Separation advice please - long!

tcclalel

Hi
I have been separated from my OH since June of this year. We have tried relate but to no avail. We are still friendly and he comes round when he can to see the kids - 5 and 2 and a half.
We own a house together, of which I have stayed in with the kids as it easier fo schools/work etc.
We had agreed that I would get a mortgage in my own name and free up some equity so he could put a deposit on somewhere to buy.
The house is worth £140,000 and we owe £70,000 on the mortgage.
I could only get a mortgage for £95,000 which would have given him £20,000 for a deposit and paid of our only other debt, a car loan.
We were going to see a solicitor so that we could draw up some kind of agreement that he still owned a percentage of the house, and when our youngest was 16 or before I would sell the house so he could have the rest of his share.

All was going fine and dandy until I got the mortgage offer.
He has thrown a bit of a wobbly basically that I will get the car and the house and he will have nothing. I can understand where he is coming from, but I think he is just depressed. He has been staying at his friends house, adn I think he needs to get sorted.

After this chat I thought that yes ok, maybe we would be better to sell the house split the profits and go our own ways. I originally only wanted to stay in the house so that the kids had stability, but they will be fine with whatever, we have broached moving home etc and the oldest thinks it is an adventure!

If we did sell I only have the option of buying one house in this area and it is the roughest part of town, but we would be close to schools/work etc.

I thought that if we had gone ahead and I gave him some money, it would be my house to do whatever with. I had plans to make some changes to improve it for the kids, but he told me that as he still 'owned' part of the house he would have to pay half of all work I do as it would improve the value of the house and he would get this benefit when I sell?!?

Can anyone offer advice on what they did, and are we doing this really wrong?
We are on really good terms, great friends etc

We keep talking but getting nowhere

I have had all the paperwork from the solicitors to take his name of the deeds so guess I am going to have to pay them regardless

Any advice gladly welcome..

ailuro2

If you're definitely going to divorce, then it's probably best to break all ties to each other, it will be simpler in the long run- what if you were to meet and marry someone else- how would your OH feel if the other man moved into his ex-marital home, etc...

If there's something left worth salvaging from your marriage, then stick with it, it's a shame to let it go when there's a 2 and 5 year old involved.

tcclalel

I know about it being a shame, but you can't conjure up feelings!!
We were living as friends for at least a year previous to us splitting up.
Most of the time I am sure selling is the right thing to do, other times I have doubts....
No talks of divorce yet, but I think the sooner we have our own lifes then we can see what happens