Managing my own divorce - any advice?

Vickicb

Hi all,

I seperated from OH in September and am living in a rented house, we have recently had an offer on the family home and have agreed to clear debts and then split the remaining equity 50/50. There are no other assets except the cars which are worth around the same amount each and already in our own names. We have a 50/50 agreement for the children already in place and working fine and I can easily transfer our verbal agreement onto the "Statement of arrangements for the children" form.

After spending 2 days with OH over Christmas I am certain that we're doing the right thing. I am much, much happier since we seperated and I want to move on with the divorce as soon as I can. I've read up online and have bought a self-help kit as I see no reason to use a solicitor for the divorce, I want an MSE divorce!

I need to divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour and I have examples, no violence/drinking or anything, basically financially incompetence when running his own business which has caused financial hardship, moving to a smaller house, personal loans he took without my knowledge then defaulted on, thus damagin my credit rating too. Plus an addiction to computer games meaning no family/couple time, refusal to eat at the table as a family in the evenings and refusal to socialise as a couple. Do these reasons sound OK? Does anyone know if the court will accept them? I'm struggling to find examples of UB divorce petitions and I am not sure how I should be wording these examples, I've drafted it already - are there any website where I can get advice? Or are there any experts out there who will take a quick look for me?

Also, as the house sale is still going through, and as we've agreed on how we will be splitting the money, I was planning on applying for a consent order at a later date (to protect pensions, lottery wins :rotfl: , etc). Is this acceptable? I assume that the divorce will take a while and by then the house sale will be through, so the consent order can be drawin up during/after the divorce.

Any other advice or comments much appreciated!

Vickicb

Oh, one more thing. How do I word the "prayer"? I want to split the court costs if poss but if OH engages a solicitor I will not pay half of that as I am not using one. Does anything else go into the prayer - ie do I need to say we are splitting finances and will be applying for a consent order later? No maintenance as such as50/50 childcare, although he's paying half for childminding costs, swimming lessons, etc.

Debt_Free_Chick

I can't help with your specific questions, but I have an observation ....

If you are happy with the financial split, then so be it. But with 2 children, I am fairly sure you are "selling yourself short". I'm pretty sure that you would end up with more than a 50% split, simply to give you enough money to home yourself and care for your children. Think about it ..... if you have the same money from the property sale, then you would (in theory) buy identical properties. Yet your property has to home the children too.

I'm not at all trying to suggest that "this is about revenge". Far from it ... it's about making sure that you have adequate finances to home, feed and clothe your children.

I also have a feeling that the Court can refuse to agree your financial split, if it's "not fair".

Personally, I don't think that everything should necessarily be done the cheapest way. And the MSE way is about getting fair value - not avoiding payment for specialised advice, when there is a clear need for it.

You might want to consider asking a family law solicitor simply to comment on what you've agreed so far. Some will do this under a half-hour free consultation - or for payment of a nominal fee (I recently had half an hour for £75).

Sorry not to specifically address your questions .... but this issue struck me as being possibly of more significance.

HTH

Vickicb

Thanks for your thoughts, but as we have agreed 50/50 residency with the children I think it's fair we do that with the financial stuff too, after all, we both need to provide a home/clothing, etc for the children for the 50% of the week they are with us. Besides, I earn more than OH, plus get the child benefit and half the childcare costs from OH, so can afford a slightly bigger mortgage. As long as debts paid off and the residue is split (irrespective of whose name they are in - there are some cards in my name that I consider joint debts), and I have a deposit for a house, then I'm happy. I've set up a seperate account for the maintenance and CHB, and will pay all child costs from that, ie childminder, uniform, after school clubs, etc, so it's very transparent and OH will pay more if it's clear he needs to. As far as I can see with a consent order, we can sort our finances out ourselves, than once we're both happy we get a consent order to stop any further claims on each other.

loftus

When you say maintenance do you mean your husbands share of the childcare costs? If you are sharing the kids 50/50, you earn more and you are also getting CB, and also presumably any tax credits, I'm not sure why he will be paying you maintenance providing he contributes his share of joint costs ie school uniform, school trips and clubs etc.
Your needs are the same and his income is less.

findingmyownway

Congratulations to you and your ex for having such a sensible attitute!! Your children will thank you for it when they are older.

The unreasonable behaviour reasons you give will be fine. If your ex isn't contesting it then its unlikely a court will.

The financial agreements and arrangements for the children forms are key. If the two parties agree then the court basically rubber-stamps them.

To protect future lottery wins etc you need to get a "clean break" order. This basically means that you are permanently severing all ties with each other. No future claims for spouse maintainance can then be made (or out of each others estate should you die). Maintainance for the children is an entirely separate issue - you can still get a clean break even if you have kids.

Vickicb

loftus wrote: »

When you say maintenance do you mean your husbands share of the childcare costs? If you are sharing the kids 50/50, you earn more and you are also getting CB, and also presumably any tax credits, I'm not sure why he will be paying you maintenance providing he contributes his share of joint costs ie school uniform, school trips and clubs etc.
Your needs are the same and his income is less.

Yes, he is paying half of the childcare costs, and CHB is being used for school uniform, trips, clubs and school dinners. So it's not really maintenance as such. I do earn more, but not a substantial amount more.

loftus

You and your husband deserve an enormous amount of credit for the way you are handling this. I wish you all the very best for the New Year.