How To Cope After Someone Died?

XxDarkMarioxX

Yesterday been bad day for me, Just come out off work at my hospital shift and seen this elder man struggle and fell on bench, Tried to help him on the bench but failed but then all sudden his back went backwards so first thought was to hold back off  head and gently lower him to ground. Asked people to get someone but left him with others to try and run and get nurse and doctor asap couple mins later he was turning blue and nurse have to do CPR. Waited around to make sure he was ok because he was took into emergency resus but sadly heard that he passed away. I thought he slipped because he had walking stick and when left him with others for couple mins to run get doctor and nurse his face was still normal but not medically trained and now got this though in my head that won’t go away that is there anymore could I have done to help and such and blaming myself. I sat down at bus stop crying my eyes out because this is first  time it happened to me and brought back memories off my mum death. 

Any advice on how to cope because really worried that don’t have strength to return back to work. 

pjs493

I sorry for what you’re been through. Perhaps the first place to start might be occupational health at work and your line manager who may be able to put you in touch with any resources available to you through your employer such as counselling, or simply just to make them aware of the situation. 

Try NHS 111 if you think they may be able to signpost you to resources such as talking therapies. Your GP may be another port of call. 

Don’t forget that their are helplines like the Samaritans if you just need a listening ear to talk to someone in confidence. 

LightFlare

The trust/hospital should be able to put you In touch with some support

Speak to your manager, they should be able to get you linked up with the correct people to help you

Brie

One thing to do is to talk it through with someone that is sympathetic.  Others have suggested through work or the hospital.  Even your Dr's surgery might help.  But others are available as well.  If you're a church goer your own vicar/minister would be a good place to start.  But even if you aren't if you went into a church they aren't going to just send you away.  They are going to know someone in the community who will be good at listening.  

There are some suggestions here although it's more to do with if the person was close to you:
What to do after someone dies: Bereavement help and support - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

The NHS site is a bit more generic:
Get help with grief after bereavement or loss - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

There's likely to be a dedicated group local to you as well.  Or maybe Samaritans (it's not just about suicide which obviously this wasn't)

All that said....having been in a situation where I tried to rescue someone and it didn't work I do know that this can prey on your mind.  I must admit that with me it was decades back and I still think about it occasionally.  What I take comfort from is that I know that I did the right things.  It sounds like you did too - you went for help that was badly needed.  The fact that a trained professional was soon there and couldn't perform a miracle cure makes me think that this was all going in one direction.  A sudden collapse like that might have been a massive coronary or an aneurism that likely killed him quite quickly.  And despite what we all hope for in death (time to say goodbye, set our affairs in order) sometimes a speedy exit is a blessing.  Do try to not beat yourself up about it.  Hopefully you'll find some peace quite soon.  

Cairnpapple

Another vote for Samaritans, especially if you need to talk to someone in the middle of the night when everything else is closed and you don't want to wake friends/family. 

MikeJXE

You should be patting yourself on the back

Because you stopped to help the man had a chance 

V

Those who didn't stop he had no chance 

XxDarkMarioxX

Thank you very much for your comments, Just had walk today to clear my mind and kinda worked but it will take time to recover on what happened since never been in that situation before.

Savvy_Sue

I heard this on the radio today:

Do what you can, with what you've got, where you are.

Credited to Theodore Roosevelt but he said he was quoting someone else. 

I've found myself saying very similar things to a couple of friends, following a local tragedy.

Use the ideas suggested, but tell yourself, regularly, you did your best.

Drawingaline

I have been through something similar. An elderly client passed away in her sitting room while I was cleaning her kitchen. She was talking to me and then said she would have a nap and she passed away. I didn't realise and it was 20mins or so before I came out and saw that she wasn't breathing. 

It was tough, especially as I had to call an ambulance, and her daughter and then do CPR until help arrived. In this case she was gone, but what helped the most was seeing how respectful and caring the paramedics were with her.

Her daughter's said they were so glad I was with her and that she wasn't alone, it was sudden (although she was over 90) and seemed pain free, but it didn't stop me from feeling guilty for not realising.

You helped, he wasn't alone, and he was seen by a medic very quickly due to where you were. Of course you have strong feelings about it, but talking to a sympathetic ear is the best thing in these situations. I talked with our Vicar, but anyone who can listen to you will help.

I hope you are beginning to feel a little better about it, and know that you dod the right thing in this situation.