What do I do?

oap77

Hi thanks for having me, first posting.

Wifey is worried about me, well, life without me. "Is this natural" i ask myself?

She has the fashion sense (expensive ladies clothing). So she knew what was right for me, and "sorted me out" in that field. Made sure of the right food, and really spoilt me.
I was the finance guy, but she couldn't handle technology, therefore bank accounts, so wouldn't know how to take over if the ultimate happened. No kids. Because of life difficulties (mobilities), few "friends", none that know what I know.

Now she is concerned if something should happen to me, she doesn't drive (her choice)

How do I get her some help without offending her. Who do we turn to to get a plan, so she feels more comfortable in life. We all hope that nothing should happen to me, but we never know what is around the corner.

Any sensible advice?

tooldle

I’m sure I’ve seen somewhere a downloadable life book/set of forms, might have been AgeUk. The basic idea is to set out everything that needs dealing with I.e. electricity supplier contact, how you pay and how often etc etc. Would doing something similar, pulling the information together be helpful, including pensions, bank and investment accounts. 

I’ve found it.

Here is a link https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/end-of-life-planning/lifebook/
If you do it together perhaps you can coach and encourage as you move through it. Wife might want to ‘practice’ by taking on responsibility for some of the admin now.
My Nan was similar and did get the hang off things reasonably quickly when her husband died. 

Robin9

Some years ago I developed a simple spreadsheet  listing all the financial things - banks, premium bonds, investments, pensions, utility suppliers etc  together with all the Standing Orders, DD and which can be cancelled on the event of my death, those which need to be transferred into her name.

She keeps a cash reserve to tide her over which the updates are made, insurances paid out ...........

Have that discussion - the inevitable will happen and it may be your wife that goes first.   What would you do ?  My wife wants to stay put as she loves the garden, I would opt for a retirement home (providing it takes my cats!).  What about funerals .........................

RAS

I knew a couple with a traditional split of cooking, driving, money etc. She got got cancer and they planned for her demise, teaching him to shop and cook, clean etc. He died suddenly of a heart attack and she lived another 20 years. 

She tried to learn to drive but never passed her test, and needed help managing finances.

Definitely look at your wife learning to drive

I'd start with the basic financial details. Be aware that some/many people freeze when faced with a spreadsheet. I earned good money because I could translate the information in a spreadsheet into text and pictures others understood.

Find out how she find it easiest to understand. Do one section at a time, like utilities say, then the next. She may need to write her own records and then explain them back to you.

Then set up a monthly meeting when you go over the finances together. If she finds it too much, stop. Next month review a little but aim to start where you left off the previous month. Even if you only cover the lot three times a year, it's a big start.

And if you can't cook, run the washing machine etc, reciprocate. Not least as if you both have to be tutor and learner it helps balance the dynamics. And you may not want to garden, but it would be useful if you can maintain it until you sell up.

Keep_pedalling

Do you have children? Do you both have wills and lasting powers of attorney (LPA) in place.

kipsterno1

Maybe get involved together in some social group to increase your support network. Something like U3A might run basic courses that would help with the tech and budgeting.

sew_what

Age UK have a free "Life book" in which you can detail all your bank accounts, suppliers, funeral wishes etc https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/end-of-life-planning/lifebook/
It's also worth setting up you Power of Attorney so if either of you become incapacitated they other has the authority to deal with banks, bills & health decisions.  It's worth thinking about who the reserve would be after one of you dies, particularly as you have no children.
Do you have wills & are they up to date?

oap77

no - no children. have tried regularly updating her, wills utilities. 

She still struggles with TV and Humax after some 8 years (think i'm on a loser there).
Think she should go into a home, but selling this house seems daunting to her. Is there like a GP or social services that can "ease her pain"? Any further ideas? I've tried AGE UK locally who dont want to step into any houses....all "over the phone discussions". I'm trying to get her out and about, today the excuse is the weather (raining/cold)

Also if she goes into a home before hand, i dont want that.