struggling to come to terms with this

baby_balloon

I have (on the good advice of the debt free wannabe forum) been to see the CAB who, although I am waiting for a second appointment with their debt sepcialist, basically indicated that bankrupcy is my likely outcome.

I am 26, i am a nanny, i look after young adults with learning difficulties. i owe about £30k and earn, currently, about £700 a month. reduced from £1800 when social services cut their payment rates (no appeal to this sadly) I love my job, but even if i moved to a better paid position, i could no longer afford my monthly payments.

I just dont know how to move on from this, my family is relatively wealthy - i went to boarding school, my mum owns a 7 bed house (superficial but you get the picture) and while they have helped me as much as they can, they also have to cut their losses. I feel awful as it is for having taken so much of my mum, in particulars, money. She is crying nearly everyday saying she wished she could help me, that she is sorry i am in this position (i left a well paid fluke of a job when my dad died to help her out with her foster kids)

Basically, i am feeling like an incredible let down to those around me, i feel i should be able to manage, that i should pay back the companys i borrowed from, yet at the same time, i cannot possibly see a way for this to happen.

Does this get any easier? part of me feels i should be punished, that i should feel awful - i got myself into this situation, i need to be held accountable. its all just a bit of a mess and im scared and im ashamed.

Anyway.... i apologise for my ramblings, no one knows about my situation and i dont have anywhere to vent these things. its terribly isolating being up sh*t creek! lol!

x

squirrel_pigeon

Hi Baby. This place is a good place to vent! If you can't do it here, where can you?

It's worse being in financial trouble when people around you are (outwardly) well off, but just to say, you never know what is going on behind closed doors.

Going BR IS being held accountable. It's not an easy thing to do and it is scary, as many people will testify.

Keep posting and keep your chin up. Everyone on here is wonderful and you'll get a lot of support.

xxxx

madoldbat

Hi BB welcome to the BR board.
You said you have had good advice from the DFWs and you will get the same here.
Stop appologising for taking posative steps to regain controle.Well done.
You have seen CAB and have another appointment.Try these number also CCCS 0800 138 1111 National Debtline 0808 808 4000 nither of them charge for their advice so only have your best interests at hart.

BR may or may not be right for you,ask as many questions as you like we will try to help and support you whatever you decide to do.
No question is to small or silly we all have asked them at some point and will share what we can.

For now remember you are not a failure you are a young person who has made mistakes and you are now taking steps to deal with and learn from them.A big hug for being strong enough to know you need help and seeking it out.:T
Keep posting with questions ,updates and details and we will help you ,there are some very good people around here;)

tight_jock

Hi BB
firstly welcome and well done on taking the first steps to gaining control over your money.:T

Regardless of how you feel about letting others down etc etc, if you are advised that BR is best for you then it probably is.
The law and regulations regarding BR are there for us all, especially when circumstances change and leave us high and dry. Don`t lose any sleep over the credit companies as they are quite happy to keep loading interest and charges at any opportunity.

No one should be punished for a change in their circumstances.Don`t be scared or ashamed or feel that you should be punished. You will be examined by the Official receiver but they are not judging you , only trying to seee how it went wrong for you.

Please don`t get yourself in a huge stress about this. There are good people on here who will help and support you through your journey.
Best of luck and keep posting
:beer:
TJx

tigerfeet2006

I can't add anything more to what the others have said.

Please don't feel bad, you have had a change and you are dealing with it.

We will help and support you step by step along your journey. If you have any questions about the process then just ask.

CCCS are open tomorrow at 8am-5pm. National Debtline are unfortunatly not open untill the 2nd of Jan.

(((hugs)))

fiveyearplan

Does this get any easier? part of me feels i should be punished, that i should feel awful - i got myself into this situation, i need to be held accountable. its all just a bit of a mess and im scared and im ashamed.

Br is being held accountable and a responsible step to debt freedom. I can see why you are scared but why are you ashamed? Your wages decreased through no fault of your own and this led to your debt problems.

dalip

BB
I too am going through all the same emotions, i went b/c in nov. My father said the same as your mother but they were my debts. I and only I am responsible for those debts. No matter what others say about c/c people getting their money back through interest ect, i still feel the guilt so i know where you are comming from. Yes to the fact that you feel alone. Even if you have support, they can not understand 100% what it's like to be deep in debt (unless they have been there) with no way out. That's why forums like these are such a life saver. I find unloading to a stranger so lightening(the shoulders)and comforting. The words of reassurance are a bonus and a godsend. Keep posting whatever you feel you needs answers to or just to rant,it's better out than in. Good luck with your second interview but if b/c is your only option then take a deep breath,face it,admit it and do it.Dalip

debt_doctor

Hi, when was it that you suffered the big wage cut ? was it within 3 months ago ?

Best

DD

baby_balloon

hi everyone, thank you so much for your posts... i feel better having just got it off my chest - as no one knows except my mum, its refreshing to be able to just admit that im feeling a bit rubbish. you have all been lovely, so thank you x

Um, also... i do feel ashamed yes.... which, having thought about it is a bit odd cos i woudln't feel any differently about any of my friends or family if they needed to become br. so, having thought about it, i think its because i feel i *should* be able to cope, and manage. Im ashamed to have to rely on my mum for handouts, and that i cant look after myself very well at the minute. I think i just feel that i should be doing a better job of sorting my life out than i am, and thats humbling.

Debt doctor, i am self employed and the pay cut took effect from july. the young adults i help look after have moved into a different social services team with different pay scales. Annoying as they are the same people, with the same difficulties, yet a third less wages for the same job. My mum is their full time carer and as such, i dont feel able to leave her to get on with it while i get another job. Im so far in trouble now, it wouldnt make much odds anyway!

Anyway, i really just wanted to say thank you again. i will keep you posted on what is going on, i really appreciate you listening to me ramble :S lol! x

baby_balloon

can i just add, i read that back and dont want anyone to think i havent tried to make more money.... i have taken on other jobs as well as being a respite carer, im not just sitting on my bum.... 50 hour weeks are the norm for me at the min! erm... thank you.... lol - anyone else think i might be paranoid?!

squirrel_pigeon

Just a tad

The job you do as a respite carer is tremendously important so please take care not to wear yourself out. You won't be much good to the people who need you if you do.

I don't mean that to sound patronising, but there are more important things than money (the last few weeks on here have helped me realise that) and there aren't enough people willing to do what you do