My dad is undergoing a potential diagnosis for dementia, has accrued over 50k in debt in past four y

bubbles1998

Hi guys, I (26 F) desperately need help on this, it has made me extremely depressed and suicidal. My mother passed away 5 years ago when I was 21. She was the matriarch, she took care of all the finances and made the big decisions in the family. She would do everything, literally everything concerning the household. My father worked 60+ hours a week and we barely saw him, my sister at the time (18) and I both were able to focus on our studies and career thanks to mum. Sadly she was diagnosed with stage four brain cancer in 2018 and passed away within two months. It hit us like a brick.

Unfortunately my father was hit the worst. He relied on her heavily to do all the house admin, council tax, letters etc. I was away at uni during the time for three years, and of course I came straight home as soon as she was diagnosed. After she passed away, my father began to make really bizarre decisions with the finances, he lent a lot of our savings out to family and friends, he bought a piece of useless land abroad, and other things. At the time, my sis and I were grieving and unaware of most of his decisions, as he wouldn't share them with us.

We slowly over time found out about them, and also started receiving angry red letters to our home regarding fines and debts. Fast forward to April last year, we had been visited by bailiffs a number of times due to fines from TFL, my father had entered the congestion zone one too many times without paying the fee, and then we were evicted from our home due to rent arrears. It was heartbreaking and traumatic to say the least.

It turns out my father has declined cognitively so much, he has memory issues and forgets to pay things, doesn't check properly whether he's okay to park in certain places and forgot to pay council tax and rent etc too many times. I have over the past couple years slowly taken over as much admin as I can, but a lot of the fines are in his name and its proven difficult to work through it all. We have also lived at several different addresses since and not received all the letters so we are unaware of exactly how much debt he is in. He has been seen at a memory clinic since last year, and they believe he has dementia. We are waiting for the results of his final scan and will know this week.

My fear is palpable at the moment, I'm terrified and paralysed from it. I dont know how to fix this. My sister and I have began renting somewhere for just the two of us, we see my father everyday and he still works. I am scared we will have our last remaining assets taken away from us because of this. I dont even know where to start. How do I sort this out? I have contacted some lawyers but I believe they will want to speak to him as he is the one with the debt. I need to know exactly how much debt we are in and find a way to avoid it going to court as it is going to be so traumatic for him, when he is already in such a vulnerable mental state. I wish I could resolve all of this on my own so he wouldn't have to deal with any of it. He is old and frail, all he wants to do is carry on fixing clocks (his job) as it is the one thing he is brilliant at and can still do. My sister and I just want to get on with our lives, this has held us back so much, we barely see friends anymore.

I wish there was a way of finding out exactly how much debt he is in and stopping any further action, making a payment plan with it all? I can take it on and pay it over a number of years I'm sure, i just want them to stop contacting us and bailiffs to stop harassing him. The thing is I believe he has a number of CCJ's now and I dont even know where to start with them. CDER are harassing us a lot as well. Please could anyone advise me? 

fatbelly

So you're not living with your father and the debts are all in his name. Is that right?

Would he engage with a debt adviser if there was one who worked on a face to face basis locally? There are free services out there so please don't go paying solicitors or anyone else

As far as you know, is he currently up to date with his rent and council tax?

I don't understand why your assets would be in danger, nor why you would be wanting to pay his debts when it seems quite likely there will be evidence of mental health issues and these could be written off or in the worst case covered by a £90 DRO.(edit: might need something a bit more heavy duty if >30k)

Sea_Shell

Didn't want to read and run...

Remember, YOU are not responsible for paying off this debt.

More knowledgeable people will be along shortly I'm sure.

sourcrates

Sorry for the issues you are going through, I had a similar situation with my Brother, before he passed away, he had a stroke that reduced his mental capacity, so I had to deal with his creditors for him.

I have to say it was surprisingly easy, but his debts were all consumer credit related debts, and no enforcement action had been taken, it took one letter to each lender and they wrote off all his debts due to his health issues.

Now I don`t know how that will work with fines, but I would suggest speaking or writing to TFL or whoever is chasing him for the money, and explaining the circumstances surrounding the fines to them.

I would say the principle will be the same, no matter what stage its at, you just want them to stop collection activity, although bailiffs are notoriously difficult to deal with.

No one else can be made liable for his debts, your assets are not at risk, don`t understand why you think they would be.

RWMJPMC86

@sourcrates when you sent the letters did you have to enclose medical record printouts too? We're just starting this process for FIL and want to send as much as I can initially to avoid the back and forths as it's already stressful enough here (he too has had a stroke and is limited in what he can do)

sourcrates

The money he owed was in the 100`s, not the 1000`s, and the very fact he was in care, and I had POA was enough to convince them without further medical evidence.

Obviously the larger the debt, the more evidence you can find to back up your claim the better.

theoretica

Something to consider as a priority is getting LPA in place - this needs to be put in place while your father still has mental capacity to be clear he wants you (maybe with your sister?) to be able to manage things for him.

scourses

Really think arranging about LPA's for health and wealth now. You can do this online at GOV.UK. cheaper to do this yourself than a solicitor. 

Could Your Dad speak with Council, TFL with you there and explain the situation whilst arranging LPA's.
Once this week you have the results, could his GP could write a letter explaining his condition to enable you in helping sort through the finances, bills etc.

Good luck with it all.  

poppy10_2

If he's racked up the debts over a four year period and only gets diagnosed with dementia this year then it's unlikely the debts will be attributed to his dementia. Sure dementia can develop over years but it won't have been so bad four years ago that he didn't know what he was doing. Sounds like he has never been good at finances, leaving this to his wife all his life. 

sourcrates

poppy10_2 said:

If he's racked up the debts over a four year period and only gets diagnosed with dementia this year then it's unlikely the debts will be attributed to his dementia. Sure dementia can develop over years but it won't have been so bad four years ago that he didn't know what he was doing. Sounds like he has never been good at finances, leaving this to his wife all his life. 

How the debt accrued is not the issue, it`s his current state of mind that will decide if write off`s happen or not.

Virtually everyone who posts on this forum has been silly with money at some point in their lives.

EssexHebridean

poppy10_2 said:

If he's racked up the debts over a four year period and only gets diagnosed with dementia this year then it's unlikely the debts will be attributed to his dementia. Sure dementia can develop over years but it won't have been so bad four years ago that he didn't know what he was doing. Sounds like he has never been good at finances, leaving this to his wife all his life. 

This is also dangerously close to judgement - “please remember that debt free wannabe is for help, not judgement”.