In need of some desperate advice

Grumpelstiltskin

I still think you don't know what you are spending your money on.  You never get an E Mail from school asking for a contribution for X Y and Z?

I think you both need to track every penny you spend, save receipts. constantly check bank accounts and then you will have some idea where you are wasting money.

You must find out the full details of the debts, balances, APRs so you know exactly how big the problem is.

gwynlas

As previously mentionned you need a dmp to bring your monthly outgoings down please read al the advice on here.as many others have been in similar situations. Is there any way you or your partner could earn any extra income that you could then save towards an emergency fund and holiday?  Even 4 hours at a minimum wage job would be something. You could possibly save a little on your grocery  budget but it would mean taking on old style ways and exploring using veggie options but this could mean anything like omelettes or pasta with a sauce. Shopping around would be good as well as on line shops so there is no temptation to put things in the trolley. Have you got the support of family around you?

LoulaBelle

I can't offer any real advice but see you have a 9 year old so either year 4 or 5, that High School Uniform may feel a way off now but plan ahead and stick say £5 a month if year 4 or £10 if year 5 into a tin, jar or separate bank account calling it the Uniform Fund that way you have money when you have to buy Blazers and PE kits etc, I did that and it really made a difference.  Also join local freecyle groups etc as lots of people gift things onwards, you'd be surprised.

BellaBoo0704

Thank you everyone I really appreciate your advice. 

Bluebell1000

Your energy bills seem quite high if you have solar panels. Have you got any surplus built up? If not then do check you are on the best possible tariff for your usage.

13thlegion

Firstly, just to reassure you. You are normal, your situation whilst uncomfortable is not insurmountable, and you can definitely sort this.

Secondly try and ditch any guilt about lack of holidays for the children. I had one in my whole childhood and can remember every moment because it was unique. I was always fed, warm, safe, and loved which is infinitely more valuable.

Thirdly the advice will often fall into the category of simple but not easy. Even setting budgets and cutting costs is something that takes several goes at to get sort of right. The stories we share in the diary section attest to that (more than a year to really nail it all down for me).

In my experience, which you may find useful, is that getting hold of finances so they do what I want them to is a two part process. 1 - Find out the situation 2 - Make decisions.

You've made a great start at an SOA and have seen that they refine as you get clearer on the situation. You already know you'll need to add in more details from your partner.

Another tool is to go through a lengthy period of statements to note down what exactly you spend money on. Exactly how much have you spent on clothes in the past year? How much does Xmas typically cost? Things like that. 

Something else is to scan ahead and start predicting what costs will be. Xmas is a great example where it is comes around same time every year so the cost can be divided by 12 and that much set aside each month. That way December and January are not so tight. I see that you have £50 for presents per month but no cash assets, is that amount being saved now? Car insurance and maintenance are other things that have been suggested that fall into this. As others have suggested child related costs can also be thought of like this , school trips, uniforms, clubs etc only get worse on the budget with age (sorry!). (My wife and I have taken this to an extreme and have been saving for a car and driving lessons £20 a month for years with our two, eldest is 14).

When looking at this it is ok if the figures you need to spend and save mean you have less than needed to pay your unsecured debt. Your secured debt in mortgage and HP are priorities. One reason this is good is that it will show you exactly where you are falling short and why. It is painful to see (back to that simple but not easy) but you are not alone in this. 

Regarding a DMP. Yes credit score will be trashed for a while. That is ultimately ok as you will need to live without relying on credit options anyway to clear the debt. When mortgage deals are up you can get a new one with current provider without needing a credit check. There is lots of advice in a sticky thread at the top about how to go about it and information for you. It will also explain why advice here is likely to differ from what stepchange tell you. 

Lemonfool have a great snowball calculator which can use info from your SOA to show a way to prioritise overpayments and when things will be paid off. Using figures you've given so far and assuming overpayments are ok to make on all of the debts you'll pay the first one off in 9 months and be debt free in 50 months. (Excluding those currently showing 0 balance). At your debt free point you'll have £1400 per month save for a holiday and kids old enough to appreciate it.

elsien

^^^

That is a really good post.
And also reinforces that if your budget says X amount a month for presents, but you have no cash surplus that amount is clearly being spent on something else and not being saved planned purpose.

That’s the bit you really need to get to grips with and it isn’t an instant process.

LoulaBelle

 As others have suggested child related costs can also be thought of like this , school trips, uniforms, clubs etc only get worse on the budget with age (sorry!). (My wife and I have taken this to an extreme and have been saving for a car and driving lessons £20 a month for years with our two, eldest is 14).

Oh this is so what we did as well, my friend said to me 'Lou next years going to be expensive' I asked why and she said her twins were turning 17 and driving lessons, that day I closed down my husband and my gym direct debits (we never went anyway) and set our year 3 and year 6 children up with their 'Car Accounts' and just drip fed it into it, paid off well as when son turned 17 and passed test I was then able to go back to full time work as another driver in the house to pick up sibling from school etc