Advice plz on kids borrowing

ZTD

chunky79 wrote: »

Also the car, at least you know she is safe on her way home and not stuck in a taxi rank or bus station. I wouldn't want that for my daughter.

It depends what you mean by "safe". Teenagers in cars are not safe because they're driven by teenagers.

You roll the dice and take your chances.

chunky79

ZTD wrote: »

It depends what you mean by "safe". Teenagers in cars are not safe because they're driven by teenagers.

You roll the dice and take your chances.

Good Point!

mum2one

jaydee66 wrote: »

Can I just clarify -I don't read her statements I showed her ours a couple of months in a row. I only know all her info because she has told me and I have been calm and haven't resorted to a shouting match about it.

I'll be honest I can see where your coming from re opening the credit card, yes in one way ur right ur trying to protect her, but morally it could end up in a blazing row and a lot of regret.

The fact that your daughter has come to you and told you from her own free will, means a lot, shows you have brought her up to be honest and respectful.

I know its hard but she needs to make a mistake and sort it out for herself, from personal experience,
This is me and and what my parenst did, in their hearts it was for the best but in hindsight...........

I got into a mess when I was 17, (Im 36 now), my parents bailed me out, I had 200 od I was clubbing every sat ngt, ran a moped (very fashionable) working part time earing £8.00 a day - They paid my overdraft off

For my 18th I had a choice, a car, a party or a sofabed - I had all 3, ok the car was an old bangor - unfashionable vauxhall chevette.

A yr later the car is past it, they were hoping it would do a couple of yrs - they buy me a Morris Marina (posh at the time), but that was a birthday present.

Had that for a couple of yrs then my mum acted as a guarantor on £500 loan, (lot of money then) - I paid every penny - the money was for another car - surprise surprise - my budget was £500 laon, £200 trade in value from Marina, - get a car £1,000 - guess who foots the bill - my parents

12 months down the line, loan paid off, the company tell me Im a valued customer, I can have a loan for £1,500 didnt need mum as I was a good payer. -took out £1, 500 loan, + traded my car, got another car - upgraded to an escort by then.

Go on holiday the day after getting the car - 2 days later -the steering locked on the car- crashed - complete write off- got home to find that mum and dad had been and purchased my car back that I part exchanged. As the car was only 3rd party fire and theft - got no money back, left with a 3 yr loan

At 25 decided needed to do something different was working - go to college one day a week - my parents paid, - I did pay them every penny back.

First holiday abroad when I was 28 - present to myself as I had passed my HNC - another slippery slope, credit cards, store cards, of course just paid the minimum, thought nothing of slapping it on the plastic, having 2 foreign hols a yr.

Back in (98), and (2000), I had 2 bad car accidents, the 2nd one they thought Id fracured my neck and there was a risk I was going to be paralysed - I was messed up emotionally and some physical problems, but I thank god I wasnt paralysed, I remember looking up at the ceiling, (not much else you can do when your on a spinal board and your head and neck encased) - that if I ever got out of this Im having a holiday of a lifetime.

2001 - I ended up in Mexico (came out of the compensation), but needed spending money, new clothes, - the inactivity from accidents weight had shot up) - mum opened a credit card account named me as 2nd person- was I responsible was I not by Mid 2002 owed 3k.

2002 - I found out I was expecting, my partner walked out I was 7 mths gone, but due to morning sickness, illness in pregnancy and the 2 car accidents, my body didnt cope with being pregnant. - I went from 13 1/2k taking home 1k a mth inc bonuses - to £250 ssp

Need you guess what mess I was in, took out considalation loans, robbed Peter to pay Paul, ended up in a financial mess. My parents were not aware of the financial mess they just thought it was just 3k owed.

My dad took early retirement, (only by a yr - but the 1st thing he did was pay off the credit card and help get things for my daughter.

Basically I had employment issues and after my maternity leave ended I resigned, I went onto benefits, but still tried to pay my debts, even though the interest was mounting and mounting.

I took my employer through employment tribunal and 3 years after I resigned they settled out of court - the 1st thing I did was give my parents 1k it didnt even cover what they have done for me.

I paid some debts.

Even after all that I was still being given credit cards, its no excuse I suffered with depression, and ill health, to an extent I buried my head into the sand, lived off credit cards, as benefits were getting swallowed up in bank charges etc, etc.

I had a mini lightbulb moment in 05, thou took me 18mths to do something about it, I started working part time, Im studiying at open uni, (done 3 courses so far), have successfully reclaimed bank charges (I did settle for difference between charge and £12 - to get them cleared 2 x bank accounts and 2 credit cards), the 3rd I held out to the bitter end, with a lot of support from this site and had the lot back.

Ive cleared 2 overdrafts, consolidation loan, 1 credit card. I no longer rely on my parents to bail me out, they do help, but I get to back to them

Ive done my snowball, remaining credit cards and OD, my debt free date is Mar 09
Personal snowball, - refund my parents 3k for credit card, save £1k and replace my savings that Mar 2011, be officially debt free by the time Im 40.

I have not put this post up for sympathy, or to blame anyone else bar myself and maybe my parents when I was younger, they overcompensated, they lost their 1st daughter with cancer when she was 18mths old, I was born 2 yrs later, I never really knew the value of money, was stupid enough to drift along with the credit system, while your gd 4 credit they threw it at me, I took it, its only now that Im paying the price, a hard price to pay.

My daughter is 5, I will be honest I found myself overcompensating because its just the 2 of us, and I can see history repeatint to an extent, Im detirmed to nip it in the bud b4 it goes to far.

a recent example, xmas shopping, - she wanted the 2 garfield movies, only got £2.00 with her, ( she had some money at home, I didnt want her taking it out and loseing it or worse still being stolen.)

Ok, I'll buy the dvds you can pay me back at home - got home, said darling dont 4get you need to pay mummy back for the dvds as you hadnt got enuf - her reply its too late now, youve already brought for me, why should I pay for them now were not in the shop.

Yes, stroppy child, but it made me stop and think, I must just get the stuff, whether its a bar of choc etc.

Lesson learnt - she wanted slimline tv for xmas - no as I had already got her presents, told her if she wanted one she needs to save, she can use her bday money, xmas money thats been saved for her. She brought herself one in the prexmas sales £100, but I know that will mean a lot more as she had to pay for it herself.

jaydee66

Thanx again for all the very good advice. I feel calmer today about it.(still a bit miffed at the bank though!) but hey it's thier job to sell debt to us.

After thinking about it I will not intercept the card. I would rather she learned sooner for a relatively small amount while she has very little income and living at home than in a few years when she is trying to set up home, children etc but I know she has to learn it herself. I will give her as much info as I can and she already knows this site is my homepage while trying to sort out CCs and other stuff, so I'll get her to read around this site after reading the teen stuff.

I remember being 18 and my overdraft and cc felt like 'free money'. That was in the days when you got paid weekly and I still had no money left by monday! but we still managed to scrape enough for a couple of bottles of lambrusco, ten fags and a video for a girls night in on a Tuesday.

Thanx again everyone for you're input, it has helped me see things a bit clearer.

Keeping_Motivated

I'm glad you feel calmer. Its not an easy job being a parent and wanting to protect our children from things and make things easier for them than it has been for us. I think you are right to not intercept the card and to educate her as much as possible about money/credit.

But I just wanted to add that she is a very lucky girl having parents who care so much :T

iceicebaby

She is an adult and therefore in control of her own finances. If she takes out credit then thats her business. I would be horrified if my parents would have interfered in my life like that ans intercepted my mail.

Just my opinion!

Edited to say read your latest post which you must have beet writing as I wrote mine!

Keeping_Motivated

iceicebaby wrote: »

She is an adult and therefore in control of her own finances. If she takes out credit then thats her business. I would be horrified if my parents would have interfered in my life like that ans intercepted my mail.

Just my opinion!

But she has just posted that she is not going to intercept her mail so your opinion is a little late

ZTD

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

But she has just posted that she is not going to intercept her mail so your opinion is a little late

Better late than never.

Keeping_Motivated

ZTD wrote: »

Better late than never.

I suppose

barron_hard_up

ZTD wrote: »

It depends what you mean by "safe". Teenagers in cars are not safe because they're driven by teenagers.

There are friends of our kids who have cars and our kids are not allowed to ride with them, and their parents have been told this. Our son once ended up hanging upside down in an over turned car because the pratt driving it was an utter idiot, who, incidentally wrecked about four cars in as many weeks.

Another kid we know would not listen to sense and ended up killing his best friend in the passanger seat. Got sent down for two years, got out on parole, and although being banned for seven years went out and got behind the wheel, got caught and sent back inside. Well, guess what, his parents had done everything they could to ensure he had a car because ''he needed it''.

Just before Christmas the Barrness and myself were on the M1 when some youngsters sped out of the slip road far too fast making obscene gestures at other road users.

My conclusion? Raise the legal age for driving a car to 22. All I ask is that you think about why I have said this before you tell me I'm nuts.