Overwhelmed with stupid debt & in desperate need of advice.

EssexHebridean

Lots of great posts on here already - ES, Foxgloves and Kim among others. 

Your parents did indeed think they were being “kind” by borrowing to get you out of debt, but unfortunately that “kindness” and your naivety in accepting it (and why would you not be naive, after all. At the time it seemed like the perfect fix) has unfortunately enabled the position you are in now. Tough but true - had they gone through your figures, taught you about budgeting, and offered you practical but not monetary help, you may well have been debt free by now. Hindsight eh, isn’t it wonderful? The good thing about hindsight is that we can use it to inform our future decisions. I say that fro:the position of being someone who many years ago had parents who did precisely that - I was in debt, they said that they would help me with budgeting, help me with managing money going forwards, but that they would categorically NOT give me money to bail me out. And my word that felt brutal - all my friends were turning to the bank of M&D for bail-outs from similar situations - it was “So UNFAIR!” that mine were undoing the same. Now though- I can’t thank them enough for this approach, as it was what meant I had to knuckle down, make sacrifices, and work to clear every single penny myself. It was literally a decade before ai had the courage to get a credit card again, and I have never been in problem debt again, I’m relieved to say. 

Do the SOA as suggested - get the figures down on paper, get the budget in place, and front up to your parents about it, but whatever they say, a polite “thank you, but I really need to do this myself, and that includes paying you back” is the response if they offer further monetary aid - they will respect you beyond measure for taking that approach, I promise. 

We’re here to help, make suggestions, and guide you in the direction of what is the right solution for you. 

foxgloves

Yes, agree 100% with @EssexHebridean. I had quite a few bailouts from my parents back in the Spendy Days. Not thousands - I never shared with them the extent of my debts, but certainly several lump sums of £300- £500 to help when the bank curtailed the unauthorised growth of my overdraft. I was so grateful at the time, but like you, learned nothing, did not take the opportunity to re-set my cavalier attitude to money & continued to overspend as usual. 
If your income is £2k per month & you overspend by just £50 a month over a year, then that's £600 debt. A £100 monthly overspend is £1200 debt, £200 will equal £2400 debt & so on. It is SO easy to overspend by £200 a month.....a couple take-aways, a basketful of supermarket treats, a round of drinks, a couple of extra make-up items, a modestly-priced top from the sale-rail, a posh coffee on the way to work .....none of these in themselves are particularly expensive, but what I'm trying to demonstrate is that the frequency of them can produce a monthly £200+ shortfall in the blink of an eye.
Our monthly income is OUR money. There isn't any more. It tooke over 2 decades to accept this & simple a fact as it is, the impact on my finances were game-changing.
F

maxmycardagain

speak to stepchange, also, write all creditors stating your situation, request a freeze on interest for 3 months and maybe ask to only pay them £1/month.... they can only say no

car pcp.... tell em...........once you alert them they can (again) help or say no ask best options for a VT (Voluntary Termination), im sure they would rather work with you than repo the car, sell it then come after you for any shortfall which could push you into a DRO (and get nothing)

spending...... revert to cash only, no cards, spend only what you have and no more, cards/online make it so easy to spend... 

your "rent" (board/lodgings) and repaying parents may not be counted as actual bona fide costs unlike a real loan and actual rent as a secure tenant should you need a DRO or BR

stu12345_2

when i look back over the last 10 years our incomes were say £32000 a year, but our outgoings were £34500.

we were out of sync by £50 a week, wife and I ran up over £25000 on debts.

that extra take away, that extra day trip away , that bottles of wine and lagers or that pack of cigarettes etc all added up.

maxmycardagain

stu12345_2 said:

that extra take away, that extra day trip away , that bottles of wine and lagers or that pack of cigarettes etc all added up.

we dont have any of those, can you suggest other items? lol

our aims are lowballed, our expectations minimimal 

stu12345_2

that movie trip, that album download,  branded foods in supermarkets , clubbing with mates,  treating the girlfriend a bit too often,  lol, new mobile too often, those daft energy drinks,

give me some hints

Floss

maxmycardagain said:

speak to stepchange, also, write all creditors stating your situation, request a freeze on interest for 3 months and maybe ask to only pay them £1/month.... they can only say no

Please DON'T do this in bold - it will be classed as an Arrangement to Pay and AP markers will stay on your credit record for 6 years AFTER the debt is paid off.

maxmycardagain

Floss said:

maxmycardagain said:

speak to stepchange, also, write all creditors stating your situation, request a freeze on interest for 3 months and maybe ask to only pay them £1/month.... they can only say no

Please DON'T do this in bold - it will be classed as an Arrangement to Pay and AP markers will stay on your credit record for 6 years AFTER the debt is paid off.

seems he cant afford the debt so what would you suggest?

Floss

maxmycardagain said:

Floss said:

maxmycardagain said:

speak to stepchange, also, write all creditors stating your situation, request a freeze on interest for 3 months and maybe ask to only pay them £1/month.... they can only say no

Please DON'T do this in bold - it will be classed as an Arrangement to Pay and AP markers will stay on your credit record for 6 years AFTER the debt is paid off.

seems he cant afford the debt so what would you suggest?

I would suggest that the OP reads the whole thread & follows the suggestions made by EsseHebridean, Foxgloves, Sourcrates etc.

This is a good starting place:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6496941/in-debt-and-wannabe-debt-free-first-steps

kimwp

maxmycardagain said:

Floss said:

maxmycardagain said:

speak to stepchange, also, write all creditors stating your situation, request a freeze on interest for 3 months and maybe ask to only pay them £1/month.... they can only say no

Please DON'T do this in bold - it will be classed as an Arrangement to Pay and AP markers will stay on your credit record for 6 years AFTER the debt is paid off.

seems he cant afford the debt so what would you suggest?

There are better options than arrangements to pay if someone can't afford their debts.