From Frugal Foundations to Fortified Family Future

Greying_Pilgrim

Good Morning MFW'rs

Thank you for such supportive comments.  

Erm, money saving wise....  We have finished off the coleslaw, I think it did for 2 days for DH's sangers.  If I remember to grate it (🙄) the last of the cheese should last until tomorrow.  I used up the last cauliflower from the MrS box on Monday for tea.  I made plant balls and tommie sauce in the SC whilst we were out at activity, cooked up some pasta which I then added when we got back and microwaved the cauli to serve on the side.  The cauli was actually very tasty, and was just the right size for 3 generous servings (much to LG's delight 😏).

Tea last night wasn't the least bit summery, but it used up bits and pieces.  I did mashed tatties - using up the collection of 'white' potatoes in the fridge.  I have 3 'red' potatoes left and a small assortment of 'Easter & waste box' tatties in the paper bag under the stairs.  I emptied the plant based burger box (2) and the fakey fish goujons (3) and cooked them in the oven, and then made an omlette for me, and 2 thin omlettes for DH & LG, which used up the last of last week's eggs.  I still have a carton of 10 eggs in stock.  

LG has got themselves to the topmost of the tree in activity.  It's not been an easy road - and for sure it's been a long and slightly pricey journey, but their doubts at their ability continue apace, and they nearly scuppered their chances at grading again this week 🙄I know there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance, but gosh I wish that LG would have (and hold onto) a tadge more self-belief.  They get blown off course by the faintest hint or tint of failure/falling short/being just over time/just under completions or whatever the task is at hand.  Meanwhile all the adults around are pointing out the many times they've actually done the same thing (but perhaps in a different format) before, and are more than capable/able/competent or whatever.  I greatly admire these kids who just shrug their shoulders and say "ok, let's give this a go", or don't (for whatever reason) think about failure, they just do the task.  LG worries the wingnut off a whatnot, and gets stymied.  And yet, and yet..... of several things of late, that they've got themselves worked up into a lather over, nothing has turned out how they imagined it would - everything has turned out fine; they passed the test, did the tasks, the peripatetic teacher didn't shout at them etc etc etc.  

Doesn't matter how many times the adults say all the affirmative stuff, LG doesn't seem to take it in and hold it - and yet if some snotty kiddo is having a bad day, and calls LG 'fat' or 'ugly' or whatever, you can bet they hear and internalise THAT - grrrr!

A washing load is out on the line, and the machine has just beeped now that it's finished.  Lovely drying weather here - sun and a slight breeze, so fingers crossed everything will be dry enough to fold and put away.  

I haven't given much thought to tea, but i do have some smoked tofu, so a buddha bowl may be in order, although we're quite low on salady bits - well, to the point where we actually have very little 'salady', so I may have to give that a total rethink.  Although I do still have half a white cabbage, and carrots, so could re-visit coleslaw, or something along those lines.  The grain would have to be basmati, as that is all I currently have.

Right, I've socks to peg out.  Ta for popping by.

Greying X

Cherryfudge

I'm not sure this is LG, but there's a condition called 'rejection sensitive dysphoria', where people take onboard anything negative as a rejection of themselves. It's not precisely what you're describing, but it does suggest some people are more prone to take on board negative feelings while others can distance themselves or shrug things off. I also disagree with the beginning of the description, where it says that people affect 'can't' regulate emotion-related feelings and behaviour. There may be people who can't, but I suspect it's a variable: for many, their emotions can be more affected but they can develop techniques to help them distance themselves a bit from how they feel, even if it's just saying 'So and so says I can do it, so perhaps they can see an ability in me that I can't see from inside me'.

That's just what came to mind when I read what you've written and of course may be nothing to do do with LD. It's something I see in both DH and myself, which is why it came to mind.

And you mentioned eking out the veg for your salad - don't forget foraging if you have the opportunity! Hedge garlic, wild garlic and ground elder are all edible (though don't risk confusing  wild garlic with lily of the valley, which is poisonous). There are probably lots more that I'm not familiar with but all of which are full of flavour and nutrients. For that matter, could you sprout some seeds or grow from stumps of veg? I've done it with celery and lettuce but again, there will be others that can regrow from the base for free.

Greying_Pilgrim

Cherryfudge - I think like anything, there are 'elements' of that syndrome in what LG is experiencing - whether they have that full-blown condition, I'm not so sure.  For example, have there been tears over the thought of trying to do a test?  Yes.  But has LG refused point blank to do the test/travel to  the test centre/get in the car?  No.  But it's certainly something to be aware of.  I don't particularly want it to get any worse - put it that way.  I do wonder if this is down to the activities LG is undertaking (I don't think any of their peers are doing these types of endeavour), or whether it's just the point in LG's life.  I do think growth is something of a continuum - and you don't just have your 'terrible two's' and then everything holds off until the hormone flux at precisely 12.01am on the day you turn 13 😉 

Also, within the explanation of the syndrome it talked about people not starting endeavours because of fear of failure - that is SO me!  I am however, addressing it, one project at a time, and have made a start this week on something that I've been putting off for at least 18 months, so........ Certainly LG sees both me and DH failing, or getting things wrong or making mistakes, but they also see us step back, think, and try again; or have a paddy, throw our toys out the cot...... and then return to the task until we get the outcome we desire.  Certainly they have seen perseverance in action, and know that usually you get the outcome you're after - even if it doesn't happen first time around.  And I don't know what the word is, but LG also knows that we're not a family of...... elitists?  where we only do things we know we will succeed at, they realise we're much more in the camp of 'jack of all trades, master of none'.......

Foraging - I don't feel competent to do that, and I'm afraid everything around here - edible or not will have had a high chance of getting piddled or poohed on - from animal or human sources 🤢Although you've reminded me of a clutch of ransomes - too near to a busy road to be edible, but what surprised me was that there was absolutely NO smell with them.  Whether that meant they were cultivated, escaped from a nearby garden, rather than wild garlic, I'm not sure.  

Greying X

kayannie

Ransomes (wild garlic) is always more pungent as it goes over. I picked some recently, but only from somewhere where (hopefully) the dogs wouldn't have been peeing all over it. I've seen it being picked in the local park where dozens of dogs have been having their daily run around!

I am very happy today, GP! Following your advice, I  made a pizza which we've just had for lunch. I made the dough in the BM, used half for bread rolls & half for the pizza base. I topped it with tomatoes, red pepper, mushrooms & cheese. It turned out perfectly & as we only ate half, there's some left for another day. DH said it was the best he'd ever had, praise indeed! I would have included the photo I took, but don't know how I go about adding it!

Thanks to GP, photo added!


KA

Greying_Pilgrim

kayannie - that's superb!  Well done you for giving pizza dough a go!  And well done dearest husband for praising where praise was entirely due!  

Adding pictures is relatively straightforward.  Make sure there's nothing identifying in the pic - ie gas bill, calendar or your library pass 😉  Then if you look up above ^ (when you're in the text box) you will see a 'chain link' (for adding website links) and next to it on the right is a little box with a black mountain and a sun in it.  Click on that and it will ask you where your picture 'is' - and so you look in whichever folder/file you've stored your pick in, click and then click on the upload button.  The only thing I would say is note where your cursor is, as that is where the picture will land - which is ok if it is at the top or bottom, but not so good if you're mid sentence!

HTH - and again, go you for making scrummy pizza!  

Greying X

Blackcats

I was interested in your chat about LG and self belief and self confidence.  I have 3 grandchildren doing their year 6 SATs this week and their attitudes are all so very different.  One of them who is the most academic of the children is very nervous and has already expressed disappointment that they think they got a question on "past perfect tense verbs"wrong - I had to look up what past perfect tense was 😂.
another grandchild just wants the week to be over so they can get back to their sporting hobbies and has said that the tests are probably going ok but not elaborated any further.  The third who has had some struggles with academic work says they think the tests are going great even though they didn't know the answers to some questions 🙃
the 3 kids are cousins not siblings so it's hard to gauge the nature/nurture effect but my view is we are what we are and we need those around us to support us to navigate the world in the way that suits us best.  I think you and your DH do this brilliantly with LG.

kayannie

Greying_Pilgrim said:

kayannie - that's superb!  Well done you for giving pizza dough a go!  And well done dearest husband for praising where praise was entirely due!  

Adding pictures is relatively straightforward.  Make sure there's nothing identifying in the pic - ie gas bill, calendar or your library pass 😉  Then if you look up above ^ (when you're in the text box) you will see a 'chain link' (for adding website links) and next to it on the right is a little box with a black mountain and a sun in it.  Click on that and it will ask you where your picture 'is' - and so you look in whichever folder/file you've stored your pick in, click and then click on the upload button.  The only thing I would say is note where your cursor is, as that is where the picture will land - which is ok if it is at the top or bottom, but not so good if you're mid sentence!

HTH - and again, go you for making scrummy pizza!  

Greying X

Thank you GP, photo added!  x
KA

Greying_Pilgrim

Blackcats said:

I was interested in your chat about LG and self belief and self confidence.  I have 3 grandchildren doing their year 6 SATs this week and their attitudes are all so very different.  One of them who is the most academic of the children is very nervous and has already expressed disappointment that they think they got a question on "past perfect tense verbs"wrong - I had to look up what past perfect tense was 😂.
another grandchild just wants the week to be over so they can get back to their sporting hobbies and has said that the tests are probably going ok but not elaborated any further.  The third who has had some struggles with academic work says they think the tests are going great even though they didn't know the answers to some questions 🙃
the 3 kids are cousins not siblings so it's hard to gauge the nature/nurture effect but my view is we are what we are and we need those around us to support us to navigate the world in the way that suits us best.  I think you and your DH do this brilliantly with LG.

Blackcats - I'm with you on that and would have had to look it up too!! 🤣🤣🤣  The thing that niggles me about SATS - and to a certain extent any 'progress tests' that schools administer, is the academic bias.  What happens if maths ain't your bag, but you're a whizz at art, or gymnastics, or fencing, or computer science, or are just an all round good and kind egg?  I love your analysis of the kid's responses to the tests - all very different indeed.  None of the responses was more or less valid than the other - they represented the broad range of young people in any classroom anywhere.  I don't even know what the children 'get' from these tests - they don't get  individual 'results' do they?  

kayannie - whoop!  That pizza looks fab - handcrafted excellence!  No wonder DH rated it No.1.  Well done you!  Plus more left for another day?  RESULT! 😁

Greying X

Cherryfudge

Greying_Pilgrim said:

Cherryfudge - I think like anything, there are 'elements' of that syndrome in what LG is experiencing - whether they have that full-blown condition, I'm not so sure.  For example, have there been tears over the thought of trying to do a test?  Yes.  But has LG refused point blank to do the test/travel to  the test centre/get in the car?  No.  But it's certainly something to be aware of.  I don't particularly want it to get any worse - put it that way.  I do wonder if this is down to the activities LG is undertaking (I don't think any of their peers are doing these types of endeavour), or whether it's just the point in LG's life.  I do think growth is something of a continuum - and you don't just have your 'terrible two's' and then everything holds off until the hormone flux at precisely 12.01am on the day you turn 13 😉 

I see what you mean - it didn't 100% ring true with me either, but I think these things can show up differently and to different degrees. So someone might absolutely refuse, while another person might feel that obedience/conformity/keeping rules is part of being acceptable, so they make themselves attend the test or smile when spoken to or eat everything on the plate, not because it isn't a problem for them but because they want to do right/be accepted.

Another thing to consider is whether they have been like this most of their life. If it's been the way of things since they were a toddler, perhaps it's part of their make up. If it came on later, could an experience have triggered it? That said, I've read about things that can be triggered before birth, if, for instance a mother has trauma and the child is born more wary as a result. That's all theoretical and may not have anything to do with LG.

Also, within the explanation of the syndrome it talked about people not starting endeavours because of fear of failure - that is SO me!  I am however, addressing it, one project at a time, and have made a start this week on something that I've been putting off for at least 18 months, so........ Certainly LG sees both me and DH failing, or getting things wrong or making mistakes, but they also see us step back, think, and try again; or have a paddy, throw our toys out the cot...... and then return to the task until we get the outcome we desire.  Certainly they have seen perseverance in action, and know that usually you get the outcome you're after - even if it doesn't happen first time around.  And I don't know what the word is, but LG also knows that we're not a family of...... elitists?  where we only do things we know we will succeed at, they realise we're much more in the camp of 'jack of all trades, master of none'.......

I avoid things rather than fail, too! But you are setting an excellent example and giving LG life skills in perseverance.

Foraging - very good point about the dogs!  The weeds often come to visit my garden all unbidden, and we don't have a dog so I hadn't thought too much about that!

Greying_Pilgrim

Cherryfudge said:

I see what you mean - it didn't 100% ring true with me either, but I think these things can show up differently and to different degrees. So someone might absolutely refuse, while another person might feel that obedience/conformity/keeping rules is part of being acceptable, so they make themselves attend the test or smile when spoken to or eat everything on the plate, not because it isn't a problem for them but because they want to do right/be accepted.

Another thing to consider is whether they have been like this most of their life. If it's been the way of things since they were a toddler, perhaps it's part of their make up. If it came on later, could an experience have triggered it? That said, I've read about things that can be triggered before birth, if, for instance a mother has trauma and the child is born more wary as a result. That's all theoretical and may not have anything to do with LG.

I think the affecting to various degrees also isn't necessarily about the person themselves, it can be about what they are doing.  For example, I was watching Toy St0ry 407 last night and the kiddo - Bonnie was going for an induction session at nursery.  I don't think LG ever cried about going to nursery (that I can recall), but the first session at Reception, they cried - but then since, they have only "refused" to go to school once (we did get them there eventually, and managed - eventually - to get to the root of the issue and worked on that).  

I don't know if I agree with the concept that people conform/comply/accept in order to be accepted themselves.  Where LG has been fearful of something, and got themselves in a tizzy, if they really, really didn't want to do it they wouldn't - and there would be no way we could budge them. Maybe LG was just outwardly showing that they lacked belief they could achieve, but came along in the car.... just in case.... just in case..... if they tried... if they tried......they might surprise themselves and achieve something.  Whilst all the time making it perfectly clear that they were scared about the challenge they were facing.

Perhaps we've been lucky with the occasions lately that everything has turned out well, and none of LG's fears have come true.  But we've recently also had a situation whereby it was touch and go as to whether we removed them from a situation that they found upsetting.  What percentage was youthful anxiety, what percentage was it that the event wasn't particularly well run, wasn't engaging and wasn't providing a 'growth' experience?  It was extremely difficult to tell, particularly when LG wasn't the only one not particularly enjoying the experience/visibly upset.  

I suppose what I'm saying is that as a first time parent - who realises every kiddo is different - I'm never quite sure when to gently nurture and encourage, and when to say 'that's clearly not for you, let's move on' - as sometimes when LG puts their mind to it and tries, they do well.  Plus in LG's peer group (at school), there are very few of the kids (certainly in the same classroom) who do the sorts of things LG attempts.  There is an awful lot of mocking of effort from children who wouldn't even try the same activities themselves.  In some ways, although I say LG lacks confidence, compared to the many that won't even try, LG has buckets of confidence!

Tea last night was curry out of the freezer with lentil dhal and basmati rice.  By the time it was plated up, it wasn't boiling hot to eat, so not too bad a choice on a sunny day. 

The washing dried and needs to be put away.

Shopping day today. 2 more shopping days with approximately £60.  mmmm.

 Right, best crack on.  Greying X