Am I weird?!

yorkiechick

Me and my fiancé got engaged in 2021 and since then, haven't really put any thought into the actual deed of getting married/planning a wedding!

Granted, some life events have got in the way of things but the thought of having a wedding and the planning, doesn't appeal to either of us! And the more we think about it, the more we realise we'd be doing it to please friends and family. Naturally they're happy for us and want to celebrate with us etc. it just doesn't seem to appeal anymore. 

I don't know if it's an age thing, I'm 38 and my fiancé is 46. We've got better things to spend £1,000s on than a party! If we were still in our 20/30s then it would feel more important?

My mental health hasn't been 100% over the last couple of years either since I lost my mum and I don't know if that's what's also clouding my thinking. I've never been a huge social butterfly but would enjoy a family gathering. The thought of being the centre of attention gives me major anxiety!

Does anyone else feel like this?

pramsay13

Why did you get engaged? 
Nothing wrong with staying engaged for a long time (or forever) although people will ask you when you intend to get married as that what being engaged means. 
If you want to get married for other reasons just have a small registry wedding and invite important friends and relatives and then go to a pub afterwards for some food and drink. 

njkmr

Absolutely no need to get married or have a lavish wedding.
If your both happy as you are then carry on.
In years to come it may feel right to make it official but do it as you please, quietly even , during a holiday abroad .
No need to spend money on a party for everyone else.

sheramber

No need to have big wedding or a clebration afterwards.

You can have a registry wedding with just the two of you and two witnesses. Nobody else need know unless your partner wears a wedding ring to advertise the fact.

Emmia

There are benefits to being married, IHT for example, but you can do it very simply with no fuss/thousands being spent on a 'do'

yorkiechick

We absolutely want to be married, it just feels weird to not feel excited by having a wedding.

Emmia

yorkiechick said:

We absolutely want to be married, it just feels weird to not feel excited by having a wedding.

If you don't want the fuss, just do it simply.

Or do you feel obliged to have a massive wedding?

MiddleEverything

We know lots of people - of all ages - who had very small weddings for a variety of reasons. Pretty sure none of them were excited by the thought of a wedding! Perfectly normal.
If you don't want to plan a wedding, just book into the local registry office. Meal out afterwards. The budget ceremonies tend to be Tues/Weds lunchtimes at a single registry office in the local authority's area, so that helps with keeping it all low key

DullGreyGuy

yorkiechick said:

We absolutely want to be married, it just feels weird to not feel excited by having a wedding.

An associate got married after living with their partner for almost 30 years, only did it because they realised his pension would only payout to a spouse and not to an unmarried partner were he to die first. Registry office, 2 witnesses and in the pub afterwards like most other days. 

Not everyone has had childhood dreams of a big white wedding and the longer you leave it the less impactful it feels unless you have strong religious views on these things etc. As has been said and as illustrated above there are financial reasons for doing it but it doesn't have to be a major event for thousands.

We went middle ground, did look at the big white wedding thing but it didnt feel like us. Legal wedding was at the registry office with two witnesses. Had a modest number of close friends to dinner in a private dining room of a well known restaurant. Did the honeymoon 12 months later on the 1st anniversary as had just got a new job and didnt want to immediately take holiday. 

Pollycat

I never wanted a big white wedding.
I have been married twice. The first was at a registrar office with a reception at a nearby pub. That was 50 years ago.
The second was also at a Register Office with less than 15 people invited to the ceremony and lunch after. That was 36 years ago.

If it doesn't suit you to have a big, fancy, expensive wedding (for whatever reason), don't have it.

BungalowBel

We met and married within four months (nearly 54 years ago!) so there wasn't time for a big wedding.  Neither of us wanted one anyway.  We got married in a registry office with twelve guests and then had  party at a family member's home.  

You don't have to have a huge 'do' if you don't want one.