Partner moving in with me - how to work it financially

sheramber

blueberrye said:

He should pay for half the food, utilities and you should alternate with each other for repairs, clothing, holidays etc.

You are redirecting yet another old thread. The OP has not logged on since December 2023. 

It would be better if you checked the dates of postings on a thread before you reply.

factfind2024

Hi, I just signed up to give some advise. My partner moved in in may 2022 we agreed to go halfs on everything. My mortgage wad only 360 a month's so is very small. He moved into my house for 425 a month plus food on top which we went halfs on. When he moved in I lost £400 tax credits. But this didn't bother me, he moved in bringing home 3000 a month once I lost tax credits I was bringing hom 1260, the arguements started when he got a pay rise and I lost the child benifit. He didn't like the fact he had to pay for more as I had less. He moved out in november 2023 told he I was taking the !!!!!! financially and I needed to go find someone to support me in the way I wanted. I never needed supporting but was annoyed that we went halfs on everything yet I was financially in a worse place than he was, he got a pay rise I lose child benift because of it, he was getting better off as I was getting worse off. We are still together only separated for 5 weeks he now lives in a rented property, I am on the belive that when in a relationship living together you are a partnership and what each has is shared, but maybe I'm just old fashioned.

Jemma01

factfind2024 said:

Hi, I just signed up to give some advise. My partner moved in in may 2022 we agreed to go halfs on everything. My mortgage wad only 360 a month's so is very small. He moved into my house for 425 a month plus food on top which we went halfs on. When he moved in I lost £400 tax credits. But this didn't bother me, he moved in bringing home 3000 a month once I lost tax credits I was bringing hom 1260, the arguements started when he got a pay rise and I lost the child benifit. He didn't like the fact he had to pay for more as I had less. He moved out in november 2023 told he I was taking the !!!!!! financially and I needed to go find someone to support me in the way I wanted. I never needed supporting but was annoyed that we went halfs on everything yet I was financially in a worse place than he was, he got a pay rise I lose child benift because of it, he was getting better off as I was getting worse off. We are still together only separated for 5 weeks he now lives in a rented property, I am on the belive that when in a relationship living together you are a partnership and what each has is shared, but maybe I'm just old fashioned.

He probably calculated that living independently was cheaper than living with a parent and her children.
He clearly doesn't want to assume the parental responsibility of your children, this should have been discussed including any potential financial loss for you as a result of the increase in the overall household earnings.

Exodi

factfind2024 said:

Hi, I just signed up to give some advise. My partner moved in in may 2022 we agreed to go halfs on everything. My mortgage wad only 360 a month's so is very small. He moved into my house for 425 a month plus food on top which we went halfs on. When he moved in I lost £400 tax credits. But this didn't bother me, he moved in bringing home 3000 a month once I lost tax credits I was bringing hom 1260, the arguements started when he got a pay rise and I lost the child benifit. He didn't like the fact he had to pay for more as I had less. He moved out in november 2023 told he I was taking the !!!!!! financially and I needed to go find someone to support me in the way I wanted. I never needed supporting but was annoyed that we went halfs on everything yet I was financially in a worse place than he was, he got a pay rise I lose child benift because of it, he was getting better off as I was getting worse off. We are still together only separated for 5 weeks he now lives in a rented property, I am on the belive that when in a relationship living together you are a partnership and what each has is shared, but maybe I'm just old fashioned.

Sorry, what was the advice you're giving?

If you'd read this thread, you'd have seen that charging a new partner for half the mortgage that you were previously happy paying alone is an unpopular position.

It sounds like he was paying half the mortgage (I expect without benefiting from any equity), half the bills, half the food, subsidised you for the loss of £400 in tax credits, then some time after an expectation to subsidise you for the loss of child benefit (I'm not clear on how many kids you have but assuming two kids and £500 a month on food, that's a requirement of £1259.38 a month from him). I appreciate you may say 'that's not my fault' but likewise it's not his.

I presume they're not his children and I suspect the relationship, once he understood the full gravity of it, was no longer appealing to him. You must appreciate it is a big  ask of a new partner.

On your last point: "I am [of] the [belief] that when in a relationship living together you are a partnership and what each has is shared, but maybe I'm just old fashioned." - this is an easy position to take as the person with less, but if you do genuinely believe this, did you put him on the deeds to the house? Or even just reimburse him for the equity gained while he was contributing to your mortgage?