We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum. This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are - or become - political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
Is this bullying?
DVT17
Posts: 16 Forumite
I have been employed at my place of work for 6 years. For the first 3+ years everything was fine. But then, for no particular reason, the 3 workers I work mostly with, started to change their attitude towards me. I confronted them one day and management had to get involved and things go better. Our company was amalgamated with our parent company and we had a new manager put in place. That's when things seriousely began to deteriorate.
The new manager became very friendly with the 3 co-workers I had problems with earlier. There was also another employee that they didn't get on with and in fact, he was the focus of their attention more than myself even.
Anywway, I go into an altercation with one of them one morning as he was on the yard but wasn't carrying out his duties ie helping me to load a vehicle. When he passed me by, I asked him if there was any particular reason that couldn't be bothered to help? He swore at me and after a bried exchange said that he'd meet me outside after work. I'm acutally 20 years older than him but I said to him, that if he wanted to meet me outside then let's go outside that very moment. He backed off and kept away from me. I told my manager and he basically said that it was my word against his so nothing further was done. I knew that this guy and his friend were clocking each other in and out and I told the other employee was a type of admin staff member. He watched them and caught them doing it. He reported them. The manager said he was angry about it and then went to the two guys clocking each other in and out that I had told the admin guy and that he had reported to him. He gave them a final warning by all accounts.
Anyway, the admin guy decided to leave and he made complaints about the manager, another admin person (admin person 2) and the two guys clocking themselves in and out. He wanted me to corroborate. The manager basically told me I was unwise to back up his story as I would have to continue working with these people after the admin person had long gone. I decided to go along with that and said nothing 'incriminating' when inverviewed. I thought things would improve but they have just continued to deteriorate.
The other 3 workers now hardly talk to me and they don't sit in the canteen/staff room if I am there. They'll eat in the office with admin person 2. No admin person 2 has stared to give me a hard time. When the manager is off, she has the task of allocating us jobs and invariably, she'll make things awkward for me. A few weeks ago, I refused to do this job and I went home. It came to a head. I also got a little angry shall we say and I didn't come in the next day. A manager from another site came and interviewed both of us and I am certain that he saw that it wasn't all my fault. Nothing further came of it and this person's behaviour actually improved for a while. Admin person 2 has even said out in front of others that she hates me even in front of the manager. She doesn't hate me as I have very little to do with her and keep my dealings with her strictly work on a work only basis. But she's obsessed by the guy that said he would meet me outside after work.
On Friday, she asked another employee to come into the office where they had been having cakes etc and offering to everyone bar myself. She then gave the other employee a task for me to do. I said that others had returned to base before me and that she should have given that task to them.....well it was only one if fact, they guy she's obsessed with. And, that if she wanted me to do anything, she should talk to me rather than get someone else to pass on her message. She then phoned our manager who was off sick. He then telephone me and said that if I refused to do what she asked me then there would be repercussions on Monday. The other guy actually went and did the task which was to make some kind of delivery. The manager ended with saying that I and admin person 2 would both have to be in his office on Monday. But I know, he's going to side with her even though she isn't really good at her job and has a terrible attitude. She was shouting in the office on the phone to someone about myself that nobody liked me exept for ..... and ......But all the witnesses at that time were her friends.
On Friday for example, I heard her taling aggrsessively with a customer and she had the phone on loud speaker so that her two friends in the office could hear the conversation. I think I know who the customer is. (I have thought about contacting them to make a complaint but I'm concerned that the customer may drop me in it.) She ended the call and said, "You don't want to f**** me off!). That's true enough.
In my view, our manager has allowed things to deteriorate so that they don't sit in a room where I am. There are two other employees there who I get on with pretty well. Is it a case of bullying that they are making out that I am not invited when they are sharing cakes etc and won't sit in the same room as me? I'm not that keen on cakes but still it does hurt a bit. Really......the main issue is the guy who invited me outside and he's influencing all of the others. When the two employees who I get on with aren't there I feel really down and yes....lonely and being treated in an undignified manner. I usually get on with most people and I've never come across this before either as a child or adult. Talking to my manager is pointless as his priority is his own popularity amongst the greatest number of employees. I don't know what to do.
The new manager became very friendly with the 3 co-workers I had problems with earlier. There was also another employee that they didn't get on with and in fact, he was the focus of their attention more than myself even.
Anywway, I go into an altercation with one of them one morning as he was on the yard but wasn't carrying out his duties ie helping me to load a vehicle. When he passed me by, I asked him if there was any particular reason that couldn't be bothered to help? He swore at me and after a bried exchange said that he'd meet me outside after work. I'm acutally 20 years older than him but I said to him, that if he wanted to meet me outside then let's go outside that very moment. He backed off and kept away from me. I told my manager and he basically said that it was my word against his so nothing further was done. I knew that this guy and his friend were clocking each other in and out and I told the other employee was a type of admin staff member. He watched them and caught them doing it. He reported them. The manager said he was angry about it and then went to the two guys clocking each other in and out that I had told the admin guy and that he had reported to him. He gave them a final warning by all accounts.
Anyway, the admin guy decided to leave and he made complaints about the manager, another admin person (admin person 2) and the two guys clocking themselves in and out. He wanted me to corroborate. The manager basically told me I was unwise to back up his story as I would have to continue working with these people after the admin person had long gone. I decided to go along with that and said nothing 'incriminating' when inverviewed. I thought things would improve but they have just continued to deteriorate.
The other 3 workers now hardly talk to me and they don't sit in the canteen/staff room if I am there. They'll eat in the office with admin person 2. No admin person 2 has stared to give me a hard time. When the manager is off, she has the task of allocating us jobs and invariably, she'll make things awkward for me. A few weeks ago, I refused to do this job and I went home. It came to a head. I also got a little angry shall we say and I didn't come in the next day. A manager from another site came and interviewed both of us and I am certain that he saw that it wasn't all my fault. Nothing further came of it and this person's behaviour actually improved for a while. Admin person 2 has even said out in front of others that she hates me even in front of the manager. She doesn't hate me as I have very little to do with her and keep my dealings with her strictly work on a work only basis. But she's obsessed by the guy that said he would meet me outside after work.
On Friday, she asked another employee to come into the office where they had been having cakes etc and offering to everyone bar myself. She then gave the other employee a task for me to do. I said that others had returned to base before me and that she should have given that task to them.....well it was only one if fact, they guy she's obsessed with. And, that if she wanted me to do anything, she should talk to me rather than get someone else to pass on her message. She then phoned our manager who was off sick. He then telephone me and said that if I refused to do what she asked me then there would be repercussions on Monday. The other guy actually went and did the task which was to make some kind of delivery. The manager ended with saying that I and admin person 2 would both have to be in his office on Monday. But I know, he's going to side with her even though she isn't really good at her job and has a terrible attitude. She was shouting in the office on the phone to someone about myself that nobody liked me exept for ..... and ......But all the witnesses at that time were her friends.
On Friday for example, I heard her taling aggrsessively with a customer and she had the phone on loud speaker so that her two friends in the office could hear the conversation. I think I know who the customer is. (I have thought about contacting them to make a complaint but I'm concerned that the customer may drop me in it.) She ended the call and said, "You don't want to f**** me off!). That's true enough.
In my view, our manager has allowed things to deteriorate so that they don't sit in a room where I am. There are two other employees there who I get on with pretty well. Is it a case of bullying that they are making out that I am not invited when they are sharing cakes etc and won't sit in the same room as me? I'm not that keen on cakes but still it does hurt a bit. Really......the main issue is the guy who invited me outside and he's influencing all of the others. When the two employees who I get on with aren't there I feel really down and yes....lonely and being treated in an undignified manner. I usually get on with most people and I've never come across this before either as a child or adult. Talking to my manager is pointless as his priority is his own popularity amongst the greatest number of employees. I don't know what to do.
0
Comments
-
No - you obviously dont get on with them, so they are avoiding issues by not including youDVT17 said:I have been employed at my place of work for 6 years. For the first 3+ years everything was fine. But then, for no particular reason, the 3 workers I work mostly with, started to change their attitude towards me. I confronted them one day and management had to get involved and things go better. Our company was amalgamated with our parent company and we had a new manager put in place. That's when things seriousely began to deteriorate.
The new manager became very friendly with the 3 co-workers I had problems with earlier. There was also another employee that they didn't get on with and in fact, he was the focus of their attention more than myself even.
Anywway, I go into an altercation with one of them one morning as he was on the yard but wasn't carrying out his duties ie helping me to load a vehicle. When he passed me by, I asked him if there was any particular reason that couldn't be bothered to help? He swore at me and after a bried exchange said that he'd meet me outside after work. I'm acutally 20 years older than him but I said to him, that if he wanted to meet me outside then let's go outside that very moment. He backed off and kept away from me. I told my manager and he basically said that it was my word against his so nothing further was done. I knew that this guy and his friend were clocking each other in and out and I told the other employee was a type of admin staff member. He watched them and caught them doing it. He reported them. The manager said he was angry about it and then went to the two guys clocking each other in and out that I had told the admin guy and that he had reported to him. He gave them a final warning by all accounts.
Anyway, the admin guy decided to leave and he made complaints about the manager, another admin person (admin person 2) and the two guys clocking themselves in and out. He wanted me to corroborate. The manager basically told me I was unwise to back up his story as I would have to continue working with these people after the admin person had long gone. I decided to go along with that and said nothing 'incriminating' when inverviewed. I thought things would improve but they have just continued to deteriorate.
The other 3 workers now hardly talk to me and they don't sit in the canteen/staff room if I am there. They'll eat in the office with admin person 2. No admin person 2 has stared to give me a hard time. When the manager is off, she has the task of allocating us jobs and invariably, she'll make things awkward for me. A few weeks ago, I refused to do this job and I went home. It came to a head. I also got a little angry shall we say and I didn't come in the next day. A manager from another site came and interviewed both of us and I am certain that he saw that it wasn't all my fault. Nothing further came of it and this person's behaviour actually improved for a while. Admin person 2 has even said out in front of others that she hates me even in front of the manager. She doesn't hate me as I have very little to do with her and keep my dealings with her strictly work on a work only basis. But she's obsessed by the guy that said he would meet me outside after work.
On Friday, she asked another employee to come into the office where they had been having cakes etc and offering to everyone bar myself. She then gave the other employee a task for me to do. I said that others had returned to base before me and that she should have given that task to them.....well it was only one if fact, they guy she's obsessed with. And, that if she wanted me to do anything, she should talk to me rather than get someone else to pass on her message. She then phoned our manager who was off sick. He then telephone me and said that if I refused to do what she asked me then there would be repercussions on Monday. The other guy actually went and did the task which was to make some kind of delivery. The manager ended with saying that I and admin person 2 would both have to be in his office on Monday. But I know, he's going to side with her even though she isn't really good at her job and has a terrible attitude. She was shouting in the office on the phone to someone about myself that nobody liked me exept for ..... and ......But all the witnesses at that time were her friends.
On Friday for example, I heard her taling aggrsessively with a customer and she had the phone on loud speaker so that her two friends in the office could hear the conversation. I think I know who the customer is. (I have thought about contacting them to make a complaint but I'm concerned that the customer may drop me in it.) She ended the call and said, "You don't want to f**** me off!). That's true enough.
In my view, our manager has allowed things to deteriorate so that they don't sit in a room where I am. There are two other employees there who I get on with pretty well. Is it a case of bullying that they are making out that I am not invited when they are sharing cakes etc and won't sit in the same room as me? I'm not that keen on cakes but still it does hurt a bit. Really......the main issue is the guy who invited me outside and he's influencing all of the others. When the two employees who I get on with aren't there I feel really down and yes....lonely and being treated in an undignified manner. I usually get on with most people and I've never come across this before either as a child or adult. Talking to my manager is pointless as his priority is his own popularity amongst the greatest number of employees. I don't know what to do.0 -
I see nothing in that which amounts to bullying. If people don't want to socialise with you that's up to them. There were plenty of people I've worked with who I didn't want to socialise with and presumably plenty who didn't want to socialise with me. The manager shouldn't have told those involved in the clocking offences who it was who reported them, but that's a potential disciplinary matter, not bullying. Unless the OP was the other person's line manager he shouldn't have had a go about his work ethic, and certainly shouldn't have offered to fight him!Turn not being included into a positive by making use of the breaks to do what you want to do e.g. reading a book.0
-
In actual fact, it was his job to assist me as he had been given yard duty on that particular day. But he just sat in the office with admin person 2. When he appeared, I tackled him....verbally.TELLIT01 said:I see nothing in that which amounts to bullying. If people don't want to socialise with you that's up to them. There were plenty of people I've worked with who I didn't want to socialise with and presumably plenty who didn't want to socialise with me. The manager shouldn't have told those involved in the clocking offences who it was who reported them, but that's a potential disciplinary matter, not bullying. Unless the OP was the other person's line manager he shouldn't have had a go about his work ethic, and certainly shouldn't have offered to fight him!Turn not being included into a positive by making use of the breaks to do what you want to do e.g. reading a book.0 -
A simple solution
Leave and be happy0 -
I totally agree but I need to find something that I want. I like my work but there's a couple of unpleasant charachters there which doesn't bother me that much except for that this admin person sometimes has a degree of authority over me. And I have one pretty good friend there who I will feel guilty about leaving in that snake pit.MikeJXE said:A simple solution
Leave and be happy0 -
Nothing to stop your friend exiting the snake pit too...DVT17 said:
I totally agree but I need to find something that I want. I like my work but there's a couple of unpleasant charachters there which doesn't bother me that much except for that this admin person sometimes has a degree of authority over me. And I have one pretty good friend there who I will feel guilty about leaving in that snake pit.MikeJXE said:A simple solution
Leave and be happyGoogling on your question might have been both quicker and easier, if you're only after simple facts rather than opinions!0 -
" asked him if there was any particular reason that couldn't be bothered to help? "
seems to be where it all started, and I cannot say I am surprised. That is a very antagonistic way to ask the question.2021 GC £1365.71/ £24000 -
No it wasn't the start of it. Besides, it wa his job to help me on that day. He had done similar things over the course of a few months....shutting a gate in my face on two occasions for example amongst other things. It takes a lot to get me to react. I honestly think that the problem is that I have done some courses at the company one of which which our manager had failed and his area manager had too. And even now I am doing some things in the course of my employment which the others aren't able to work out by themselves. The manager has asks me for guidance. So I think some form of jealousy is playing a part.BrassicWoman said:" asked him if there was any particular reason that couldn't be bothered to help? "
seems to be where it all started, and I cannot say I am surprised. That is a very antagonistic way to ask the question.0 -
I'm afraid I couldn't easily follow your opening post but a few things that came to mind:
- being socially excluded or isolated from things, even things you wouldn't ordinarily care about (cakes etc) does suck, it's not just the act, it's the statement.
- That said, you do come across a bit authoritative and a bit watching what others do, this, has probably marked you out, and challenging what people are doing or not doing is a managers task
- if you do need to lodge a complaint, take it to management, follow the company greivance process. If people aren't helping, don't necessarily tell the person to help, ask the manager for help as you dont have the manpower (let the manager identify for themselves that someone isn't helping)
- keep a diary of all events, a greivance over a door being shut in front of you isn't bullying but a culture of it is, helps if you can evidence it
- if it's really bad do consider looking elsewhere, could be a hidden growth opportunity and fighting management is difficult [especially if you're in the right]
But most importantly, do your job to your best ability. Don't not do something because someone else has ducked out or gone absent, etc etc. By being a bit rubbish the other employees are foregoing their chance to shine and making you more noticeable. Take advantage and be managements support.
I'm not saying suck up, but keep your own back clean, let others throw themselves in the pit.
1 -
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.Dakta said:I'm afraid I couldn't easily follow your opening post but a few things that came to mind:
- being socially excluded or isolated from things, even things you wouldn't ordinarily care about (cakes etc) does suck, it's not just the act, it's the statement.
- That said, you do come across a bit authoritative and a bit watching what others do, this, has probably marked you out, and challenging what people are doing or not doing is a managers task
- if you do need to lodge a complaint, take it to management, follow the company greivance process. If people aren't helping, don't necessarily tell the person to help, ask the manager for help as you dont have the manpower (let the manager identify for themselves that someone isn't helping)
- keep a diary of all events, a greivance over a door being shut in front of you isn't bullying but a culture of it is, helps if you can evidence it
- if it's really bad do consider looking elsewhere, could be a hidden growth opportunity and fighting management is difficult [especially if you're in the right]
But most importantly, do your job to your best ability. Don't not do something because someone else has ducked out or gone absent, etc etc. By being a bit rubbish the other employees are foregoing their chance to shine and making you more noticeable. Take advantage and be managements support.
I'm not saying suck up, but keep your own back clean, let others throw themselves in the pit.
Is that statement you mention something that should be dealt with by a manger? I guess it's not a case of bullying but it is designed to hurt.
I don't think I'm authoritative but I take on board what you say.
Our manager, continusouly says in our meetings that I am doing this or doing that which the others aren't doing. I'm sure it drives them crazy. The other guy I am friendly with is very conscientious too. But then, our manager is the best of friends with 'them'. And if there are any nice or easy tasks, he invarably gives it to them. I'm just so frustrated and really, I have to look for something else. Let's hope tomorrow goes well because I have to have a meeting with the manager and this admin person 2 who's request I refused on Friday just gone. I just know he's going to side with her.0
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 349K Banking & Borrowing
- 252.4K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 452.7K Spending & Discounts
- 241.9K Work, Benefits & Business
- 618.5K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 176.1K Life & Family
- 254.9K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards