Sister in Law heartbreak.

PeterJames123

Hi All, looking for some advice as my brain is tired. My wife’s sister lives with her husband and two autistic children in a beautiful 4 bedroom house. The house is under his mothers name yet he pays all the bills, including car payments and has been since the start of the marriage. He has always paid for all the children’s needs and her lifestyle giving her over £2000k a month to spend on whatever she likes. She has no qualifications, got married  at 17 and has been happy until last month when she found out he’s been living a secret double life. he has another girlfriend and has been dating her for 2 years who is pregnant with his child. His answer was ok now you have found out, deal with it or leave and move into a government flat and live of benefits, he will pay child maintenance but that’s as far as it goes. She’s distraught as both children are under 8 and in routines which she does not want to change. He said he will stay in the spare room but he refuses to give up his other life. I honest don’t know what advice to give her as why should she leave? But on the other hand she’s always on edge because she has nothing to her name. She’s been crying and I just can’t think of a decent solution, the autism the elder one is quite hard and he’s quite happy to watch her struggle and the kids if she decides to go. 

elsien

She doesn’t need to do anything at the moment, she needs time to take stock.

He is not being accurate to say that she will walk away with nothing – all the property, savings and pensions will count as marital assets with a 50-50 split as a starting point.
however, keeping the house may not be possible – spousal maintenance is rare nowadays and even if there’s enough in the pots for her to keep it in exchange for leaving his pension alone  (for  example) she still has to be able to run it.
People will probably pop on here to say she can stay there till the children are 18 – that’s a bit of a misconception.
She really needs to get some legal advice. But if he’s generally always working or with his other woman, and she’s probably doing most of the childcare on her own anyway.

This isn’t the time for hasty decisions. He’s had years to plan for her finding out she’s already starting off on the back foot.

Get legal advice before making any decisions.

Keep_pedalling

Does she have a good relationship with her mother in law? If she does that maybe she should confide in her. I doubt too many mothers would be very approving of their causing their grandchildren to loose their home. 

bouicca21

She doesn’t have to leave or live on benefits.  The house, any other assets (including cars and pension pots) are not his, they are marital assets.  

She needs proper legal advice, but in the meantime she can get preliminary advice and more importantly emotional support from people who have been or are going through it by signing up to Wikivorce.

sheramber

elsien said:

She doesn’t need to do anything at the moment, she needs time to take stock.

He is not being accurate to say that she will walk away with nothing – all the property, savings and pensions will count as marital assets with a 50-50 split as a starting point.
however, keeping the house may not be possible – spousal maintenance is rare nowadays and even if there’s enough in the pots for her to keep it in exchange for leaving his pension alone  (for  example) she still has to be able to run it.
People will probably pop on here to say she can stay there till the children are 18 – that’s a bit of a misconception.
She really needs to get some legal advice. But if he’s generally always working or with his other woman, and she’s probably doing most of the childcare on her own anyway.

This isn’t the time for hasty decisions. He’s had years to plan for her finding out she’s already starting off on the back foot.

Get legal advice before making any decisions.

The house belongs to his mother, not him or them.

gwynlas

No matter who owns the house nobody can just tell her to leave with or without the children. If the mother does not live in the house then they wold be classed as tenants regardless of whether any actual money changes hands as I am pretty sure that they would be paying their own bills. It is best if she contacts Shelter to clarify her position as well as a family solicitor regarding divorce. It could be that her husband is in a controlling relationship with his mother as well and claims rights that he does not legally have.

elsien

sheramber said:

elsien said:

She doesn’t need to do anything at the moment, she needs time to take stock.

He is not being accurate to say that she will walk away with nothing – all the property, savings and pensions will count as marital assets with a 50-50 split as a starting point.
however, keeping the house may not be possible – spousal maintenance is rare nowadays and even if there’s enough in the pots for her to keep it in exchange for leaving his pension alone  (for  example) she still has to be able to run it.
People will probably pop on here to say she can stay there till the children are 18 – that’s a bit of a misconception.
She really needs to get some legal advice. But if he’s generally always working or with his other woman, and she’s probably doing most of the childcare on her own anyway.

This isn’t the time for hasty decisions. He’s had years to plan for her finding out she’s already starting off on the back foot.

Get legal advice before making any decisions.

The house belongs to his mother, not him or them.

Ah ok, I misread that.

sheramber

gwynlas said:

No matter who owns the house nobody can just tell her to leave with or without the children. If the mother does not live in the house then they wold be classed as tenants regardless of whether any actual money changes hands as I am pretty sure that they would be paying their own bills. It is best if she contacts Shelter to clarify her position as well as a family solicitor regarding divorce. It could be that her husband is in a controlling relationship with his mother as well and claims rights that he does not legally have.

No. but the vslue of the house does not form part of the dovorce settlement.

bouicca21

sheramber said:

gwynlas said:

No matter who owns the house nobody can just tell her to leave with or without the children. If the mother does not live in the house then they wold be classed as tenants regardless of whether any actual money changes hands as I am pretty sure that they would be paying their own bills. It is best if she contacts Shelter to clarify her position as well as a family solicitor regarding divorce. It could be that her husband is in a controlling relationship with his mother as well and claims rights that he does not legally have.

No. but the vslue of the house does not form part of the dovorce settlement.

Definitely a case for legal advice. There are all sorts of possibilities here. Maybe the house genuinely belongs to his mother, but maybe the couple have some sort of beneficial interest.  Who has been paying the mortgage ( if there is one); who has been paying for repairs and maintenance?  Have they been paying rent? Is there an actual legal tenancy? 

TBagpuss

She needs some legal advice.

If the marriage ends, then a court will divide up the available assets. If he is giving her £2,000 a month as well as paying the household bills he presumably has a pretty high income, he may well have pensions with significant value, so she might well have a claim for pension shares and for spousal maintenance , if there are truly no other capital assets.

If the house belongs to his mother then that isn't a matrimonial asset, but equally, it would be up to his mother to decide who gets to stay and who has to leave. Assuming MIL doesn't also live in the house then she may well have created a tenancy which likely means she can't force you SIL very easily. 

Spousal maintenance is unusual these days but it is something the court has the power to order, where appropriate - if the children's autism is severe enough that it is impractical for mum to work outside the house that would be very relevant, even if not, she might be entitled to maintenance for herself on a short term basis s even if she is able to get a job, she'll need time to get established. 

What is her relationship with her MIL like, and is MIL likely to be willing to make her grandchildren homeless?