Occupation Rent?

Mysweet96

DE_612183 said:

Of course if he has stopped paying the mortgage, worst case is the house will get re-possessed and the sold - whatever is left after the sale etc will be split 50/50...probably not a good outcome for you.

Thank you for replying again DE_612183. No not a good outcome for me Means we would both get around £113k each, when I paid £101k deposit in 2015, and he's only paid £30k so far, off the mortgage. So ultimately I would make £12k and he would make £83k.  I have me and our 2 children to house, and he only has himself.  Wish I'd not sold my previous house and moved. I would have been mortgage free by now in my 3 bed house with our girls.

Mysweet96

doodling said:

Hi,

Please don't take my comments as being critical or telling you that you have no rights.  I'm trying to get you to understand the process and think about what you need to do to get what you are entitled to.

You need to find a solicitor who is an expert in ToLATA claims.  This is now urgent as he has stopped paying the mortgage.  From what you have said, I doubt a court would order that your ex is due as much as 50% of the equity.

Unfortunately him stopping paying the mortgage will affect both of your credit files but there isn't anything you can immediately do about that - don't pay the mortgage if you can't afford it.

Whilst you may not be able to do anything about paying the mortgage, make sure that the mortgage company has your contact details and that they send any letters to both of you.  This is not an unusual request (it is common in cases like yours and in divorces) and they should be able to do so easily.  It does no harm to tell them about the situation but there won't be much they can do other than keep you informed of their responses to it.

Whilst going to a solicitor (and potentially to court) may seem expensive,  I think you need to do this soon.  Whilst it might cost money, it is clear that the house is a big thing linking you to your ex and getting it sorted will be a huge weight off your shoulders an allow you to move on with your life a bit more.

Hi Doodling,

Thank you for your reply and sorry if I sounded a bit defensive.  I appreciate you helping me understand the process - thank you

I was unaware of ToLATA claims, so that is something I will look into.  I know that him not paying the mortgage will affect our credit files badly, so as well as him trying to damage me some more, he is shooting himself in the foot also.

I have an appt with my bank next week, who the mortgage is with.  I've been with them since 1987 and had a mortgage with them for around the last 23 years. Sole mortgage on my previous own house until 2015, joint mortgage from there). I never missed a payment and never had to reduce my payments in any way, so I'm hoping they will be sympathetic for my situation.  But I guess it's a business at the end of the day, so I'll see.

A Solicitor is expensive, and I can't afford to get my self in debt on a credit card if I get to court and this doesn't work out in my favour, I need to try and find one who offers legal aid, as I have passed CLA assessment. I already contacted a couple of local ones this week, but they both said they will only take my case on as a paying customer, not via legal aid   I will do some more hunting over the coming days and keep my fingers crossed.  You are right, I really do need to get this sorted, it's dragged and is dragging mine and my girls life down so much.  Would be great  to post some good news on here at some point!

Mysweet96

breaking_free said:

Mysweet96 said:

I didn't think of calling his bluff because he tells me that if it goes to court, I will end up having to pay the fees (£30k to £35k). Probably said that to scare me.

Indeed! He's full of utter rot. Having come out of an abusive relationship myself I can tell you that my partner insisted that he'd get my entire house that I paid 100% for. He'd also take everything in my bank accounts and he'd clean out my dad's bank account too, have both of us killed by "people he knew", blah, blah, rhubarb, rhubarb ad infinitum. All total BS, but the difference between your good self and me is that I knew it was lies. Why? Because he always lied to me!

Assume that anything your ex partner says is a lie. Did he tell you he's stopped paying the mortgage? If so it's a lie because where is he going to live when the house gets repossessed eh? He's just saying this to make you upset. 

Best advice I can give you is to post on the Women's Aid forum. You'll mostly get moral support there, but you may be surprised at the practical advice you receive. For example, my ex managed to get "his" side of our story published in a women's magazine, but when I found out he'd flogged it to another one I was able to contact that magazine and get it quashed thanks to advice from a poster at Women's Aid. 

Remember, lots of people have been in your situation so the knowledge is out there - you just have to find it xx

Dear Breaking Free,

Thank you for your response

Your name sounds like that's exactly what you did   And thank goodness you did!!! Friends have said to me that it's such a brave thing to do, to leave someone like that, and it's true.  However the fight and bravery has to continue past that too, and as you know, it's not easy, especially when you also have kids to protect.  Did I mention he reported me to social services twice too with false claims. Both times the cases were closed and no action required. I was in fact reassured that I was looking after my girls well on my own and that he was the one with the issues. It was all very stressful for me and my girls.  SS said it was not uncommon to be reported to them by difficult ex partners.  What a waste of precious SS time and resources!!

Your situation sounds like it was a nightmare, well done for getting out and fighting for what was yours.  Your ex sounds a bit crazy thinking he can also clear out your Dad's bank account and have you both killed!!!  I'm sure there are men who have experienced this treatment from ex partners too. Either way, I find it so sad that you spend years of your life with someone supporting them through thick and thin and it ends up with them trying to take everything off of you and your children when you stand up for yourself and can no longer live a life of misery with them. (My ex is not a loving, supportive father at all, and very controlling towards them).

Thank you for your advice, it's really helpful.  I've never posted on any forum before but I'm glad I did.  I just stumbled on this one and had a moment of thinking 'I wonder if anyone will read this and have any advice?'. I'm glad I did it, it's really lifted my spirits and put some fight back into me xx

Mysweet96

Richard1212 said:

Mysweet96 said:

Thank you for your kind message Richard1212. I wish I could find a solicitor who specialises in such matters. I've tried so hard to find someone to help me. To make matters worse, I have discovered tonight that he has stopped paying the mortgage when he is fully capable of paying it and it's a lot less than my rent! This is probably going to further cripple me now. He is just so awful, doesn't even care about the effect of financially crippling me is having on our children.  I think I'll have to take an emergency day off work tomorrow to try and get to see someone at citizen's advice.  The thing is, not being married, I don't think I actually have any rights

You most certainly DO have rights, married or not (makes no difference ) and I suggest you ask any solicitor to refer you to a specialist in family/property disputes----or ask Citizens Advice Bureau to recommend a good solicitor. There are very many solicitors out there , especially female solicitors, who treat cases like yours as a "mission in life" and have a real vocation to help in such situations.

And your latest news about the despicable stopping of mortgage makes matters more pressing. As I said before-----if you don't act soon, you will be making the second worst decision of your life and you and your children will be getting into deeper trouble. Please, please take legal action. With every best wish and rooting for you all the way !

Hi Richard1212
Thank you again for taking the time to type me a message

I realise I have to act quicker now, what with him stopping the mortgage payments. So I'm taking the next week off work to try and get the ball rolling.  I think most time will be spent finding the right solicitor, hopefully one that has a mission like you suggest, whether that be through Citizens advice or by my searching the internet.

Also, I was thinking, I'm not sure if he has any life insurance to cover the mortgage if he becomes ill with anything. So I really do need to get out of this and get myself back to my previous position to owning my own home again.  And this time stay that way!  I need to free up the money in the house also, so our girls have something they can rely on for the future.

Thank you so much for your best wishes.  I hope to post a success comment on here one day soon!