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Does dad have a condition- wastes hundreds of pounds on things he will never use

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This may seem like an odd question, but my dad lives alone and has been divorced 12 yrs and in those 12yrs things have got worse. 

In some ways he is extremely tight with money. He prides himself on how little he spends on gas and electricity. He will measure water before boiling it, sit in the dark to watch TV, turn every plug off at the wall that he can, turn his wifi router off unless he wants to use the Internet. 

And he always buys discounted food due to nearing expiry.

But at the same time he constantly wastes money and buys things he never uses and knows he never will. He bought some books from a newspaper offer bit doesn't read books. He went on to buy more books because "they had good reviews " but knows he will never read them. He must have bought circa 50 books that he doesn't want to read , and even bought 2 books twice. 

He bought 2 coffee makers that were on offer- but he doesn't drink coffee.

He has a 5 foot fridge, rammed with food, a 5 ft freezer rammed with food, loads of crisps and snacks and bottles of all sorts, all out of date. 

He will see food on offer, buy it because its on offer, and leave it to go off. But not bin it. 

I could go on for ages.

Does anyone know if this is representative of a condition etc?

Thank you
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Comments

  • tightauldgit
    tightauldgit Posts: 2,628 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    He sounds a lot like me in many ways although I've consciously made an effort to simply not buy any more stuff and in fact to get rid of the stuff i do have of late.

    I don't think it's necessarily a condition, for me (and possibly your dad) it was more about boredom, spending too much time online spotting things that 'look like a bargain' or 'might come in useful' or 'look like something I would like' and a bit of a 'collecting instinct'. 

    Even now I've got books unread, DVDs unwatched, CDs unlistened to, electrical items sitting unopened in boxes from 5 years ago. The only redeeming thing is I've been able to recover a lot of my money by putting the stuff on ebay and often selling it for more than I paid for it. 

    Are there other parts of his life that give you cause for concern? Is any of this purchasing affecting his life or causing him financial issues or anything? 

    It might be worth having a chat with him and see if he wants to get rid of some of the stuff?  
  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 36,056 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited 6 August 2023 at 7:31PM
    In common parlance, known as “penny wise, pound foolish.”  Possibly starting to verge on hoarding. 
    A couple of things come to mind – is this a new thing or has he always had a bit of a tendency? 
    How much enjoyment is he get in from his life – is he socially isolated?
    Does he perceive that there is a problem or is he perfectly happy with how things are.
    Even if he’s got a “condition” sticking a label on someone doesn’t mean anything is going to change unless he wants it to. 

    Have you tried talking to him at all and what does he say? 

    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • theoretica
    theoretica Posts: 12,691 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    One thing which comes to my mind - with the food mainly - is potentially a lack of housekeeping skills.  Working out how much of what food he will really eat, and then eating it (and not being over optimistic about what he will cook and then not getting round to it, which can be a failure for me).  Also, with the out of date food some won't be dangerous, but some may be a genuine health risk.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
  • claire111
    claire111 Posts: 286 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    How old is he ?

    I have known two separate elderly people who behave similarly with food, clothes and random items from catalogues.

    They both have mild dementia. I don't know if they overshop because they forget what they already have or if this is recognised behaviour but it may be worth investigating if you suspect it may be a possibility ?
  • Longwalker
    Longwalker Posts: 909 Forumite
    500 Posts Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    TBH, and Im probably out of order and I really dont mean offence, but loneliness cant trigger these spending sprees on stuff not wanted or needed

    The books, part of a club?, lots of talk about them?

    I cant say my mental health makes me spend - it does. Do I have a condition? Well Im an aspi and at 59 Im not playing on that one, I know myself a lot :)

    What I do know is I start spending when theres a want in my life

    Obviously my wants are different from anyone else's , speak with your dad, find out whats really going on and stop looking for a "condition "  Its life and life is carp at times

  • yelf
    yelf Posts: 863 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    Hrs 75. He doesn't even know when food tastes gone off or not as he is so used to eating it.
    He is socially inept and on the autistic spectrum. 
    Personal hygiene is also lacking.
    When anyone tries to talk to him he basically shrugs it off 
  • lincroft1710
    lincroft1710 Posts: 18,908 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    I think he has a "condition", but I'm not sure what it is called and he probably won't agree that he has. Sadly I don't  think there is much you can do about it
    If you are querying your Council Tax band would you please state whether you are in England, Scotland or Wales
  • We had this with my late grandmother and it was loneliness. Both myself and my mum were working full-time so couldn't be there with her all day and she became addicted to tv shopping channels. When we spoke to her about it she just used to say that the people on the telly made the items look so good and it felt like they were talking directly to her...obviously the way they are meant to make people feel!

    Is it possible that your dad feel part of a community with the book reviews etc? I know you've mentioned he's socially inept so is this a way for him to feel part of something without having to interact with people face-to-face?

    With the housekeeping, that's just something that will need to be tackled a bit at a time. Could you do a big clean of his house - or hire someone in if you're too busy - to show him how it could look? Not to be presumptuous, but I do know of several older men who have been divorced/widowed and then it has become apparent that the woman was doing all the housekeeping and the men had no idea where to even begin 
  • Whalie
    Whalie Posts: 218 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Photogenic Combo Breaker
    My father has dementia.  One of the things he does is buy books.  He can spend ages in charity shops, looking at the books and coming home with a few that he has bought before.  When grocery shopping, he always wants to buy certain items, not happy when you tell him no as he already plenty in stock.  Not saying your father has this but maybe something to look into.
  • MikeJXE
    MikeJXE Posts: 3,856 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'm very much like your dad, I watch what I spend on normal day to day stuff including energy awareness 

    On the other hand I buy expensive things I think I need and later realise I don't, I do return them or sell them on but that means I lose out

    Saturday I decided to buy a new combi microwave and by Monday I thought do I need this hassle so Tuesday I returned it

    I don't think I'm ill just a bit stupid and still trying to find my way being s widower for 10 years and 82 years old. 

    Yep too much time on the computer and YouTube 
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