NST July 2023: Jurassic July

apple_muncher

Today I am grateful for going to the gym first thing and seeing some friends there, for getting some important phone calls done, for completing some paperwork, for finding some presents in the ch shops, for the phlox starting to bloom, for my raspberries, for knowing I am loved.

ldee2111

Today was grocery delivery day and sadly I had no Nec points for a discount this week. Still waiting for the AmX credit card Nec bonus which will equate to £100 Saneberries vouchers. 

We went to Costcompany for OH eye test this afternoon. He can no longer boast 20/20 vision like he has done for the past 20 years! OH is now a specky like me. Ordered his new glasses and paid for it out our ‘health & hair’ budget. 

Grateful today for a lie-in, for clearing the washing pile, for OH making his excellent curry, for Mum coming for dinner, for Dad popping in for a visit and playing with DS and for finally having the confidence to take DS out by himself (without his OH). He’s booked cinema tickets for himself and DS next week.  

Thrifty_Taylor

Well done @thriftylass!

Please can I join @Starlight_at_Sea, #18 if it's available would be fab 😃

NSD#1
Had a lie in, as DS1 had the day off, so didn't need wakening. After breakfast, he joined me on a walk to the village. Collected DH's tablets, then headed to the post office to deposit some money, unfortunately their system was down, so will have to go back next week. Got soaked on the return trip home.

After dinner, I put the pizza dough on & weeded an area of the garden. Recorded 'before' videos to send to DH, as he's now got a bowel infection & not allowed to leave his hospital room. The view from his window is of a tiny grey courtyard, so thought he'd still get some green to look at this way!

Made pizzas for tea, washed the dishes, then watched a film & hooked more rug. Made some microwave popcorn that's probably out of date too.

Grateful for time in the garden, exposing the flowers in the border from their weed jungle, lighting my sparkly candle, being cosy & out of the storm blowing outside

grandmanerd

Yesterday was a bit of a slog and I was feeling  very disappointed with myself but spent some time downstairs and  came back and  attacked  the mess that is  my bedroom.  I've reclaimed the bed and had 3/4 of it to  sleep on (the other 1/4 has my drinks, the CPAP machine, the socket bar, reading books, puzzle book, breakfast yoghurt and apples, very important paperwork, books to go back on the bookshelves in the furthest corner and a few random items that were underneath everything else. I slept in 3 -4 hour chunks and woke up feeling much brighter.

Still lots to do - 2 sets of drawers are completely covered but it is all in category 'piles'. All the photos are corralled in 2 boxes, then sewing, some of mum's paperwork (bits I picked out when I was near the bottom of the bed), bits of my paperwork (most is in a small expanding folder, my pills and toiletries stuff, toys and gifts in the corner, large print library books, stationery box (picked all the pens up at least 3 times in the last couple of days, they were taking turns with the pot of loose change), seeds and my books (ones I'm going to read next and ones I've just completed that need to go back to the shelves downstairs). There are 2 piles I can't see but one is definitely cs books and there's a donations bag on the floor.

Bags are on my side of the bed (between the bed and the door). There's a rubbish bag that needs to go out, paper bag, stuffing bag (using the door handle - makes it easier to drop paper in as I come across it), everyday bag (laptop, purse, glasses, phone, more books and lots of bits of paper that are mine - don't want to lose them but was too tired to do anything with them), 2 bags of bags (one brought up to help sort and the other is the reusable recyclables bags which I found roughly in the middle of the bed), bag with baby's birthday present and gift plus extra books (wrap is downstairs), a few coathangers, small rucksack and Goth Bunny.

I had fun yesterday by reading, playing games, doing a little bit of puzzling and watching a film with Antonio Banderas. I more or less forced myself to go to film club on Friday. Was going to, felt guilty about lack of progress so worked on and then decided I needed to go (I've been alone at home too much and the longer I leave it, the harder it is to go out and mix with people). The film was 7 minutes in but I enjoyed it. My 'socialising' was to invite 2 women to share the lift (me and the walker were already in) and chatted a bit as we went down. Even going as far as the library for film club made me creaky and tired yesterday.

I had a phone call from my brother late on Friday afternoon which put me in a bit of a bad move. I've arranged to meet him and my niece on Tuesday to go over things (mum's estate), which is fine (should have met months ago but my coming back from the Blackpool funeral coincided with niece reluctantly going back to work and she and her bf decided to go on holiday whilst she was still off (he works in a pub and lives onsite so ends up covering for staff illness, holidays and shortages). Since then pretty holiday photos and the occasional photo of games nights and evenings out but nothing else.

However after 18 months of doing nothing, he now wants to know about mum's 'pensions' (I think he meant insurance but didn't want to get more tangled in his thought processes) and everything else. He's still putting pressure on me to take over my grandma's house (with tenant of nearly 30 years) and give him more cash. He  has a thrombosis in his leg and may have to go into hospital, so of course he's convinced he's going to die. He insists that sharing the house is 'complicated' and if he took it on he'd have to buy 'landlord insurance'. He also thinks we need to go to a solicitor 'to get something in writing" (when did a solicitor ever make things less complicated).

I've told him, if the house is put into joint names with the Land Registry to reflect the legal position neither of us could sell it without the other. He's now suggesting that we sell the house with the tenant ("and they're not allowed to kick him out or put his rent up" - yeah right). That's 'we'  as in big sister will talk to the tenant, check what sort of protection (tenancy/ rent) he would actually have, get valuations and go through all the business of selling another house (last thing I want or need to do). Anyway he said to take everything to the meeting - so just the 2 suitcases then.

Last night I had a long chat with my cousin who's  mother died in January this year so I've vented and helped her with a few bits of legal wording that had baffled her. Her situation is more complicated - multiple people have keys and access to her mother's house, other people are executors (although they don't want to do any of the work involved) and there's a particularly toxic relative still trying to get his hands on a valuable lamp (in addition to the bequest the will gives him)

Plan for today is to completely clear the bed, spray stuff on to clean the mattress, cover with sheets to keep it damp and maybe haul the winter covers on to the bed for spot cleaning (this is something for me, that I want) and then to tackle the rest of the paperwork and get it in order. Bring the accounts up to date or redo them (they neat versions I drew up when we were supposed to meet, have been around so long they look a bit battered and I have some 'filling in the gaps stuff'. I need to do my tax return (because of the income from the rental house, not because I'll actually pay any tax) and then copy it out so I can tell baby bro what needs to go in his tax return (niece will do it). Plus get together any paperwork I need to sort the bits that are unresolved to do what I can tomorrow (this will be the fourth or fifth time I've sorted out mum's Council Tax rebate).

Grateful for Antonio Banderas, having a laugh with my cousin, having a nearly clear bed.

Toni'sfriend

Yesterday was NSD no 1 unexpectedly. Himself collected my "chubby" pills from the pharmacy and, amazingly for him, didn't buy anything from the shops which we didn't need save two bunches of lilies which were a present for me and which he paid for.

I have always admired how much Grandmanerd achieves despite her complex medical needs but now I am in total awe. A few household jobs yesterday and I was shattered. However, they are done now and won't be needing done today or tomorrow so that's progress. Bedding has been changed and the washing is now all to date as well.

Meal wise we ate fairly healthily. Salad for lunch and a sort of sausage cassoulet type thing for dinner (using up some of Himself's previous random purchases). It turned out rather well and was easy to make in the slow cooker.

Oh and I've made a hair appointment for Wednesday. Badly needing done and it will spur me on to greater things in my quest not to look like a sack of potatoes.

Right. Coffee finished. Time to get out of the PJs and into the clothes and get on with it.

Looking a bit dull now but I hope it's sunny wherever you are. Have a lovely day. xxxx

grandmanerd

Really Toni'sfriend most of it was done on the bed. A quick hobble round and then sitting at whatever point I was at and picking papers and other things up one at a time and adding them to bags and boxes. The real question is how do I let it get into this state in the first place. Okay when my ankle was really bad and the pills increase sent all my side effects into orbit (plus a few new ones) I could barely move and anything that went off the far side of the bed was just 'lost'. I can't even lay across the bed and reach down for things  - I go dizzy and uncomfortable and sometimes I can't turn over or shuffle backwards and have to yell for DS3 to rescue me (I've even got him to retrieve things before on the grounds that him doing it is easier than me trying to do it and needing to be rescued).

Believe me you are much more on top of things but things need to change around here and there are only a few things I can change.

f0xh0les

Oh @grandmanerd I feel your pain about being left to do it all after someone dies.  I have not had one phone call from 'the brother' since he got his  cheque, and maybe 3 phone calls from 'the sister' since she got hers, in over a year!

Can I ask you one question though - what would your kids do if you popped off tomorrow?  Would the lodger still be there in great-great-grandmanerd's house,  or would they give him notice,  sell up asap, convert to cash, and divvy up the inheritance?

I think at your time of life, you need to have fluid assets - if you give your tenant a heads-up, then at least they can start looking around, and you can try and find someone happy to take him on as resident.   But is the rent actually anything like market rate now, or has he had a very very good deal for a very very long time? As long as he is kept in the loop, and it does not come as a massive shock to him, then sadly that is all you can do. You could give him first option to buy it from you I suppose.

Would it also mean that you could give DS3 and Beloved a bit more for a deposit and help move them on in their lives? You know the rule about cash gifts within 7 years  and the taper rate?

I am sure your house will be plenty big enough and completely tidy and ordered, if there was but one of you in it, and you were not permanently doing the binbag rounds and squashing their rubbish for them.   That my tuppence worth - probably not even worth tuppence to be honest.   Don't forget inheritance tax - if the house sale would take you over the half a million combined with the bungalow sale.....

Anyway, my news,

Do something by month-end that will show benefits over the next year.  Just opened an ISA at a better rate than the one I opened (but did not fund) in April. 4.85% and it will pay out just before summer hols next year.  Plan to fund it with weekly tilly-tidies and p/a payments, switching bonuses, and p/b payouts. Told it to keep interest until it matures rather than having it paid monthly.

Do something this week that will show benefits over the next month - going to switch my designated switching bank account again ( third time this year already!) Ll0yds or The Shanghai Bank this time I think.

KxMx

@grandmanerd You could consider paying for professional help to massively declutter your house and skips for anything you don't want or can't rehome within a set timeframe. I'm not suggesting you are a hoarder but there are firms out there who deal with hoarder level clearances, I'm sure nothing they see shocks them and it's just another day at work. 

Then professional cleaners can come in and bring things up to a standard you are happy with. 

Imagine doing that then having a house which is calm, tidy, and as uncluttered as you want it without having had to do the physical labour yourself.
You then have a blank canvas that you can manage to keep on top of yourself. No more cycles of feeling unwell physically then unwell mentally when you are unable to tackle tasks. More time and energy for your hobbies which are so beneficial to a sense of wellbeing. Some of that time and energy could be spent with your granddaughter even at your home. 

PIP is intended as money to help with things you cannot do yourself and I can think of no better way to spend some of it. 

Whether you feel that is viable only when you are living alone, or viable now is of course your judgement call. 

grandmanerd

Thank you for your thoughts

The tax threshold won't be a problem f0xh0les - mum died 2 days after the new £500k limit came in (if it was mainly the property and being passed onto the deceased's children). The tenant is very happy to be staying, but has said from the beginning that if I need to put myself and my family first. I think the rent is slightly under the market rate but he's reliable, has never been any problem and always happy to help with things - when he had a car he would give mum lifts when she needed them (mum treated him more like a son than anything). Compared to the occupants of the 2 rented houses in my street he's an absolute dream - 2 tenants ended their tenancies recently with windows smashed and the house next to me has had nightmare tenants in the past - midnight flits (I had to call the Council out because they'd managed to wedge the large manhole cover in the hole sideways at some point during their 'leaving' party and then I got the drug dealers (perfect strangers were coming up to congratulate me after they left).

At the moment I could afford to buy a bottom end of the market house for DS3 and his Beloved (I have been able to since I received my half of the bungalow money). They would either continue to rent from me or arrange some sort of mortgage (I want to drag them off to a mortgage broker to see what their options are but I'm not prepared to do everything for them. If I give my brother half the money for grandma's house. I'm hoping the record and camera sales (the boys' inheritance from their father) will  give them a sizeable chunk of money for  a deposit (about a 1/3 of the cost) which makes things a lot more doable for them or I think Nation wide BS does something where my savings sort of underwrite/ guarantee their mortgage if they get into difficulties. That gives me more options because I'd have my savings on one side rather than committing them to sorting their home out. 

I don't know when DS2 is back from Australia - he just said they were going for June and hasn't been in touch whilst they've been away. I haven't phoned or messaged him in case they were just back and trying to recover from the flight. Hopefully he can get the sales of the records and cameras going but DS3 hasn't completed the cataloguing yet.

KxMx  we had three cleaners for a whole day in December 2021 (a week before I moved back in). Very expensive, probably worth it (I really couldn't afford it at the time even with DS3 contributing half. The 'hoarder' one worked with Beloved very patiently and she did get rid of a lot. The one who did the kitchen (admittedly the most challenging room) was very inclined towards throwing things out (dishes that were clearly waiting to go in the DW) saying 'Is dirty' and putting everything into bin bags (I grabbed DS3, gave him a box and told him to  put the pots in it and hide them in my room (first and easiest room and then used as a repository for things that were staying and a refuge for Beloved if it all got too much for her). This was mid to alte afternoon and I could barely move by that point - the cleaners apologised every time they needed me to make a decision and I had to drag myself from one room to another.

We ended up with many many bin bags outside and DS3 refused to let me bring anything back in. There is still far too much stuff in too small a house (I'm hoping they take half the furniture and most of the gadgets with them). 

It will get sorted but I'm drawing the line at selling another house. I'm taking the deeds to grandma's house along with the rest of the stuff and I'll just plonk them on the table (foolscap box file, more or less full to the brim) and say right you do it - you deal with estate agents, solicitors. a million questions and I'll just turn up to sign things. Even then it would fall on my niece, baby bro won't be doing anything.

It's also that 'we need to go to a  solicitor and get something in writing'. I know contract law and am perfectly capable of drawing up a simple contract, if needed. I could probably have done the conveyancing myself but I'm so old and knackered I was just glad to hand it all over (whereupon  they just get you to do all the work as f0xh0les has complained). There's also a small sentimental bit of me that doesn't want to let grandma's house 'go'. I lived there for the first year of my life. My mother was born there and lived there until after she had been married for 2 years and then lived there again when she left my father. My grandma had to leave my mother hidden round a corner when she went to pay the rent because they weren't allowed to have children and I have the newspaper clippings from when they clubbed together with their neighbours and bought their houses at auction when the landlady died.

Toni'sfriend

Grandmanerd - Can I ask how old your son and Beloved are. I see very many parallels between my son when he graduated from University and the situation you find yourself in now. It turned out that he was suffering from severe anxiety and depression. It took a good few years till he got himself together. Now he has a really good job, nice flat, lovely girlfriend (not the one he had then whom I now realise had many difficulties of her own), a good car and is extremely happy. Not just materially but in himself. Could it be?