Raising Capital to start again feel trapped

Fast_Muchly

MWT said:

If you have not already done so, contact a local Al-Anon Family Group for support for yourself. You are far from alone in dealing with this situation.

I went to out local one 3 nights ago to find in an english speaking country it was POLISH speaking only .........to say im fuming is an under statement as its only 1.2 mile away . So i have to go a further 20 miles and around 40 mins away should i be needed back urgently for any reason .

What im finding is once down the alcohol route there is precious little of good support that ACTS FAST ENOUGH .If you have money its all fine and dandy you can pop em in the car drop em off at the loacl rehab pay your 10k and carry on living a life , but if you havent its bloody awful . 

shining_this_way

Hey Fast_Muchly. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Living with an alcoholic and getting away from an alcoholic can be so difficult and so so lonely (from experience).

With regard to Al Anon - lots of meetings are online now, so if this is a possibility for you, it's a very convenient way to attend meetings. In case you don't already know, Al Anon doesn't provide practical support/advice - it's really all about spiritual/emotional support. BUT this absolutely does have benefits for the practical stuff because it can help people deal with the anger and resentment, which makes it much easier to think clearly and make good decisions. That was certainly the case for me. I've heard it recommended that anyone struggling with an alcoholic should attend Al Anon for 6 weeks and in that time not make any big life decisions. Al Anon's not for everyone of course and it can take a bit of getting used to (which is why they say to keep going for 6 weeks to give it a chance) but it can be very powerful.

What you said about 'precious little support' - yes, that was my experience too. Frustrating beyond belief. I've heard of people who manage to get mental health teams involved, but that isn't an option in my area, so I'm guessing support varies depending on local area.

Sorry I'm a bit short on financial advice but my sense is you should make a plan for getting complete financial independence back, including divorce, selling house etc, whatever's needed. But that plan could be a 1-, 2-, 5-year plan to gradually get there. Even if your wife would get more in a divorce including part of your pension, say 55% like someone else in the thread said, the certainty of having 45% and being able to move on might be far better for you than continuing with the worry and uncertainty of being financially linked with your wife. It took me 3 years to get financially de-tangled from my partner - the gradual approach suited me. I realise this might not be for you though. 

Hope you find some peace. Will be looking for updates.