Raising Capital to start again feel trapped

Fast_Muchly

Hi 
        Not sure where to put this so please move this post mods if its not relating to here  . 

        Basically lived with an alcoholic wife for far to long and i feel myself going mentally down fast and she refuses help when she can get it and refuses to stop although she did do 4 years sober until recently and has now started again and im 57 , i can see the grim reaper approaching and dont want to spend any more time not enjoying my life and doing what i want to do . 

Just to add we have been together since 1992 , raised a child who is living away thank god and is 23 . Wife had issues with booze for 10 years and then got sober for 4 years and also to her credit worked for the drug rehab team can you believe , but has now started to destroy her life again , whats made me snap is after a dog walk ive come home to find her while under the influence fell over naked bar knickers on the back garden she has clearly hit her head in 2 locations ambulance called and has refused just out of stubborness to go to hospital , for me this is the last straw , i need a life back as at the moment all my life is is watching over her . 

The situation  i have around £130k in pension savings with standard life ( now pheonix ) 
I have a further £31k in prudential 
So all in that gives me around 40k tax free .

We have a house worth around 150k and poss 200k nothing has gone up for sale around here to be more specific on that . We have around only £4000 outstanding on our mortgage .

I am wanting out , i want to take the 2 dogs and move out as soon as possible . im looking at a park home around 75k ish but you cant get a mortgage on these type of homes and they have to be bought outright . Is there any logical way i can do this other than take as much as i need out of my pension and face paying even more in tax  as i will have gone over the threshold . The paramount thing here is i need to move out asap .
But is there anything i can do , as i cant force her out of her own home and god knows what will happen here when im gone as well . Obviously i will then try and force a sale and use the house money for my pension again .

Is there any way i can logically do this just trying to make sure im not missing anything.

Thanks in advance . 

Ryan_Holden

Sorry to hear of your situation, it sounds very tough.

If the most important thing is moving out, then have you considered renting? It would allow you to figure out what you're going to do next.

If you're joint tenants on the mortgage though, you absolutely can force her to sell eventually, especially as your child is an adult now.

Fast_Muchly

Yes we are joint tenants .

I dont like the sound of renting as there sky high and its money down drain you never own it , where is a park home you do own the home but you dont own the ground its on . Once out the plan would be to force her to sell and put the money back in my pension that has been taken out although i know that her pension pot is only around 60k so should we get divorced im looking at losing out alot of money that way .She isnt aware of this but i very much am and im fuming about it as she has had opportunity to save .

ohgoodgrief

I don’t know where you are in the country, but there are park homes close to where I live where you can pay for them monthly. Sorry to hear about your situation, for what it’s worth I think starting up on your own is a good idea.

Scorpio33

The only thing about park homes is that they generally lose value over time, and the park they are on (a) will force you to upgrade when your home is older and (b) generally won't let you stay there for 52 weeks of the year.

A much better approach (if possible) would be to buy a smaller house or flat for less.

MWT

Scorpio33 said:

... and (b) generally won't let you stay there for 52 weeks of the year.

That is not a problem for a properly licenced residential site, but if it is a condition then it is a clear sign that the site is not licenced for residential use...

ACG

I cant really help your situation as a whole and I really do not want to kick you while your down, but I do recall doing a mortgage for someone a while back who lost 55% of his pension when he got divorced despite her being on more money. 

Just something to think about, although I suppose you have the argument that there is £200k which could even things out. 

Best of luck. 

Fast_Muchly

ACG said:

I cant really help your situation as a whole and I really do not want to kick you while your down, but I do recall doing a mortgage for someone a while back who lost 55% of his pension when he got divorced despite her being on more money. 

Just something to think about, although I suppose you have the argument that there is £200k which could even things out. 

Best of luck. 

She has around 60k in pension and has had every opportunity to save but hasnt , it really irks me that there is an injustice like this , it isnt fair at all .

On the house price front i think our house might be worth a good deal more than im thinking , im thinking around 200k to 225k now . I did a bit of a property search and one went up for around 170k near us , doesnt have a brick garage , doesnt have an extension , doesnt have a new roof , doesnt have a new fitted bedrooms . All of which we have had done . Plus the garden is half the size and not showing off but our garden is nice with a massive koi pond . 

Fast_Muchly

Im beginning to think im just trapped here as only way of getting out is selling the house , but that would come with alot of hassle as she is not well ( yes all health drug rehab teams are trying to help ) but you cant do nothing with someone who continues to recover for 5 mins then dives under the waves again . 

Im stuck because i dont have enough free capital to buy somewhere half decent , renting is just to much im on now such a low wage and would need to pay half this mortgage for another 2 years still . To get out and buy something half decent in terms of a park home there are a few around us that are 12 months and 55years plus to live there . I would need around 80k to a 100k and all i can muster is a 40k tax free pension amount . Basically im trapped until she either gets better or the worst happens .

MWT

If you have not already done so, contact a local Al-Anon Family Group for support for yourself. You are far from alone in dealing with this situation.

ACG

Fast_Muchly said:

Im beginning to think im just trapped here as only way of getting out is selling the house , but that would come with alot of hassle as she is not well ( yes all health drug rehab teams are trying to help ) but you cant do nothing with someone who continues to recover for 5 mins then dives under the waves again . 

Im stuck because i dont have enough free capital to buy somewhere half decent , renting is just to much im on now such a low wage and would need to pay half this mortgage for another 2 years still . To get out and buy something half decent in terms of a park home there are a few around us that are 12 months and 55years plus to live there . I would need around 80k to a 100k and all i can muster is a 40k tax free pension amount . Basically im trapped until she either gets better or the worst happens .

Have you spoken to your wife to tell her you want to split up? 
It might push her further under, it might give her a kick up the backside. In any event you may be too far down the line to rescue the marriage. But it might be worth having the conversation and saying you want to split up and start afresh. Im no marriage counsellor in any way shape or form but just having the conversation without casting blame (even if you feel like that) and see if she would be prepared to sell up?