dating sites or apps recommended??

tiger135

i havent looked for a long time but would like to try and meet someone nice online, can anyone recommend any sites. i dont mind paying if it stops fake profiles etc i dont carr about distance either. thanks for any recomendations? 

Exodi

I don't mean to be invasive, but how old are you and what are you looking for?

Different sites/platforms generally appeal to different demographics:

A 20 year old will probably struggle to find someone on eHarmony.
A 60 year old will probably struggle to find someone on Tinder.

Please be aware that dating sites are breeding grounds for scammers, if you're of the 'less tech-savvy' generation, be on high alert and don't send money to people you've never met FOR ANY REASON (honestly, you'd be suprised how common this is).

Please also be aware that the majority of dating sites are primarily focused on looks. Generally if you are not 'very good looking' (and god forbid male), you probably won't have a good time and any insecurities will go into overdrive.

tightauldgit

tiger135 said:

i havent looked for a long time but would like to try and meet someone nice online, can anyone recommend any sites. i dont mind paying if it stops fake profiles etc i dont carr about distance either. thanks for any recomendations? 

I've tried a few dating sites and there are none I would recommend spending any money on. Your mileage may well vary however.

MattMattMattUK

tiger135 said:

i havent looked for a long time but would like to try and meet someone nice online, can anyone recommend any sites. i dont mind paying if it stops fake profiles etc i dont carr about distance either. thanks for any recomendations? 

If you are under 50 and a 7-10/10 then Tinder is great, older than that you will not find many of a suitable age and it is fairly brutal if one is not in the top third of people on there. There is a split of people on there looking for relationships and looking for casual sex, though that depends on demographics. Bumble is good because women have to send the first message, though you will just get some which say "Hi", but it means as a man you are not wasting time with the people on Tinder who just match because they like collecting numbers. I would avoid the likes of eHarmony and Match like the plague, they charge high fees, offer little in return and have few people on them. 

Bradden

 Bumble and Plenty of Fish are worth trying

Exodi

MattMattMattUK said:

tiger135 said:

i havent looked for a long time but would like to try and meet someone nice online, can anyone recommend any sites. i dont mind paying if it stops fake profiles etc i dont carr about distance either. thanks for any recomendations? 

If you are under 50 and a 7-10/10 then Tinder is great, older than that you will not find many of a suitable age and it is fairly brutal if one is not in the top third of people on there. There is a split of people on there looking for relationships and looking for casual sex, though that depends on demographics. Bumble is good because women have to send the first message, though you will just get some which say "Hi", but it means as a man you are not wasting time with the people on Tinder who just match because they like collecting numbers. I would avoid the likes of eHarmony and Match like the plague, they charge high fees, offer little in return and have few people on them. 

I met my wife on Hinge (free advert for you the Hinge team right there - great app!) but agree with everything Matt says. If you are male, unless you are a Calvin Klein model, you will probably not have a good time.

This is because of an unfortunate feedback cycle on Tinder that goes as follows:

• Men outnumber women about 9 to 1.
• This leads to women being afforded the opportunity to be more selective in who they match.
  
• In response to the increased selectivity, men cast a wider net by 'swiping right' on everyone.
  
• This leads to an even greater opportunity to be selective, as there is a high chance whoever they swipe will be a match.

The outcome is woman are able to date significantly upwards (though not necessarily have a long term relationship), while any men who are not extremely good looking will struggle to get any matches. There have been many socio-economic studies on this, some with eye-catching headlines like "95% of tinder matches go to top 10% of men". I'm not necessarily agreeing with this particular figure, but I accept that it's certainly an issue.

(as for a personal anecdotal gripe - if you do manage to beat the odds and out-compete the army of men matching with someone, you can look forward to the regular conversation of:

Exodi: "Heyyyy, you OK? Where you from??"
Match: "canters"
Exodi: "Oh nice, I love Canterbury, good night life. You been single long?"
Match: "no"
Exodi: "Oh fair enough, I've been single about 6 months. So what you do for fun? I've been trying to find someone that likes moulin rogue so I have an excuse to go to the theater in London and watch it haha!"
Match: "lol"
Exodi: "Yeahh, so have you seen the Moulin Rogue?"
Match: "no"
  
Just an example, but expect 90% of conversations to go like that. Not necessarily that the girls are being rude, as I've been told before, it's because they have too many matches sending them messages. It's also as I've realised, because I'm not a 10. There are social experiments on social media where people set up fake accounts of extremely good looking guys, and show the long intricate speedy messages they get from women (so the conversation above with the genders flipped!)

That said, my recently divorced friend absolutely loved tinder. He could not believe that women would just suggest going round their houses for sex, without a date, and no expectation of anything else. I think he enjoyed it while he lasted, certainly told me about some interesting experiences!

I agree eHarmony and Match seem like complete wastes of time (but then I have the luxury of being able to say that being in my 30s). To be honest, I'm not sure there's a quick and easy answer for people 50+.

mr_stripey

Exodi said:

MattMattMattUK said:

tiger135 said:

i havent looked for a long time but would like to try and meet someone nice online, can anyone recommend any sites. i dont mind paying if it stops fake profiles etc i dont carr about distance either. thanks for any recomendations? 

If you are under 50 and a 7-10/10 then Tinder is great, older than that you will not find many of a suitable age and it is fairly brutal if one is not in the top third of people on there. There is a split of people on there looking for relationships and looking for casual sex, though that depends on demographics. Bumble is good because women have to send the first message, though you will just get some which say "Hi", but it means as a man you are not wasting time with the people on Tinder who just match because they like collecting numbers. I would avoid the likes of eHarmony and Match like the plague, they charge high fees, offer little in return and have few people on them. 

I met my wife on Hinge (free advert for you the Hinge team right there - great app!) but agree with everything Matt says. If you are male, unless you are a Calvin Klein model, you will probably not have a good time.

This is because of an unfortunate feedback cycle on Tinder that goes as follows:

• Men outnumber women about 9 to 1.
• This leads to women being afforded the opportunity to be more selective in who they match.
  
• In response to the increased selectivity, men cast a wider net by 'swiping right' on all potential matches.
  
• This leads to an even greater opportunity to be selective, as there is a high chance whoever they swipe will be a match.

The outcome is woman are able to date significantly upwards (though not necessarily have a long term relationship), while any men who are not extremely good looking will struggle to get any matches. There have been many socio-economic studies on this, some with eye-catching headlines like "95% of tinder matches go to top 10% of men". I'm not necessarily agreeing with this particular figure, but I accept that it's certainly an issue.

(as for a personal anecdotal gripe - if you do manage to beat the odds and out-compete the army of men matching with someone, you can look forward to the regular conversation of:

Exodi: "Heyyyy, you OK? Where you from??"
Match: "canters"
Exodi: "Oh nice, I love Canterbury, good night life. You been single long?"
Match: "no"
Exodi: "Oh fair enough, I've been single about 6 months. So what you do for fun? I've been trying to find someone that likes moulin rogue so I have an excuse to go to the theater in London and watch it haha!"
Match: "lol"
Exodi: "Yeahh, so have you seen the Moulin Rogue?"
Match: "no"
  
Just an example, but expect 90% of conversations to go like that. Not necessarily that the girls are being rude, as I've been told before, it's because they have too many matches sending them messages. It's also as I've realised, because I'm not a 10. There are social experiments on social media where people set up fake accounts of extremely good looking guys, and show the long intricate speedy messages they get from women (so the conversation above with the genders flipped!)

That said, my recently divorced friend absolutely loved tinder. He could not believe that women would just suggest going round their houses for sex, without a date, and no expectation of anything else. I think he enjoyed it while he lasted, certainly told me about some interesting experiences!

I agree eHarmony and Match seem like complete wastes of time (but then I have the luxury of being able to say that being in my 30s). To be honest, I'm not sure there's a quick and easy answer for people 50+.

This makes me feel considerably better about my Tinder experience!

D924

Please also be aware that the majority of dating sites are primarily focused on looks. Generally if you are not 'very good looking' (and god forbid male), you probably won't have a good time and any insecurities will go into overdrive.

Adding on to this, don't expect to be able to gym your way out of this, your competition is immense, literally:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-7090209/People-using-Tinder-dating-apps-likely-use-steroids.html

MattMattMattUK

D924 said:

Please also be aware that the majority of dating sites are primarily focused on looks. Generally if you are not 'very good looking' (and god forbid male), you probably won't have a good time and any insecurities will go into overdrive.

Adding on to this, don't expect to be able to gym your way out of this, your competition is immense, literally:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-7090209/People-using-Tinder-dating-apps-likely-use-steroids.html

It depends what you are aiming for. I went on Tinder as a somewhat overweight 34 year old and got nowhere. I went back on there at 36, after a year of exercise, I was not muscular, but I was trim and toned, I got plenty of matches, enough dates, but ultimately lockdown got in the way. I have not been back on yet as I have been concentrating on other things. I would not say one needs to be ripped, able to bench press 200kg or have a six pack, but having a flat stomach, a trim jawline and not carrying excess weight opens up a lot more options. 

tightauldgit

Exodi said:

MattMattMattUK said:

tiger135 said:

i havent looked for a long time but would like to try and meet someone nice online, can anyone recommend any sites. i dont mind paying if it stops fake profiles etc i dont carr about distance either. thanks for any recomendations? 

If you are under 50 and a 7-10/10 then Tinder is great, older than that you will not find many of a suitable age and it is fairly brutal if one is not in the top third of people on there. There is a split of people on there looking for relationships and looking for casual sex, though that depends on demographics. Bumble is good because women have to send the first message, though you will just get some which say "Hi", but it means as a man you are not wasting time with the people on Tinder who just match because they like collecting numbers. I would avoid the likes of eHarmony and Match like the plague, they charge high fees, offer little in return and have few people on them. 

I met my wife on Hinge (free advert for you the Hinge team right there - great app!) but agree with everything Matt says. If you are male, unless you are a Calvin Klein model, you will probably not have a good time.

This is because of an unfortunate feedback cycle on Tinder that goes as follows:

• Men outnumber women about 9 to 1.
• This leads to women being afforded the opportunity to be more selective in who they match.
  
• In response to the increased selectivity, men cast a wider net by 'swiping right' on everyone.
  
• This leads to an even greater opportunity to be selective, as there is a high chance whoever they swipe will be a match.

The outcome is woman are able to date significantly upwards (though not necessarily have a long term relationship), while any men who are not extremely good looking will struggle to get any matches. There have been many socio-economic studies on this, some with eye-catching headlines like "95% of tinder matches go to top 10% of men". I'm not necessarily agreeing with this particular figure, but I accept that it's certainly an issue.

(as for a personal anecdotal gripe - if you do manage to beat the odds and out-compete the army of men matching with someone, you can look forward to the regular conversation of:

Exodi: "Heyyyy, you OK? Where you from??"
Match: "canters"
Exodi: "Oh nice, I love Canterbury, good night life. You been single long?"
Match: "no"
Exodi: "Oh fair enough, I've been single about 6 months. So what you do for fun? I've been trying to find someone that likes moulin rogue so I have an excuse to go to the theater in London and watch it haha!"
Match: "lol"
Exodi: "Yeahh, so have you seen the Moulin Rogue?"
Match: "no"
  
Just an example, but expect 90% of conversations to go like that. Not necessarily that the girls are being rude, as I've been told before, it's because they have too many matches sending them messages. It's also as I've realised, because I'm not a 10. There are social experiments on social media where people set up fake accounts of extremely good looking guys, and show the long intricate speedy messages they get from women (so the conversation above with the genders flipped!)

That said, my recently divorced friend absolutely loved tinder. He could not believe that women would just suggest going round their houses for sex, without a date, and no expectation of anything else. I think he enjoyed it while he lasted, certainly told me about some interesting experiences!

I agree eHarmony and Match seem like complete wastes of time (but then I have the luxury of being able to say that being in my 30s). To be honest, I'm not sure there's a quick and easy answer for people 50+.

Yeah this is a pretty good summary without slipping into the red pill nonsense. 

With Tinder you just get algorithmed so if you're pretty attractive you will get matches and if you aren't you won't. And then it spirals. But it also depends where you are. I'm in the countryside so there's fewer people near me and the pool is exhausted fairly quickly. By comparison if I change my location to somewhere like Nairobi I'll be inundated with matches in minutes. 

I find there's a lot of fake/professional profiles too. I mean they're not hard to spot but if you aren't attuned to it you might think you're getting interest but in reality it's just nonsense.  

The one word answer routine is usually what does for me in the end. Or the ignore you for three days and then answer 'Hey'

Exodi

tightauldgit said:
Yeah this is a pretty good summary without slipping into the red pill nonsense. 

Yeah, I think it's important to be realistic.

It's easy to feel jealous of (and subsequently criticise) the power women are given on dating apps, however I do feel men don't help themselves.

Matt's point says it best:

MattMattMattUK said:
I went on Tinder as a somewhat overweight 34 year old and got nowhere. I went back on there at 36, after a year of exercise, I was not muscular, but I was trim and toned, I got plenty of matches, enough dates

I don't think anyone is disputing that having a 6 pack and 20 inch biceps increases the number of matches, but if a guy (in general, not Matt) is unwilling to take good pictures with a haircut, decent clothes and/or look relatively healthy, they won't even get out the starting blocks. It's just as much a problem of 'tinder socio-economics' as it is 'male expectations' as you can expect many men would not swipe right on their female equivalent.

One sympathy I do have, is that it's generally socially acceptable for women to take a lot of selfies, whereas I feel this is less the case for men. I distinctly remember when I became single a few years ago, realising that I didn't have a single recent good picture on my own - and cropping a picture in half to hide your ex's face isn't the best.