Searching for a Debt Free Happy ever after

Winkflower

Grumpelstiltskin said:

Nothing will happen if you miss Stepchange  payments as long as you let them know you are having to reassess your finances as you just can't afford what you are paying.

It's just a pity you didn't come on here before you started with Stepchange as you would have been advised to stop paying all your debts to enable you to build up an emergency fund, could could have easily gone months without paying and hopefully would have had defaults then you could have decided to start paying.

I know, huge regret about that now wre are a year in. Naively thought sort8ng it as fast as possible and not default8ng was the thing to do. I wiish we'd built up an emergency fund.

Thanks for reading and your thoughts.

W x

NeverendingDMP

Maybe have a month a two off from stepchange pay your friend back and have a look at your soa.
Stepchange prefer you not to show favour to one particular debt. But some.of your debts are small and you could get rid of a couple.of the little ones for an easy win.
I was with stepchange and then self managed. Only do this when you are ready-youtr choice. Stepchange is nice and simple, every six months or so review the budget then they deal with the rest. Your debts are spread across a few people (not a judgement just an observation) and you might not feel confident with contacting so many or you might prefer to have the control. Good luck with it all and well done so far 

MrRichTea

I just wanted to add I think your doing amazing Winkflower, you've realised that things need to change & you're making all the positive steps to become debt free, alot of us have & are going through the same as you (inc.me!) on this forum, you're not alone, please don't let your mental health suffer with worry, when you can't do anymore then your already doing.

Have to agree with all the other comments that a IVA is a very bad idea, DMP (self-managed or via stepchange) is def.a much better option for you.....just re-tweak your budget, let it be & keep finding things to make you happy / lift your mood, as at end of day, family & health are more important, 7k off your debt in a year, is something to be very proud of, stay strong & don't be afraid to take advice from others who have been in much worse situations & come out the other side, better for it.

Winkflower

MrRichTea said:

I just wanted to add I think your doing amazing Winkflower, you've realised that things need to change & you're making all the positive steps to become debt free, alot of us have & are going through the same as you (inc.me!) on this forum, you're not alone, please don't let your mental health suffer with worry, when you can't do anymore then your already doing.

Have to agree with all the other comments that a IVA is a very bad idea, DMP (self-managed or via stepchange) is def.a much better option for you.....just re-tweak your budget, let it be & keep finding things to make you happy / lift your mood, as at end of day, family & health are more important, 7k off your debt in a year, is something to be very proud of, stay strong & don't be afraid to take advice from others who have been in much worse situations & come out the other side, better for it.

Am sat here online scrolling through the money making pages on here and really appreciate your comment.

It means a lot. It feels good to have a source of good advice on here from other people who have been or are in the same boat. Thankyou so much and good luck on your journey too,

We've got this

Wx

Winkflower

Morning!

I got the best sleep  i've had in weeks last night, DH on night so that was even more surprising but feeling so much better and less angsty today.

I was a very tired anxious Mum yesterday feeling really overwhelmed but starting this diary after lots of lurking lately has really helped.

Thanks so much for the comment, support and advice, love this forum.

DH is asleep so haven't had chance to talk to him about ruling out an IVA today but am going to, and with all the helpful advice above.

DS1 just announced he needs more maths equipment for his mocks this week, he also needs £20 for a school trip, DS2 needs £21 spent for a school trip and £30 for a school leavers hoody which all feels stressful but am happy to have a goal of changing our budget with stepchange, maybe a month or 2 break to pay back a loan and am plugging with prolific.

Also thinking about batch cooking for DH's work meals as this is an area where we spend when he is on nights.

Feeling happy that i have set up a DD for a payment plan with a heating company today while the tank is still half full.

I had a payment plan, then couldnt afford to pay it, then had to borrow money and got a nasty shock when was £520 we didnt have when the prices were highest and have only just paid that back.

£50 a month is in the DMP budget but even still its just got swallowed up with everything else and not been allocated.

So that's in place and going to keep it going.

Off to meet a friend and her daughter, am going to pack a nice picnic lunch so not tempted to buy from the café.

Feeling so much more positive, amazing what a good sleep does.

I'm going to keep self managing the DMP in mind but with so many companies (18) I think it might be a bit too much to juggle properly at the moment.

Thinking of wating until at least 5 have been knocked off of the bottom: this thread has given me the confidence to respect as a useful tool, but not see stepchange as in charge.

I just need to draw my sword really in a lot of ways.

Going to think about and set some short and long term goals to get into a better place financially.

Bank holiday best wishes to all.

Wx 

Grumpelstiltskin

Pleased you are feeling better today and enjoy your trip out.

Have you explained to the children that money is tight and that you are doing your best but they must be prepared to accept they can't have everything they want.

I guess you have looked at this board Old style MoneySaving — MoneySavingExpert Forum all sorts of ideas on there.

If your husband is still wavering about an IVA get him to read some of the threads on here from people who fell for the ads. when an IVA was not appropriate.

IVA & DRO — MoneySavingExpert Forum

madaboutspots

Hello Winkflower.

Great work so far on being here, opening up about your financial worries and for the enormous achievement of paying off £7k in a year! Well done to you and hubby for for staying joined up on all of this too. Not an easy thing to do when you’re both so stressed and overwhelmed. I don’t count a small difference of opinion on DMP/IVA as not joined up - I think that’s much more about not knowing what to do and a lack of understanding. Stick with this forum and you’ll learn so much to help you.

Having just started reading your thread from the top it’s clear just talking this through and getting reassurance is a huge help to you and in just a few days you’ve had a good sleep. Huge improvement and will enable you to keep up the momentum. You may well benefit from a diary on here? 

So hopefully now you are clear (and hubby will be soon too) that an IVA is really not your best option. From what you’re facing and your comments so far it would seem a self managed DMP might be a step too far just now. As you say, having to contact all those companies might just increase your stress just as you’re getting it down a bit? I would agree that perhaps let SC continue to help - at least until you feel a bit stronger? Giving yourself that mental break for a while would seem hugely beneficial for the immediate future. 

A month or so’s break from the constant worry and stretching things to try to muddle through wouldn’t seem to be a bad idea and perhaps getting a couple of the smaller debts struck off the list in that time would be a good mental boost?

One of the stand outs for me seems to be that you try so very hard to put money aside for various things to try and keep on track (eg: heating oil top up) but things go awry. This suggests to me that likely you’re stretching things too far, something pops up, the allocated funds are pinched to make ends meet and round you go on the loop again. Stopping this by actually budgeting for every last tiny detail should help that spiral. I would work on your SOA for several reasons… the helpful contributors here would be able to steer you in the right direction where you might perhaps be being too generous in some areas and not realistic in others?
Also once done fully, scrutinised and amended would be a good way of keeping you all accountable for regular spends and include a little for discretionary spends - school trips etc or your mental health will decline again.

I don’t know the SC/DMP rules/guidelines but £20/month a for a family of 5 is it? Doesn’t seem much! I wonder if anyone can advise - is it more realistic to budget a certain amount per head each month for emergencies? I don’t mean a leaver’s sweatshirt as an emergency and oh well here’s your allocated £10/£20 to get it - more that 5 people’s washing puts more strain on a machine than 1 person living alone - meaning it’s more likely to die quicker. I realise in time you will be able to budget for this as an expected expense but for now does it not maybe make sense? As I say - I don’t know the rules on this but it does seem to me that at £20/month for emergencies … a family of 5 is likely to find the emergency pot constantly empty! 

Have a great day. Don’t be fearful of starting that allotment - many staples are super easy to grow - potatoes, onions etc. A bit of internet education and you’ll be surprised and delighted how much you can do with ease. A good distraction, time outside with all the benefits it brings and a little money saving too 👍 dig some holes to help get you out of a hole (too cheesy? sorry!). Some soil, time, a spade/trowel and just a bag of seed potatoes/onion bulbs and you’re up and running - growing your own. 👏🥳

Take care 
Spots x

lillypoo

Step changes on line tool advised me as a single person that I could save 25 a month. 

Subscribing to your diary.

Sending hugs too

kimwp

Hiya! I've just read from the start and I'm glad you are feeling a bit better about it all. I think you are doing all the right things, but with too tight a budget. Your budget should mean that there aren't any frivolous spends, but it shouldn't mean that you are struggling to eat properly.

A note on growing your own food - it can be a lot of effort, do some research about when in the year to start planting and when the crop will be; choose foods that you like to eat, are easy to grow and that you are likely to get a good yield from. It's quite easy to spend more money growing your own food than it would cost from the supermarket. 
Things to consider-
- once it gets cold, tomatoes no longer ripen (outside at least), so here (in Nottingham), I have to start seeds by the spring half term to get a good harvest.
- slugs and caterpillars can annihilate harvests, so consider effort and cost in protecting from them. Carrotfly can be a pain, but you can avoid it by growing your carrots 2ft (I think) above the surrounding ground
- if you will be away when food is likely to ripen, then you might lose out on the harvest.
-compost, plant food, protective netting etc can cost quite a bit
Having said that, growing your own food is super fun and it's really exciting to see little sprouts appearing and be eating food you've grown. There are loads of gardeners online (and in the forum on here) who share their tips on saving money and feeding the family by growing food.

stymied

Looking forward to your SOA - I think folk may be recommending increases rather than decreases in some categories for once! It does just sound like you’ve made your budget a bit too tight. You’re doing great!