Not sure what to do and struggling a lot.

enthusiasticsaver

Maybe start with things you can do something about if you feel that the car is something which has to remain for now.  That means less takeaways whether it is doing something quick and minimising time spent in kitchen or doing something at work instead if you have a kitchen there. Can you keep some cereal and a bowl and spoon in your room so all you need to do is get the milk from the fridge and avoid seeing your mum? 

 It sounds like an awful living situation so the sooner you are out of there the better.  That unfortunately means in the short term saving as much as possible for a rental deposit and first months rent and getting a better grip on your spending.  Try telling yourself the more money you waste on takeaways the longer it will take you to get out and live on your own.

It sounds like your mum has some MH issues of her own.  Is she seeing a doctor? Her behaviour does not sound "normal". 

Studentcase

enthusiasticsaver said:

Maybe start with things you can do something about if you feel that the car is something which has to remain for now.  That means less takeaways whether it is doing something quick and minimising time spent in kitchen or doing something at work instead if you have a kitchen there. Can you keep some cereal and a bowl and spoon in your room so all you need to do is get the milk from the fridge and avoid seeing your mum? 

 It sounds like an awful living situation so the sooner you are out of there the better.  That unfortunately means in the short term saving as much as possible for a rental deposit and first months rent and getting a better grip on your spending.  Try telling yourself the more money you waste on takeaways the longer it will take you to get out and live on your own.

It sounds like your mum has some MH issues of her own.  Is she seeing a doctor? Her behaviour does not sound "normal". 

She does have some MH of her own but she would never acknowledge she does, and she wouldn't listen to me if I said she did because in her eyes what do I know? Any suggestions are quickly refuted and I get called a "nutter" or something. Also, any complaints are met with "!!!!!! out of my house then" or "This is my house". I just try to stay out of the way as I can't be bothered with it anymore.

Yeah, I need to get out of here for sure, I should have never come back but it's so easy to get too comfortable in a living situation and that's what I've done so far. Now I've trapped myself but I guess there's a valuable lesson to be learned in keeping enough money aside so that I'm free to leave in any situation.

It's really hard to stay motivated and not feel deflated from it all. When I realize how long it will take about, 6 month+ probably of getting rid of the debts and then save what I need to move into a place of my own, that's where I struggle, and that's where I turn to spending and takeaways to stress relief. Plus the fact I live in the south of England where rent prices are extortionate.

Studentcase

Also, I'm thinking of possibly getting a weekend job or evening work alongside my day job. I dunno if that will make me much better off though when the increase in taxes is paid for the extra earnings and what not?

RAS

Yes, you pay tax and NI on your additional earnings and you'd need to be even more disciplined about organising your food. Otherwise, you'd spend your extra earnings on extra takeaways. But it could boost your escape fund if you put the income into a separate account.

Re the situation at home, can you find one of those tiny drinks fridges on fleebay or freecycle for your room. Enough for a pot of overnight oats, a carton of milk and some mayonnaise? And find a kettle? Line a little wastebin with a bag. Use a sealed drink bottle/thermos.

Set up a tray, make up your overnight oats, and a lunchtime filled roll. Get some cuppa soups that you keep at work. Just wipe any crumbs into the waste bin and empty frequently.

Rolls cost more but you'd use them up quicker than a wasted loaf. Buy Little Gem lettuce and remove from the plastic. They keep a week/10 days in summer as long as they aren't in full sunlight/or a baking hot room.

MsPennyMinder

Hi

Just  jumping in to say, don't give up. You can do this. Yes, you are in a hard situation and from personal experience, don't kick yourself for being where you are. Just take a deep breath and tell yourself your dealing with it now. You'll get out.

Along side eating in your room, try looking up other ways to de-stress. We all need to decompress after work and while a nice meal is one, it's not the only way. Try going for short walk, or a long bath, or something creative that's easy to pick up and put down. Doesn't have to cost much and it will improve your mind without the negative aftermath of a high grocery bill. I do crochet, only costs a hook and a ball of yarn and I can make and unravel as I want because its only about clearing my head. 

Simply meal planning like overnight oats etc will help too.

Good luck 🤞 👍

DrEskimo

Studentcase said:

DrEskimo said:

Studentcase said:

Hey guys, thanks for the lovely replies and excellent advice I have gotten from you all. I do agree that the car is the big elephant in the room and really needs to go. The trouble is there's a shortfall that I would need to cover as any offers to buy the car will come in at less than the settlement quote by about £2000. I have absolutely no way of covering this and no way to finance it which means I am stuck effectively.

I don't typically advise this, but what if you simply look to P/X the car for a much cheaper car (say £5k max), and then roll the negative equity into the finance deal as part of the new finance agreement.

Even without a much better rate, it will dramatically reduce your debt and monthly outlay, and you can start to use that surplus to pay down your debts and start shifting it to lower interest as 0% deals and so forth become available to you.

How could I go about this? Would that mean a new agreement with the company that I financed the car with?

No, the finance would be settled in full with the sale of your current car (as the finance is tied specifically to the car), and then the shortfall and new car would be refinanced.

This would be sorted by the dealer/garage. For example, you P/X your car for £10k for a £3k car. The £2k shortfall and £3k cost of the replacement car would be covered by a new £5k finance agreement.

enthusiasticsaver

You have a lot of challenges and yes the most difficult is the price of rent in your area. What about shared houses? It might not be ideal if you have mental health issues but to be honest almost any flat mate sounds better than your mum. The my house, my rules must leave you feeling very vulnerable and as if you have no control on anything. 

There have been lots of suggestions on how to cater for yourself without spending a fortune. If you don’t want to become trapped I would literally be saving every penny and getting second jobs to get out as quick as possible. Yes of course you have to pay tax and NI on extra income but you will still have more money coming in. Just make sure you allow yourself some chill out time either in your room or going to the gym/walking etc. 

The overdrafts should be your priority. 

EssexHebridean

In the grand scheme of things, 6 months is nothing when you compare that timescale with your longer term future, is it.  I'd say be cautious about the second job idea currently while your mental health is still as fragile as it is - I suspect at the moment your focus needs to be on taking care of yourself rather than potentially making yourself more stressed. It certainly could have advantages in meaning you spend less time in the house though? 

sammyjammy

Apologies for my laziness but  I can't remember if the car is needed because you don't live near work or not, if it is then save everything you can for a deposit and get a house share near work, then you can deal with the car and concentrate on yourself x