Separation with children - unmarried

elsien

Are you agreed on how much equity there is in the property, and how much she is buying you out for? Because that step one. She needs to know how much she is borrowing in order to buy you out.

RAS

She also needs to recognise that the longer the OP remains on the mortgage, the more she will have to pay to buy him out, regardless of who has paid the mortgage mean-time.

DE_612183

are the children yours?

lesae

DE_612183 said:

are the children yours?

Yes both mine 

lesae

sammyjammy said:

Are you still living in the house?  If not I would suggest moving back in, that might speed up the process.  Have you had a formal valuation?  Might make things easier.

Yes still living there as I refuse to move until sorted. Also had it valued but she is the huge sticking point now and her lack of will to sort anything out.

lesae

elsien said:

Are you agreed on how much equity there is in the property, and how much she is buying you out for? Because that step one. She needs to know how much she is borrowing in order to buy you out.

Yes she knows that but is just doing nothing about next steps. 

molenpad

Having been in this situation before, albeit as a married man, I can tell you that when a mortgage and children are involved, it's not easy.

You're still living together, so I'm afraid it's going to be up to you guys to work out what to do. In my case I moved out into rented, because I had no other choice - it was either that or have a cup of tea every morning with her new fella (who stayed over just enough times a week for it not to be classed as living there) -  but I agreed I would stop paying towards the mortgage and upkeep of the property in lieu of paying fair CMS and agreed the days the kids were going to be with me and would be at home. Whatever you do, put them first initially. It's hard, but they need to know that they're more important that mortgages and money - keep them well out of it.

My ex didn't want to budge at first and was happy to string me along knowing that in a rented property and co-named on a large mortgage I was stuck in renting a tiny terrace 10 miles away, but eventually, after getting solicitors involved and going through a painful but fruitful mediation process, I agreed to co-sign a 2 year fixed rate on the mortage and relinquish all equity just to get my name off it after those two years. That all happened as planned. I've suffered financially and got kicked off the property ladder for a number of years. But the children didn't see any of that and I'm back on my feet now with a new wife, new life and about to purchase a new property. I have a great relationship with my kids from my previous marriage and my 13 year old son often tells me how well I've done for myself and that really hits me hard.

Point is, you need to work it out together, put the children first - you don't want them to be homeless if you can help it, and if possible get a solicitor and go down the family mediation route. It should end with an outcome you are both happy with.