Worried for the future what would you do?

mylifemyrules

Hi, 
Although this is way off into the future my husband spoke to me last night about our eldest child who has ASD and learning difficulties. My husband also has learning difficulties and was taken advantage of as a teen. We are concerned about how to keep him safe in a digital world. My husband is keen to not allow any phones till 14 and possibly no smart phones till 16, we already have parental controls on ofcourse and will talk to all our children about internet safety but with our eldest the understanding isn't there so he is very vulnerable, I'm not sure what the right approach is, what have been your experiences please? What about having NT children do we restrict them in the same way? 

elsien

You can’t keep children/teenagers wrapped up in cotton wool. They learn by making mistakes. If they don’t have the opportunity to get things wrong it impedes their ability to weigh up the risks in future.
You mentioned a learning difficulty. That’s different to a learning disability as I’m sure you are perfectly well aware. So, come 18 if he’s working/doesn’t need an appointee for any benefits,  he’ll be in full control of his own finances. That’s far too late to learn to keep himself safe financially/online. 

Keeping safe is about education. Not about restricting access entirely. So start looking at age-appropriate resources for special needs kids and see how those go on. In school should be doing the same. So just as an example
https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/information-about-autism/health-and-wellbeing/support-for-education/online-safety

london21

You can guide and advice them and have controls in place but eventually they will interact with the outside world and face peer pressure.

Can only try your best and leave the rest.

My nephews and nieces are younger and one of my nephews already talking about phones at 8 years old. His dad is a mental health nurse and he is very aware of the problems with children having mobile phones etc. You can only delay it for so long ecernaylly they will have phones so educating them of the dangers of social media etc  is so important. 

TBagpuss

I'd say that you ought not to impose restrictions on the other children based on their sibling's specific needs, it's unfair and likely to lead to resentment (especially as, if he has additional needs, he will probably get a disproportionately high amount of your time and attention in any event - you can't help that, but you can try to make sure that you also treat the other children as individuals and think about their needs as well as his)

In terms of your son, I would suggest that you plan how to give him the tools to protect himself. Discuss it with any professionals who are involved with his care and education, I suspect that methods and understanding have come on a lot since your husband was a teenager, so there may well be a lot more in the way of help and advice now.

IT may be that you need to think about setting some pretty rigid rules/ guidelines for your son - a lot of people with ASD find it easier to navigate if they have fairly clear and specific rules, this might start with fairly simple ones (e.g. not to give money to anyone without checking in with you first, and explaining that that includes lending money or paying for something for someone else) and gradually work from there. 

Basic fincial management is something that ideally you would be talking to all of the children about, it can start with things like regular pocket money had having to save up for things they want, maybe moving on to having a monthly allowance for clothing, hobbies etc . As they get older, talking to them about working an, basic expectations and rights etc .

You can't protect them completely but you can try to reduce the risk of them being taken advantage of. It may be that for your eldest, this includes you monitoring activity on his phone and bank more closely and talking to him about any concerning issues as they arise. 

depending n how significant his issues are and ho much support he needs, as he gets older there are steps that can be taken , I think it's possible to add a flag to do extra checks when applying for credit or to have notes on someone's bank account about any vulnerabilities but I think that depends a lot n the bank and on the specific nature of someone's disability and who is requesting those measures 

mattpobrien4

Limiting access to technology, particularly smartphones, can be an effective way to reduce exposure to potential dangers. Setting age limits and implementing parental controls can also help manage access to technology and provide some level of protection. However, it's also important to remember that technology is a significant part of modern life, and it can be difficult to keep children completely isolated from it. As your child grows older, they may also face pressure from peers to use technology, which can make it challenging to maintain strict rules around access.

mylifemyrules

Thank you for your thoughts. Yes I think we certainly will be treating all our children differently depending on there own needs. 

Mojisola

mattpobrien4 said:

Limiting access to technology, particularly smartphones, can be an effective way to reduce exposure to potential dangers. Setting age limits and implementing parental controls can also help manage access to technology and provide some level of protection.

In reality, most of their friends will have smartphones and, if your child isn't allowed one, they will see what their friends are using them for and will probably be able to share them on occasion.

You won't have any idea what they are watching and, if they see anything that troubles them, it will be difficult to talk it over with you as they know you don't want them using phones.

This technology is here; it's a massive part of most young people's lives and they need to learn how to use it, how to spot unpleasant/dangerous people and scams and know that they can be open with their parents about what they and their friends are encountering.