DS Sensitivity to clothing

TwoUpTwoDown

Hi everyone

Just on here writing to see if anyone has had any experience with children with sensory clothing issues or an SPD?
Our son of 4.5 years old struggles to get dressed everyday with complaints about seams on socks, clothing being too near his neckline, trousers being too loose or too tight in various different places. We've tried to find the most seamless socks we can and re-assure him that clothing is no-where near his neck by using a mirror. Trousers can just be hit or miss - some days it's fine, other days not. He's recently decided he doesn't like tops with hoods.

We try to encourage him to talk about how he is feeling and what would help as well offer him support, but there are times when he needs to get ready for school or to go out that it becomes frustrating as well - we do try to remain calm i should add.

Having done some reading I can see that it is good to talk about things, take time getting dressed (where possible) and reassure but I'm also after any practical ways to help him cope with these sensory upsets. I can't for one second claim to know how the feeling affects him as I don't suffer from it myself and want to remain mindful of this. 

For reference, he has a younger sister who has no issue with clothes whatsoever so we try to reflect on the difference which has helped us to identify that there may be an issue.
Other than the clothing, he's a fairly typical boy albeit a bit sensitive. There are no learning difficulties or other neurological concerns at the moment.

Thanks for reading

honeypop

My daughter is 5 and has very specific clothing requests, and to make mornings smoother we've adapted over time so that she only has clothes she's happy to wear. Less stress all round. I suspect she has SPD but we're learning more as we go. 

Being sensitive to how clothes feel (even as an adult) isn't nice at all, along with being forced to wear something, or being told it's fine when you clearly don't feel it, so we wanted to try our best to help her feel comfortable. We all have things we like to wear or not, for various reasons, and it's just heightened for them. 

I see what you mean about talking about it and reassuring, but that really made no difference for us in terms of helping her feel better wearing something she really doesn't want to. The answer for us, was to change the clothes. Also no point in showing in a mirror that the neckline isn't too high, if they feel it is, then it is. 

There is a bit of trial and error in finding what works best, but by buying second hand, or trying on something and having to return it if it's not right, it keeps the costs down. Have you tried his socks inside out? Many people wear them like that to avoid the seams. 

For us, she doesn't want:
- anything with buttons or poppers,
- metal bits (zips can be plastic),
- anything too close to her neck - think this is very common,
- loose trousers (she only wears leggings as they don't move around on her legs, and also wears these under other trousers or dresses so she doesn't feel those on her skin),
- anything that can ride up round her waist (so we avoid skirts),
- no saggy socks (we found trainer socks less likely to shuffle down her foot),
- coats can't have any buttons anywhere... the list grows every now and then as she discovers something else that bothers her (your son didn't just 'decide' he doesn't like hoods by the way, that's not how it works). 

We just seek out the things that will work, and stick with those. Some might say (especially elder relatives...) that we're 'pandering' to her, but to be honest, who wants to be stressed out getting dressed every morning, and feel uncomfortable all day? Who wants to be stressed out each morning when a child won't wear something they don't want to? No thank you! Easier all round to let her wear what she's happy in, and find suitable alternatives. 

Sea_Shell

Are the kids in school yet?

How does that work, especially if they have a set uniform, even in first school.

Is it something you can get some leeway on?

Brie

Sea_Shell said:

Are the kids in school yet?

How does that work, especially if they have a set uniform, even in first school.

Is it something you can get some leeway on?

No idea what schools do but I worked in a company that requires men to wear shirts with ties (very sexist as women can wear tshirts, blouses without ties etc).  But some chaps have been allowed to not wear ties and even some don't have to wear standard "dress" shirts but can wear poloshirts.  It's all agreed with HR as being diversity aware.

Savvy_Sue

Sea_Shell said:

Are the kids in school yet?

How does that work, especially if they have a set uniform, even in first school.

Is it something you can get some leeway on?

DS1 was not too bad, but didn't 'do' buttons or collars. Until he started school, it was just easier to let him wear what he found acceptable, ie t-shirts, jog bottoms and sweatshirts, colour co-ordinated down to his pants and socks!

We didn't know at the time that he's an Aspie, fortunately for us a rule follower.

"These are your school trousers." OK, he gets it, this is what we wear to school, and as long as they have some elastic and he never has to touch the button or zip he can cope, and that got us through infant school, because they had t-shirts and sweat shirts.

Junior school: "These are your school shirts, and your tie." Hmm, a bit more of a challenge, but if your shirts have growing room, you don't have to touch the buttons, and the tie only needs to be sorted on Mondays. Obviously you cannot do the top button up, ever, or it WILL strangle you.

Then we added a blazer, which was fine because it had useful pockets, and again, he never touched the buttons. 

He still only wears shirts when I insist (weddings and funerals). He does wear jeans now, which I continue to be surprised by after so many years of jog bottoms.

Obviously not all children will be able to overcome their sensory issues just because "them's the rules", and I have no idea what I'd have done if he hadn't been able to cope with school trousers, shirts and ties. You'd hope that schools would offer work arounds, eg a child with eczema might not be able to tolerate standard school uniform.

TBagpuss

It's quite common - a lot of people with autism have this kind of sensitivity but it's also something which neurotypical people can feel. I mention it as you might find it useful to look for guidance or suggestions on websites geared to parents of autistic kids.

Practical suggestions - see whether he can articulate why he dislikes certain things -  i.re is it weight, texture, softness, having things too tight / loose / flapping around.

You might find that buying things that are lined, or adding a lining, could help, especially if it is the feel of fabric against his skin that bugs him, it might be possible to add a lining in a more acceptable fabric (if you can't sew, Wunderweb, (like double-sided sticky tape for fabric, can be a lifesaver)

Things like how much / whether you are using fabric softeners might be relevant to how things feel for him (also, given his age , is there any possibility that it could be the scent of the laundry products he has issues with, and that that's *why* (or partly why) there is an issue? I have various allergies and sensitivities and they are triggered by a lot of products -worst case I come up in a visible rash but sometimes I feel discomfort but there's nothing visible to the naked eye, and of course it's worst if something is tight fitting so collars and waistbands, or hoods where the fabric is near your face are the worst - so trying non-bio, scent free products to dsee if that helps at all may be worth a try. 

elsien

I’m totally with him on the neck thing. I’m neurotypical and I can’t stand anything above a low neck. Showing me it in the mirror wouldn’t make it any less itchy or annoying.
If you know what works for him, could you not get stuff ready the night before that you know he’s not going to struggle with. I second is looking at the autism websites because even if he’s not on the spectrum they will know which are the more seam free brands, for example.
For what it’s worth,  labels can be an issue for some people as well, if they are causing sensivity on the back of the neck so removing those can help. 

TwoUpTwoDown

Thanks so much to everyone for responding - some good ideas there and some important reflections as well.

Noted on the mirror thing - I'll consign that idea to the bin! I'm not a fan of round the neck particularly either.

We went out yesterday to the shops to find him some new clothes and shoes but gave him plenty of advance warning and also reassured him that we wanted him to be active in the choosing and trying on. It's early days if he will continue to like the clothes and shoes that we bought but each were tested, tried on and confirmed by him as feeling good. 
I like the idea of looking at autism websites for socks as the ones we looked at in the shops had heavy seams that we know he wouldn't tolerate. 

Did anyone find any benefit in talking to a child psychologist or similar? If so, did you find much success with NHS referral or was it a private job?

My partner and I don't want to look back 15 years from now and wish we had done more at the time to support him but at the same time we don't want to 'over-diagnose' and create issues where perhaps they may not exist. It's a really difficult line to walk as a parent I'm coming to realise!

I don't think DS shows signs of Autism or Aspergers particularly when comparing to suggested traits online but who am I to judge? I think we'd rather have an initial conversation to be on the safe side. 

DullGreyGuy

Brie said:

Sea_Shell said:

Are the kids in school yet?

How does that work, especially if they have a set uniform, even in first school.

Is it something you can get some leeway on?

No idea what schools do but I worked in a company that requires men to wear shirts with ties (very sexist as women can wear tshirts, blouses without ties etc).  But some chaps have been allowed to not wear ties and even some don't have to wear standard "dress" shirts but can wear poloshirts.  It's all agreed with HR as being diversity aware.

Then presumably anyone can wear t-shirts if they are diversity aware? Having to be labeled as non-binary to be allowed to wear something outside of the male dress code isnt at all diversity aware. 

oystercatcher

I thought I had 'invented' the idea of wearing socks inside out to avoid annoying seams . So, it's interesting to hear it mentioned above !

Another though I had is wearing an inside out T shirt/vest underneath a top with annoying seams. Not so nice in hot weather though.

I still have vivid memories of being forced to wear itchy jumpers as a child, it was very distracting at school. 

mvk0016

I don't have any experience with SPD, but would toe socks work? I mean like these: https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/124616262198?
I also find seams really annoying, and since I started using toe socks I haven't gone back...