How do I get happy again/back to self >>parents

Own_Worst_Enermy

Hi,

I’m in hospital for third week and finding it so hard. I’ve got excited about discharge and then it hasn’t happened. I’ve been allowed of the ward to go down a floor to the cafe and shops that the hospital has and each time I really don’t want to come back. I live on my own so was/had been fiercely independent.

I gave up the booze completely in November, dieted hard losing just 2.5 stone/10% continued when things were going downhill but, which made me so happy, was enjoying the warmth and cheer of weekly slimming world meetings and the events beyond my wildest imagination left me in here. I went for a walk on 3rd December that changed everything. 

It would be period week (I appreciate that’s no excuse really but I’m at my lowest ebb it feels and been warned that the period may not happen) I’m not coping well with my parents and they are taking the brunt of much but I find it to much, now Dad is saying why do I need to see psycho/counsellor but I just want to be open minded to something when my brother wasn’t after his accident and it left him a hermit, whereas I’m really choming at the bit to get back to normal life and treat this as some sort of nightmare. 

Do you think the counsellor  will be able to give me any medication to calm the situation.

I do find it hard and struggle that a condition that noteable textbook normally gives pain in neck and shoulder I did not have but my numb hands and tummy along with the leg spasms, fine motor skills effected and drop foot are present instead.  (I had surgery through the neck to get to the spine to stop progression of the condition) it just made me think I was going mad for a little while.
2 physio’s said I just had tense muscles and do exercises I would be ok which maddens me then the numb tummy stops me from getting completely angry, it’s weird. As the symptoms worsened at one point I was thinking I had MS, the last night spent at home I was so scared whether I’d wake the next day.

There’s people in who don’t want to leave, (that’s a whole other camp) I’ve heard awful, wicked stuff like a lady losing her pregnancy whilst in A&E to the first ward another lady having to tell her family she’d spine cancer, people very ill through the night you feel wretched for these people, to the point yesterday when I had a second incontinence episode I really hated getting staff same age in their 40’s to clean up after me, getting friends/acquaintances to visit have been hard as understandably they are nervy about Covid and being around the sick. I’ve sobbed to a work mate so I’m glad we made up quickly after our incident. I don’t blame them I couldn’t stomach working for the first hospital I was in so that stirred painful memories.

I desperately want removal of the catheter to work while I’m in here, lord knows I thought what happens to a females private’s when my bro lost his bowel and bladder function.

I’ve just been issued a British spinal register pre-op questionnaire asking me to complete as if before surgery and I just have the urge to mark out neck and arm and write in tummy and hands.

Please tell me this battyness stands no chance when home. Are single people more effected as there is no partner to go home to, again I struggle with the thought of my parents having control because of this period. Thanks for reading, anyone any words of experience I’d be grateful for. 

Savvy_Sue

I don't know if the 'counsellor' will be able to offer any medication - in general, only qualified medics can do so (yes I know there a few others who can prescribe) but your 'counsellor' may be so qualified, and if not they may be able to recommend to a suitably qualified person that medication might help. 

but what I'd expect you to get out of any counselling sessions is the ability to get all these worries, fears and feelings out into the open, and to work out some coping strategies! 

diystarter7

Hi OP

I sincerely wish you well but medical threads are not allowed on MSE.
Just a polite heads upper.

Either way, good luck and best wishes for the future

elsien

diystarter7 said:

Hi OP

I sincerely wish you well but medical threads are not allowed on MSE.
Just a polite heads upper.

Either way, good luck and best wishes for the future

The OP is not looking for medical advice; they are looking for reassurance and coping mechanisms. 

Own_Worst_Enermy

Yes what Elsien said.

I’ve completed most of the questionnaire but I feel awful/wrong answering specific questions about neck and shoulders/arms knowing that isn’t the problematic area. I know it’s up to me to get it across and that taking painkillers will not help, won’t do anything as really it’s nerves based I do understand.

I think I’ll just have to give it time.
Really hoping my tummy will unnumb itself over time.

Thanks so much again for being here.

elsien

It can be difficult with referred pain. I am having physio for something which keeps moving around different parts of the body and the exercises which "should" be working aren't.  I am carrying on with them though on the basis that something might kick in at some point.

Have you considered filling in the questionaire then adding some comments at the bottom if you really think that it's relevant? Or discuss with the doctor when they do their ward rounds?  They may be able to reassure you about your worries.  Talking to someone is generally a good thing though even just to get it out of your head. It tends to get built up to more than it maybe is otherwise. 

Own_Worst_Enermy

Thank you Elsien, what you’ve said makes total sense, thank you again, I deeply hope you find some relief soon. 

After getting some fresh air, guess I’m asking a lot of my brain & mind on top what with taking steps in recovery and then a few sleepless nights just not helping.

I’ll think Christmas Day has come again after navigating outside walking today, physio are allowing me home tomorrow if I want to skip the psychologist. Can’t wait to get my cat back and be home. 🙂

Very best wishes to you Elsien x

elsien

You’re welcome.
Although however desperate you are to get home, is it worth staying a little longer for the psychologist? It seems there may be some support there that could be helpful, or an onwards referral on your discharge notes?