How can I help my friend?

Nifty_Purse

Greg, I feel for you and your friend is lucky to have a friend that cares for him.
If all his spare cash appears to be being spent regularly on alcohol then it is likely he is alcohol dependent.
While alcoholism is a physical addiction the majority of addicts are using the additive behaviour to mask difficult or unpleasant feelings and experiences. 
Instead of focusing on his finances, which he may well already feel ashamed about, or his level of drinking, try and make him comfortable in talking to you about any other problems he has past or present. We all have our own problems. One way to gain his trust would be to talk to him about your own problems and show your own vulnerability. However, do not rush this you need to gain his trust gradually over weeks or months not hours. Eventually, you may be able to get him to ask for professional help, but as others have said ultimately you're not responsible for his finances. 

Greg89

Thanks all

He was taking anti depressants.

However on Sunday he sleeps until 1. So his Sunday is a complete waste.

Wakes up at 11 on sat, then starts the pub in the afternoon.

On Sunday he sleeps until early noon.

Band7

You could try to ask your friend what would happen if he lost his job. How would he pay his rent, his bills and his beer? Common wisdom is to have emergency savings to survive at least 6 months without a job. He might brush off the idea of losing his job, in which case you might as well give up trying to talk some sense into him but may be, just may be, you can plant some thoughts in his brain.

AmityNeon

Greg89 said:

Thanks all

He was taking anti depressants.

However on Sunday he sleeps until 1. So his Sunday is a complete waste.

Wakes up at 11 on sat, then starts the pub in the afternoon.

On Sunday he sleeps until early noon.

That's a rough spot to be in, like his social life revolves around weekends drinking heavily and sleeping it off. His tenuous financial position is unfortunately just a symptom of a deeper problem, and he may not even realise it (or he does but is afraid of confronting it so prefers to continue as is).

EssexHebridean

Greg89 said:

My friend gets paid £1600 a month:

His rent and council tax are the first things that come out:

Weekly outgoings:

Rent £110 pw

Electricity per week £25 pw

Bus  pass£11 pw 

Takeaway in evening chippy £25 pw

Food shop £15 pw

Council tax £28 pw

£212 pw

£188 left per week 

He often has money run out within 10-7 days almost always of him getting paid.

Even if the rent and council tax are the first payments to come out 

He still has £180 a week left after expenses.

He does go the pub every Friday and Saturday night and he drinks a lot of pints.

He still should have £120 a left each week even after drinking out 

Unless he has many many pints, shots.

He's 34 and been working full time since 17 and no savings 

I told him to start a savings account 

What can I do for him? For years all the time he asks me within a week of getting paid to borrow him money and he goes to his family member to borrow an extra £50 a week always 

Hi Greg - you clearly care for your friend and want him to improve his position - but ultimately you can’t do anything but offer good suggestions (such as suggesting as you have that he stashes some money away from his weekly or monthly surplus towards an emergency fund) - beyond that he needs to be ready to help himself before there is much else you can do.

What I would suggest is that if you are confident that his income and outgoings are as you have said, you probably aren’t helping him much by continually lending him money - it doesn’t sound as though you are suggesting that he is getting himself into debt, so we can hopefully assume that he’s not spending money he doesn’t have. On that basis, you not lending him money might rapidly bring him to the conclusion that he needs to manage his funds a little more carefully than he currently is doing.

it sounds harsh I know - but the problem is that when people are bailed out constantly, it usually leads to them not having any incentive to try to sort themselves out. If the issue is that he has no grasp of budgeting, that IS something you probably can offer to help him with - and that will be of far more long term practical assistance than £50 here and £50 there. It’s a tricky situation though and will require a degree of tact to handle I suspect. This is probably a good time to start tackling it though as if next time he asks you say that sorry, you’ve nothing spare over your budget at the moment - cost of living and all that, that could be a natural way of leading into a conversation about budgeting and how to manage finances? 

Grumbler makes a really good point about translating monthly pay into weekly, too - if your friend is doing this then it will lead to him being short for his priority bills from time to time. If he’s paid monthly, it may be better that he starts to budget monthly as well - again this might be something you can help him to manage, or if you don’t feel confident to offer that help yourself, you could point him to the forum? 

While you’re here, did you manage to get your own debt situation sorted out? Your thread on DFW is still there if you wished to return to it? 

Nifty_Purse

If he is depressed or alcoholic or both criticism of his lifestyle and finances is not going to work. 
However, if he's been using anti-depressants it does show he is prepared to go to a doctor?
Perhaps someone could persuade him to see a GP again.
He can also self refer for mental health support and bypass a GP via this NHS website:
https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/

Also advice for you:
https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/supporting-others/helping-others/

Xenon

He is a grown adult - give advice if asked for but let him get on with it

His life so his choice

Greg89

He's got a new daughter, he says he will stay in and save for a rainy day.

born_again

In reality needs to cut out Chippy/takeaway to save £25, some of which can be used in food shop to replace them. Same with going to the pub.

Best help. Say no to lending anything further. When the funds run out. They can't go to the pub or chippie.
Harsh, Yes. But true.