My brutally honest diary to myself

CL21

Hi @Oceans7 just wanted to give you some encouragement. I know that debt can seem overwhelming at the beginning but hopefully you’ve read some of the diaries on here and seen that people have started in very similar situations and managed to pay off debt. I’d really encourage you to contact a debt charity - CAP or Stepchange perhaps. They can offer really practical help and advice and help you build a repayment plan which would hopefully give you a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. A DMP might be an option for you and give you some breathing room too. Wishing you all the best on your debt journey. The first steps are the hardest x

LookingForPeace

Hey @Oceans7 - we're here! 

Time alone to think and process life is important for a lot of us... you don't need to feel bad about it. My now ex felt the same as you, but was never able to express it. I felt awful that she didn't know how to set such a simple boundary with me that I would completely understand and not take as any judgement on me. Your DH sounds like he may be similar to me? 

I know this is easier understood than practiced, but you have every right to your own time... you are your own person, as he is. Would you be upset if he said he fancied going for a walk/run by himself a couple of times a week or something? 

One thing that has helped me in low moments where I've felt overwhelmed is to make sure I am just thinking in terms of today. What am I doing today. What am I eating today. What am I doing today that makes tomorrow a bit easier. Maybe give it a go?

Alongside that, I repeat "Back to Basics" like John Major  Focus on eating (well), moving (more), washing up (at all), going to sleep (on time).... no big plans, no big changes, just making sure the foundations of the day are OK.

Hope some of my waffle helps in some way xx

Brie

I know that if I want time away from the OH all I need to say is I'm doing some painting.  It's a thing that he thinks is great for me and is happy to leave me on my own to get on with it.  Is there something that you could have that would be yours alone that he'd respect and not interrupt?  Even if you go to your "painting" corner and do something else?

Oceans7

[font=courier new][b]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b][b]

Household Information[/b]

Number of adults in household........... 1

Number of children in household......... 3

Number of cars owned.................... 1[b]

Monthly Income Details[/b]

Monthly income after tax................ 1625

Partners monthly income after tax....... 0

Benefits................................ 880

Other income............................ 0[b]

Total monthly income.................... 2505[/b][b]

Monthly Expense Details[/b]

Mortgage................................ 0

Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0

Rent.................................... 498

Management charge (leasehold property).. 0

Council tax............................. 98

Electricity............................. 100

Gas..................................... 60

Oil..................................... 0

Water rates............................. 61

Telephone (land line)................... 0

Mobile phone............................ 41

TV Licence.............................. 14

Satellite/Cable TV...................... 16

Internet Services....................... 30

Groceries etc. ......................... 200

Clothing................................ 0

Petrol/diesel........................... 250

Road tax................................ 22

Car Insurance........................... 31

Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 22

Car parking............................. 0

Other travel............................ 0

Childcare/nursery....................... 0

Other child related expenses............ 100

Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 20

Pet insurance/vet bills................. 60

Buildings insurance..................... 0

Contents insurance...................... 0

Life assurance ......................... 0

Other insurance......................... 0

Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0

Haircuts................................ 0

Entertainment........................... 0

Holiday................................. 0

Emergency fund.......................... 0[b]

Total monthly expenses.................. 1623[/b]

[b]

Assets[/b]

Cash.................................... 0

House value (Gross)..................... 0

Shares and bonds........................ 0

Car(s).................................. 0

Other assets............................ 0[b]

Total Assets............................ 0[/b]

[b]

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts[/b]

[b]Unsecured Debts[/b]

Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR

very...........................1482.13...70.33.....0

cap one 70.....................175.89....6.5.......0

cap one 41.....................668.59....25........0

solicitors.....................4000......50........0

paypal.........................3260......122.......0

ao.............................1569.87...149.......0

barclaycard....................372.87....20........0

fluid..........................2706.03...123.4.....0

virgin.........................2975.88...36.09.....0

aqua...........................4931.4....225.......0[b]

Total unsecured debts..........22142.66..827.32....-  [/b]

[b]

Monthly Budget Summary[/b]

Total monthly income.................... 2,505

Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,623

Available for debt repayments........... 882

Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 827.32[b]

Amount left after debt repayments....... 54.68[/b]

[b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]

Total assets (things you own)........... 0

Total HP & Secured debt................. -0

Total Unsecured debt.................... -22,142.66[b]

Net Assets.............................. -22,142.66[/b]

[i]Created using the SOA calculator at www.LemonFool.co.uk.

Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.[/i][/font]

enthusiasticsaver

It looks like you have managed to  adjust some of your spends.  Is that a realistic soa? If so then it appears you can now meet minimums although there are some gaps in your soa for haircuts, presents, entertainment and contents insurance.  

Did you manage to sell the pet that was obviously costing you a lot as you appear to have gone from over £200 to £60 on pets and the commuting cost is much lower so have you moved branches? Also the holiday cost is gone which I think is a good thing as you cannot afford it. Have you cancelled it? I hope you have contents insurance as that is a priority. 

If you have managed to make all those changes you have done brilliantly.  

If you crave alone time can you not go out for a walk leaving your DH watching the kids? 

enthusiasticsaver

Also you have not  put down any interest rates.  If the interest rates are high and you are unable to  get 0% deals you may want to consider a DMP which would make life a bit more bearable as the monthly debt repayment would be worked out according to your income.  Given your debt repayments are about a third of your monthly income and the total debt looks more than your annual income it might be worth considering.  Give stepchange a call.  They are a free debt charity. 

Oceans7

Well I am still struggling along. I have swapped my car for another one. Exchanged one for another so whilst no money was involved the new car is more economical and in better condition so hopefully will need less maintenance when it comes to mot which is ever so slightly longer than the mot my old car had. I am also looking for a new job closer to home.

 I have also managed to reduce pet costs and broadband. I have also started to do surveys again when I can. I have cut out holiday payments, hair cuts , presents and emergency fund. My plan is to concentrate on 2 smallest cards - so smallest capital one card and barclay card and once these are paid off start to put what I would have paid to these towards an emergency fund. Then I will aim towards the other capital one card. Financially I know it makes more sense to prioritise by highest interest rates but I think mentally I need to clear a couple so there aren't so many debts as this will give me motivation. 

Tomorrow is the first of the month and I am going to start listing my daily spends on here to hold myself accountable. Not the best start as it will be a spend day due to needing to go to Ald1 to buy ingredients for DD's pancake breakfast - I have promised and I will not break a promise to her.  

If only I could win the lottery!


  

Brie

Oh wouldn't a lottery win be lovely!!!  I've had lottery tickets since the 1970s when they were first introduced where I was living at that time.  I hate to think how much I've spent on them since - much more than what I've won I'm sure!!!  Nice to dream sometimes but obviously nothing to rely on!!!!!

Glad you're hitting the cards hard.  I still think that an emergency fund is less important than clearing some of the other debt but maybe that's just me.

Out of interest - I looked back but can't see where it is you work and I don't need to know of course.  But someone mentions that you may have moved "branches".  Does that mean you work for a bank??  If so you might want to check what assistance Bank Workers Charity might be able to provide.  I found them exceedingly useful prior to moving when I had some particular financial and legal issues.  Their approach was very holistic so even talking to them helped me immensely to sort out things I was concerned about.

Bank Workers Charity (bwcharity.org.uk)

Sarahwithlove

Well done for making changes to your SOA. Hopefully you can find ways to keep improving it. Do you have anything you could sell? Have you contacted any of the companies to see if they can give you some breathing space in regards to interest being charged?