My brutally honest diary to myself

Brie

As the rest have said - well done for taking a good look at your situation.  And yes there can be a solution for you if you want to find it.  And yes you're in debt but a lot of us here have been in a lot, LOT worse situation and have lived to tell the tale.  It may take a couple of runs at it but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Before I comment on your SOA I also agree with others about finding someone IRL who can help you.  Citizen's Advice has debt advisers as do many food banks.  StepChange is also well known and may be easy to use as I believe they do things mostly remotely to fit in with people's busy lives.

Secondly - about your situation - you mention your ex partner not paying not paying maintenance for DD3.  Is there any other maintenance being paid?  Is there any other benefits that you might be entitled to?  

And about the bills.

• Water seems high - I'm assuming this is for both incoming water and waste.  But you seem to be using a lot - is there a known reason?  (other than teens constantly showering....) If there is a medical reason the water company(s) may consider putting you on a capped rate.
• TV/Internet/phones - over £100!  You say DD1's phone should reduce soon - is she old enough to know she should be paying for this herself??  Is she old enough to get a p/t job to pay for her phone/clothes/hair/pocket money??  As others have said this is very high - check to see if getting on to a bundled plan is possible. And TV license - does anyone actually watch live TV?  If not get rid of this as it's unnecessary.
• Petrol - wow! You must commute a lot.  If you got a job closer to home that paid less you would probably save the difference in petrol.  And you would have more time with your family and also have the option of a p/t job to get extra to throw at the debts.  
• Pet bills - does this include food?  If so are you buying it from the vet?  This is likely the most expensive place to get pet food so have a look at the alternatives.  I used to get prescription type food for my cat from zooplus at about half the price the vet would charge.  Other online retailers are available.
• Presents and emergency fund are completely unnecessary at this time.  This is your emergency.  Make the present to yourself and your budget not to others.  
• Holiday - I get you feel it's deserved but it's dreadful being away supposedly doing fun things while you are spending all the time dreading how much it costs is horrid.  Don't ask me how I know!!!
• And yes - do something about those 2 lowest debts - you'll feel so much better if you eliminate even one of them.  

Good luck with your journey!  

x_raphael_xx

@Oceans7 How have you been doing the last few days?

Oceans7

Still plodding on and getting no where fast but I am trying still - this in itself is a big change for me, usually I would have given up trying by now and buried my head back in the sand.

 I have advertised one pet for sale which whilst it will be hard I know it is the right thing to do, I will be really sad but I cant afford her financially nor time wise as they take up a lot of time. I feel really guilty for having reached this decision
I will use any payment I get from selling her to pay off of my debts starting with the two smallest ones.  

I have also lined up a smaller cheaper car to run and have asked for some help to sell mine privately to cover the cost of the new one and it should have a little bit of difference to throw at a debt. The new cars current owner is aware of my situation (kind of!!) and is happy to wait for me to sell mine before I can buy it. 
Work wise I have been subject to a conversation at work with regard to moving to a branch closer to home. I was not part of this conversation and one of the people involved told me afterwards. I'm hoping it means it could be a possibility and I am looking for a position nearer myself too. 

I have this morning arranged to have electric and gas smart meters fitted to help me be able to top up online which should save money a little even if just by not going to the shop and buying impulse things with the kids. I am going to go to Ald1 in a little bit and do a shop for the week. My budget for the shop is £30 and I am going armed with a list. DD is coming with me but she is very aware of my finances and will help me rather than ask for things like her sister would!

I have DD birthday this week and I have bought her a present costing £7.99.  I know she will be happy with it and appreciate the thought behind it, however I am struggling a little as it doesn't seem very much - highlighting to me how much I would usually have spent on a birthday.  
 

poppy811

Just wanted to say Well Done.  Not easy decisions but the right ones.  I think you are doing really well

Brie

Well done for keeping chipping away at it.  

I get what you say about the birthday present but it's the thought that counts.  Yes it's an old chestnut but hopefully she will understand and appreciate what extra time/effort you put in to make her day special.

Humdinger1

You're doing brilliantly @Oceans7; this stuff is hard but you have totally got this.  I think that by letting go of at least some of the stuff that got you here, you're acknowledging in a very real way that things need to change.   We'll done for that and your honesty.  Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

Oceans7

Ald1 shop was slightly more than budgeted at £36.78 however I did stick to the list and didn't buy anything that wasn't on it, I under estimated the cost of things so I am taking it as a mini win even though I went over budget. I also spent £30 at the post office putting £15 each on my gas and electric top up cards. 
I have made packed lunch for work tomorrow and will need to put fuel in the car, I am going to put £20 in and that will be my spends for tomorrow. I don't need anything else although I will need to spend on Tuesday as I need to buy a present and will probably need milk by then.  I am aiming for Wednesday and Thursday to be NSD.

Friday is payday!! And it will be my first payday probably in ever that I will be thinking before I spend anything. Usually I just think oh its ok I can buy X Y and Z and then I'll just be good for the rest of the month but not this time.......this time I know I cant afford to buy anything without thinking properly first.

I have littlest DD birthday in February so will need to buy her birthday bits but according to her, her Dad is organising her a party so I am not going to have to worry about paying for that which will save me in the long run (if he does that is!). 

 I also prised the lid off my penny pot this afternoon. I cant remember the last time I put any change in it and the actual container was really dusty and horrible so I am going to throw it in the bath tomorrow and give it a quick shower and see if I can sell it for a couple of pounds. I started counting the coins and reached £30 but had to stop as I had to go out. Tomorrow I will finish counting it, although I don't think there's too much more in there £5 maybe? I am going to pay this into my current account and then immediately make a payment onto my lowest balance credit card. I am hoping to sell a few bits and this will all be chucked at this card. I am tempted to try V!nted for selling some clothes but it seems quite a faff posting it all so might try fb marketplace first.

I used to do surveys too previously although I never made great amounts like I have seen some people on here do but I might try and do some of these as and when I can. Might not seem like a big thing to do a survey but I honestly never seem to have 5 minutes to do anything. For 2023 I not only want to sort my finances out (too much debt to say I will pay it all off but I want to at least be in control of the situation and have a plan) but I want to sort out my work/home balance.

I am in debt and its hard to admit that but just writing on here is helping and I am very grateful to those of you have taken the time to reply, its very motivating to know I am not alone. 

Humdinger1

@Oceans7 you are not alone! I foresee that our ranks will be swollen massively by the current cost of living crisis too.  You can take pride in the fact that you're gripping this now and will get there.  Love Humdinger xx 

Brie

I'm glad you're paying your penny pot into a bank account rather than using one of those machines in a supermarket - I was shocked the first time I saw one and noted that they take a good percentage as a fee.  8% or something - which should be money in my pocket!!  I'm lucky that my bank has a coin deposit bit so I can just pour the coins in there.  This is assuming of course that I can actually get to the bank as it's no where near anywhere I need to go these days!!!

Oceans7

Brutally honest ......... thats what my diary title has in it. I have been honest about my finances but perhaps not about my feelings. I think I have hit the point where I need to just tell someone exactly how I feel and I have no one to tell so I am going to tell my you my diary.  I am completely overwhelmed and I dont know how much longer I can  hold things together before cracking. More than anything I really really really want some time to myself. I am sick and tired of being surrounded by people and I just want to be left alone. Not previously mentioned but I have a DH who is a lovely man but I literally feel like I cant do anything without him being there. He just likes spending time with me which is really nice but I dont want to spend all my very limited amount of free time with him. Now I feel awful for saying it and its also probably the first time I have outwardly admitted it. I know I need to tell him but I dont want to hurt him and I know it will. 

Financially I am still in a huge amount of debt that I am not seeming to being able to get a handle on. I have been looking for a new job.