Debt problems on maternity leave

kimwp

I'm pretty sure child benefit depends on individual earnings, not combined. So a couple, each earning £49k would get full child benefit. Whereas a couple where one earned £60k and the other earned nothing wouldn't get child benefit.
There are benefits to claiming child benefit even if you then pay it back because you are over the limit - national insurance number for the child, credit-something-or-other. Best to Google it as I've not looked at it for a while.

LoulaBelle

Hiya, 

I didn't want to read and run but I agree with what other people have said that you need to talk to your husband and work on this together, maybe you can post a full SOA when your ready. x

Stateofart

Can you go back to work early?  Have you got any family to help with childcare?  Does your job pay enough for you to pay for childcare.  Seems to be the elephant in the room; if you're on maternity and you can't afford to be on maternity, perhaps you'll need to cut it short?

headinsand_Jo

Thank you everyone for your contributions.

I have contacted Barclaycard and indeed they put an AP marker on my account. I cancelled it straight away. Instead I asked my family for a loan.

The best part of my whole conversation with Barclaycard was that the lady on the phone said that the marker stays on my account only for the duration of the Arrangement. How is that possible if everybody on the forum says it is for six years?

Also second question, when I called Barclaycard for advice those two weeks ago they said I can pay less than minimum payments and they will scrap any interest for a year until my financial situation improves. Nobody ever mentioned that it is called Arrangement to Pay and that it stays on my file for 6 years. Can I complain somewhere about it? If I didn't read this forum I'd be none the wiser!! I don't think that's right way off treating the customer.

As to what I should do next to improve my situation, including early return to work or family help with childcare - all is being considered at the moment. I was not able to focus on anything recently because frankly this situation totally destroyed me and I'm feeling unable to cope. Partly because I thought I found a solution (AP or DMP) but then founding out that it actually is no good...

sourcrates

To be honest, credit files will heal with time, finding a solution that helps you get back on track should be the priority, also the older negative information is, the less effect it will have on lending decisions, so I wouldn`t be too concerned with my credit file right now, if they are offering a year interest free, I'd take it regardless.

EssexHebridean

Now this isn't an approach to present to your husband - but regardless. In part, it was him paying off debts for you previously that has helped lead you back to where you are. Often when we "go through the process" of clearing debts - making payments, snowballing, having to cut back on lifestyle etc - it focuses us on making sure that we don't find our way back to the same place in the future.  having it all paid off for us, with little or no effort on our part however comes with no life-lessons embedded. I got into what was - for me, at the time, a fair bit of debt when I was 18 after getting a credit card and then of course not keeping up with paying it off monthly. Chuck a few unexpected car repairs into the mix and ouch - cue a CC I couldn't meet minimum payments on and an overdraft accrued while I was still trying to. Lots of my friends had got into similar situations and their parents had just paid things off for them...mine took a rather different approach of telling me that they would give me whatever support they could in terms of helping me work through what needed doing, help me with budgeting etc, but they absolutely would NOT give me any money. It was absolutely without question the best approach they could have taken - and having cleared it off painfully and slowly over a couple of years it was a long while before I even considered trusting myself with a credit card again! 

Borrowing from family is all well and good but two issues - the first is, again, it's a relatively "pain free" bail-out - often family are relaxed about timescales to pay things back, and in some cases they might even say "Oh don't worry about it, we don't need it back". Secondly, if things do for whatever reason go horribly wrong, owing a faceless financial institution feels a lot less stressful to me than owing a family member when there is no prospect of making payments! 

Talk to your husband, and sit down together and put together your SOA - Statement of Affairs - the link is in my signature. You need to make it open and honest, to ensure that it includes everything (so remember annual, as well as monthly and quarterly, spending.  It also needs to reflect how things are right now - not what you "think" you should be spending, or what you imagine it's "supposed to" say. No point in saying you save £50 a month for christmas presents and food if, right now, you're merrily sticking stuff on a credit card to cover THIS christmas as nothing was budgeted! use the "format for MSE" option and copy and paste it in here and we can help you identify savings and tweak your budgeted amounts.

I agree with Sourcrates by the way - try not to stress about your credit file at the moment. It will be what it will be, and quite frankly the most important thing is getting the debt under control and sorted - if you don't do that, your file will be far worse affected down the line! 

Katie875

First, I'd really recommend speaking to your partner about this. I understand that you being in this situation must be difficult, especially with a baby to look after. This is a time to take responsibility, own up to those mistakes and be kind to yourself. Talking to your partner will help take some of the pressure away and you really will feel better once this is no longer a secret. I was in a similar situation before so I understand the stress that comes with it, but the sooner you tell him, the sooner you can work it all out.

NiamhChinnOir

You are married and you have two children OP. Your money should be pooled. It drives me bananas that women on maternity leave on severely reduced incomes get in to financial problems trying to stay afloat and it’s seen as just her problem. Having children benefits both in a relationship and it’s shameful that women are getting in to such distressing situations because the income of both spouses is not seen as family money. This woman is so distressed she cannot sleep at night and there are people here saying that she should be infantilised and hand over complete financial control to her husband?! Her issue is that she’s on a very low income due to having this man’s baby. She’s not out blowing it in Dior handbags and champagne by the sounds of it. She should have a conversation with her husband about opening a joint account where all money comes in and goes out, including debt repayment. I can’t believe that you’ve a school going aged child and finances aren’t pooled yet. Not too late to rectify this. It’s not your fault so don’t be shamed any further. I presume previous debt racked up was on family things? If so, it’s only right that family money was used to clear this. If I was you OP I would go back to work full time asap as there’s an economic imbalance going on here in the relationship. You can’t afford a longer maternity leave. You should concentrate on your career and improve your earnings when you go back to work but short term, do not be shamed or too distressed that you cannot sleep. Women are disadvantaged financially by having babies and any decent man would not allow this happen, they’d share money as it’s the right thing by the family. Best of luck OP. 

kimwp

NiamhChinnOir said:

You are married and you have two children OP. Your money should be pooled. It drives me bananas that women on maternity leave on severely reduced incomes get in to financial problems trying to stay afloat and it’s seen as just her problem. Having children benefits both in a relationship and it’s shameful that women are getting in to such distressing situations because the income of both spouses is not seen as family money. This woman is so distressed she cannot sleep at night and there are people here saying that she should be infantilised and hand over complete financial control to her husband?! Her issue is that she’s on a very low income due to having this man’s baby. She’s not out blowing it in Dior handbags and champagne by the sounds of it. She should have a conversation with her husband about opening a joint account where all money comes in and goes out, including debt repayment. I can’t believe that you’ve a school going aged child and finances aren’t pooled yet. Not too late to rectify this. It’s not your fault so don’t be shamed any further. I presume previous debt racked up was on family things? If so, it’s only right that family money was used to clear this. If I was you OP I would go back to work full time asap as there’s an economic imbalance going on here in the relationship. You can’t afford a longer maternity leave. You should concentrate on your career and improve your earnings when you go back to work but short term, do not be shamed or too distressed that you cannot sleep. Women are disadvantaged financially by having babies and any decent man would not allow this happen, they’d share money as it’s the right thing by the family. Best of luck OP. 

Hiya, we actually don't know why she's in debt as she hasn't told us. The advice to turn to her husband (I suspect) is mostly on the basis of this:
"my husband paid off all my debts those few years ago when we bought a house so we would get a good mortgage deal (he had some inheritance money, now we are not in the same situation to do the same). Then I didn't manage my finances too well and I'm in the same boat again. I think that is the worst part of all this for me. He also pays majority of bills and mortgage so I'm left to pay for my CC and contribute a little bit towards food."
So the money is not pooled, but neither are the mortgage and bills. It's not clear what's being bought on the credit cards.

I agree, it rings alarm bells for a spouse to have financial control, but given the information given, more involvement from him might be helpful.

kimwp

More importantly, how are you doing OP?