What to do with grave marker?

Yazmina

Does anyone have any ideas of what to do with the grave marker left by the undertaker, once the full headstone is in place? It feels inappropriate to put it in the bin. 

Sapindus

Plant a tree in memory and put the marker under it.  But then you have the problem all over again when you move house.

Marcon

Yazmina said:

Does anyone have any ideas of what to do with the grave marker left by the undertaker, once the full headstone is in place? It feels inappropriate to put it in the bin. 

If the headstone isn't yet in place, ask the mason to take the marker away for disposal. If it is already in position, give the marker to your local religious leader, or whoever is in charge of the cemetery, and ask them to dispose of it. Resist the temptation to ask how disposal will be carried out - which might sound rather heartless, but you can drive yourself in circles overthinking this particular issue and prolonging your natural grief.

theoretica

What is it made of?  If wooden I would be tempted to burn it.

Yazmina

It's made of wood, and the headstone is in place. I'll ask the cemetery what to do. Thanks. 

Devongardener

I’m in the same quandary,  the wooden cross marker with a brass plated name plate, from  my Mum’s grave is still in my shed from last year because I don’t know what to do with it.  It just seems wrong to throw it away.  

Marcon

Devongardener said:

I’m in the same quandary,  the wooden cross marker with a brass plated name plate, from  my Mum’s grave is still in my shed from last year because I don’t know what to do with it.  It just seems wrong to throw it away.  

Would it help to ask yourself what your mum would have suggested if she'd been around today and you'd asked her advice?

74jax

Marcon said:

Devongardener said:

I’m in the same quandary,  the wooden cross marker with a brass plated name plate, from  my Mum’s grave is still in my shed from last year because I don’t know what to do with it.  It just seems wrong to throw it away.  

Would it help to ask yourself what your mum would have suggested if she'd been around today and you'd asked her advice?

I did this loads. When dad died we looked (I mean 'i'.. 😂) at getting flowers for the coffin.  The cost was something I was shocked at.  My husband said would dad have wanted me to spend what I considered a lot on flowers.... His coffin ended up with his walking stick and cap on top, which we then kept (and use actually still).
Even when clearing the house, my brother was a lot more sentimental than me, and we would think about what would they want.  I did have to get my husband to bin his hospital bag though. It was the last thing he touched, last time he prepared his bag etc and I couldn't let go. Yet I would never use it. I told him to bin it, not me tell me when he did it and that was that. 
Our grave marker was removed when they put the grave up.  I was a little annoyed as I'm sure it cost us something like £50.  I had planned to use the brass plate in my garden with a plant. But I guess dad didn't like that idea so made it so I couldn't... 😂 (another way I got through 'mishaps'. 
I have now told my daughter not stress over what to do with stuff, bin stuff, sell stuff etc when it comes to me. I never talked to my folks about it and it would have helped. 

poppystar

74jax said:

Marcon said:

Devongardener said:

I’m in the same quandary,  the wooden cross marker with a brass plated name plate, from  my Mum’s grave is still in my shed from last year because I don’t know what to do with it.  It just seems wrong to throw it away.  

Would it help to ask yourself what your mum would have suggested if she'd been around today and you'd asked her advice?

I did this loads. When dad died we looked (I mean 'i'.. 😂) at getting flowers for the coffin.  The cost was something I was shocked at.  My husband said would dad have wanted me to spend what I considered a lot on flowers.... His coffin ended up with his walking stick and cap on top, which we then kept (and use actually still).
Even when clearing the house, my brother was a lot more sentimental than me, and we would think about what would they want.  I did have to get my husband to bin his hospital bag though. It was the last thing he touched, last time he prepared his bag etc and I couldn't let go. Yet I would never use it. I told him to bin it, not me tell me when he did it and that was that. 
Our grave marker was removed when they put the grave up.  I was a little annoyed as I'm sure it cost us something like £50.  I had planned to use the brass plate in my garden with a plant. But I guess dad didn't like that idea so made it so I couldn't... 😂 (another way I got through 'mishaps'. 
I have now told my daughter not stress over what to do with stuff, bin stuff, sell stuff etc when it comes to me. I never talked to my folks about it and it would have helped. 

I tried that one for the house contents but my father kept everything ‘because it might come in useful’ so that was no help and increased the guilt of getting rid of things! He once mended a very old kettle of mine when I went to buy a nice new one (cue frown) and was pleased as punch when, several years later, at my grandmother’s wake he was able to produce a second kettle for making the copious cups of tea! 

He did leave strict instructions about their ashes but I still have them as I’m pretty sure his wishes are illegal🙄. 

So often in the process I wished I had somewhere for a bonfire because their are things I wouldn’t want to just put in a dustbin yet I think a ritual burning would be very respectful. I would second burning if wood OP although if there is also a brass plaque I guess part of the problem will remain.

Gers

Both my parents were cremated so never had this quandary though Mum's house was a huge emotional guilt trap which still holds me in its thrall 18 months later. 

Anyway, I still have Mum's brass name plate from her front door and Dad's plastic one (they were divorced) lingering in my kitchen. I have no idea what to do with them. Mum would have said 'keep it', like almost everything she owned, and Dad would have said 'bin it'. He was much less sentimental. 

sammyjammy

I find general with things that hold an emotional attachment to either the living or the dying that we either don't like or don't know what to do with sort themselves out in the end.  I've had things that I have kept for years and years to suddenly have a sort out and find I can happily put it in the bin/charity bag.