Money Moral Dilemma: Should our son pay us for the fuel we use babysitting our grandchildren? 8 November 2022 at 3:46PM edited 8 November 2022 at 3:47PM in Marriage, relationships & families 51 replies 41.2K views

sheramber

I would mention that costs are going up and while you are happy to babysit you can no longer the fuel cost. In future can they bring the children to you ( if suitable)  or pay for the fuel.

BUT do not wait until they ask you to babysit. Be upfront and tell them now, before any arrangements are made.

When we were young my father told us we could use his car and as long as he could afford it we didn't need to pay for the fuel. 

If, and when, he couldnl't afford it he would tell us and we would have to pay for it.

While he never did ask for payment we never took it for granted and were fully prepared .

Brigantia4444

Their kids, their financial responsibility. No such thing as 'free' childcare. Even this government knows that.

Scousemaid

Unless you are really strapped you should not expect fuel payments from your son. Many young parents cannot afford babysitters and welcome their parents helping with the children. It also gives you the opportunity to bond with your grandchildren - something that many grandparents would welcome. Without your "free" Babysitting it is likely that thjs young couple would not be able to go out and relax without the pressure of the children. My husband and I are lucky to still be together as we never had anyone willing to babysit for us, my mil thought that my place was in the home but my husband should be allowed to go out. My mother was dead so I could not call upon her. It meant that we never relaxed and enjoyed ourselves as a couple - this still impinges on us now 50 years later. Also older people with their pensions are generally less affected by the cost of living as are younger people with mortgages etc. Enjoy your grandchildren and thank God you are able to.

sheramber

Scousemaid said:

Unless you are really strapped you should not expect fuel payments from your son. Many young parents cannot afford babysitters and welcome their parents helping with the children. It also gives you the opportunity to bond with your grandchildren - something that many grandparents would welcome. Without your "free" Babysitting it is likely that thjs young couple would not be able to go out and relax without the pressure of the children. My husband and I are lucky to still be together as we never had anyone willing to babysit for us, my mil thought that my place was in the home but my husband should be allowed to go out. My mother was dead so I could not call upon her. It meant that we never relaxed and enjoyed ourselves as a couple - this still impinges on us now 50 years later. Also older people with their pensions are generally less affected by the cost of living as are younger people with mortgages etc. Enjoy your grandchildren and thank God you are able to.

they live about an hour's drive from us, which means it costs £15 to £20 in fuel per round trip. It's becoming difficult to afford it with other bills rising

That sounds like the OP is 'really strapped'

 Also older people with their pensions are generally less affected by the cost of living as are younger people with mortgages etc

Not necessarily. Someone with £1 more income than the limit for PC  gets no help. They do not get any of the cost of living payments. All they would get is the extra  winter fuel payment which  may help towards their heating bills.

They have to eat the same as their children and have less income coming in.

The younger couple  need to take the cost of a babysitter into their budget for going out.

I did not use my parents for babysitting through choice. 

JaneHenery

It should definitely be discussed. They are getting free babysitting from you (I assume), why should they be getting free travel expenses too? However, they are family so it would perhaps be a solution to go halves on it, with you each paying 50/50 of the fuel costs. Either that, or could they bring the kids to you half the time? It's definitely worth discussing, but from the approach of "We're all feeling the pinch and we're finding it difficult to find fuel costs to come visit, how can we go about making this work?", rather than "Oi. give us petrol money!"

sunnyflower

I would discuss it with them & explore the options:
Have the children at my house half or all of the time
or
Look after them less often
or
Agree on a set amount towards petrol 

london21

Communicate with them.

Considering childcare savings, should not be a problem paying for fuel. 

If you do not ask, you do not get.

rach_k

I think it depends how often you would want to see the children if you weren't asked to babysit.  For the times when you'd want to see them because you enjoy it, I wouldn't ask for any petrol money.  If they are asking you to babysit more often than you would choose to look after the kids simply because you want to see them, I think it's reasonable to at least discuss it with them.  

BSGee20

I do think it’s a conversation that needs to be had. At least once you’ve discussed it with them, everyone will know where they stand, and a plan of action can be made. 

stefanhowarth123

If they can afford to go out regularly they can at least afford to pay your fuel costs or half? Unless you have plenty of money tucked away it’s possibly there inheritance you are spending.