Money Moral Dilemma: Should our son pay us for the fuel we use babysitting our grandchildren? 8 November 2022 at 2:46PM edited 8 November 2022 at 2:47PM in Marriage, relationships & families 51 replies 41.2K views

MSE_Kelvin

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Our son and his partner regularly ask us to babysit our young grandchildren. While we love spending time with the kids, they live about an hour's drive from us, which means it costs £15 to £20 in fuel per round trip. It's becoming difficult to afford it with other bills rising, but I'm not sure if we should ask my son for money as they're feeling the pinch too.

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tacpot12

It's worth discussing with them, even if the outcome is that you say you are happy to continue to travel and that you will absob the cost because they are also struggling. If you discuss it, they will be aware that it is costing you money, and it will be easier to discuss things if anything changes because they will already know how closely your own budget is being streteched. 

KxMx

They may be feeling the pinch too but seem to be able to afford to go out regularly as a couple. 

Yes, you should definitely ask and I think you are justified in doing so.

You could come to a financial arrangement that suits both parties which means they still get to go out and you still get to spend that time with your grandchildren. 

Lauraebrad

I think they should definitely approach this, especially given the massive cost saving they’re getting by using grandparents as childcare.  I used to give my parents £10 towards fuel whoever they came to look after my son (between 2013 and start of the pandemic). 

Groom

It depends why they are asking you to babysit - if it's so they can go out for a meal, the cinema, concert etc then yes, they should at least contribute to your petrol costs. If you didn't do it, it would cost them between £10 and £12 an hour. 

REJP

KxMx said:

They may be feeling the pinch too but seem to be able to afford to go out regularly as a couple. 

Yes, you should definitely ask and I think you are justified in doing so.

You could come to a financial arrangement that suits both parties which means they still get to go out and you still get to spend that time with your grandchildren. 

They may be going out to work.

REJP

Let them bring the children to you.  Otherwise they should help with fuel.   After all, if they employed a babysitter they would pay them.  Though if they bring them to you, then who pays to feed them?
if it is really causing you financial problems, then tell them about it.

wy111

In my mind, depends on the reason. Why not pay for a local babysitter, if on a night or a local creche or pre-school group.

Ed264

You don't say how regularly you do these babysitting duties. Is it weekly, monthly? Whatever, your son is well aware that you have an hour's drive each way, and that it costs you money in fuel. If they're out socialising, it's fair for them to cover your travelling costs.

Wisp

I would have expected an offer from the outset (which I may have declined in favour of glorious grandchildren, warm home in winter/ meal  etc) Depends what regularly is - 2 x weekly, 1x weekly, 1 x fortnightly ......
I wonder why are they needing regular  childcare - working, studying or a combo, date nights ?
In my humble opinion date nights are valuable but need to factor in an offer of fuel for childcare costs, maybe less date nights.

bikaga

You should mention it - they might not be aware. I also like the suggestion to ask them to drive the kids over (though of course that would probably mean they wake up on the way back if it's an evening thing, so might not work).