Our son and his partner regularly ask us to babysit our young grandchildren. While we love spending time with the kids, they live about an hour's drive from us, which means it costs £15 to £20 in fuel per round trip. It's becoming difficult to afford it with other bills rising, but I'm not sure if we should ask my son for money as they're feeling the pinch too.
We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum... Read More »
Money Moral Dilemma: Should our son pay us for the fuel we use babysitting our grandchildren?

MSE_Kelvin
Posts: 387 MSE Staff

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...
Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.
Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.
If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.


1
Comments
-
It's worth discussing with them, even if the outcome is that you say you are happy to continue to travel and that you will absob the cost because they are also struggling. If you discuss it, they will be aware that it is costing you money, and it will be easier to discuss things if anything changes because they will already know how closely your own budget is being streteched.
The comments I post are my personal opinion. While I try to check everything is correct before posting, I can and do make mistakes, so always try to check official information sources before relying on my posts.4 -
They may be feeling the pinch too but seem to be able to afford to go out regularly as a couple.
Yes, you should definitely ask and I think you are justified in doing so.
You could come to a financial arrangement that suits both parties which means they still get to go out and you still get to spend that time with your grandchildren.1 -
I think they should definitely approach this, especially given the massive cost saving they’re getting by using grandparents as childcare. I used to give my parents £10 towards fuel whoever they came to look after my son (between 2013 and start of the pandemic).
Aiming for mortgage free by September 2030
Balance 1.1.20 - £69,701.80
Balance 1.1.21 - £63,699.80
Balance 1.1.22 - £57,762.80
Balance 1.1.23 - £53,074.20
Balance 1.1.24 - £47,902.00
Balance 1.1.25 - £44,141.20
over payments 2025 = £890/£1,200 /// invested 2025 = £500/£1,200 = TOTAL (YTD) £1,390/£2,4000 -
It depends why they are asking you to babysit - if it's so they can go out for a meal, the cinema, concert etc then yes, they should at least contribute to your petrol costs. If you didn't do it, it would cost them between £10 and £12 an hour.1
-
KxMx said:They may be feeling the pinch too but seem to be able to afford to go out regularly as a couple.
Yes, you should definitely ask and I think you are justified in doing so.
You could come to a financial arrangement that suits both parties which means they still get to go out and you still get to spend that time with your grandchildren.
1 -
Let them bring the children to you. Otherwise they should help with fuel. After all, if they employed a babysitter they would pay them. Though if they bring them to you, then who pays to feed them?
if it is really causing you financial problems, then tell them about it.5 -
In my mind, depends on the reason. Why not pay for a local babysitter, if on a night or a local creche or pre-school group.1
-
You don't say how regularly you do these babysitting duties. Is it weekly, monthly? Whatever, your son is well aware that you have an hour's drive each way, and that it costs you money in fuel. If they're out socialising, it's fair for them to cover your travelling costs.1
-
I would have expected an offer from the outset (which I may have declined in favour of glorious grandchildren, warm home in winter/ meal etc) Depends what regularly is - 2 x weekly, 1x weekly, 1 x fortnightly ......
I wonder why are they needing regular childcare - working, studying or a combo, date nights ?
In my humble opinion date nights are valuable but need to factor in an offer of fuel for childcare costs, maybe less date nights.
0 -
You should mention it - they might not be aware. I also like the suggestion to ask them to drive the kids over (though of course that would probably mean they wake up on the way back if it's an evening thing, so might not work).0
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 349.9K Banking & Borrowing
- 252.6K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 453K Spending & Discounts
- 242.8K Work, Benefits & Business
- 619.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 176.4K Life & Family
- 255.8K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards