Living with mum - finance advise needed

jbkmum

This may be lengthy but I'll try to bullet point. Starting point to all of this, is that I love my mother more than anyone apart from my own kids, and all of the issues I need to solve are to protect and look after the both of us. She does a lot for me, and I do a lot of her. Given the financial history of our family (my dad wasted all their money) the end result of everything needs to be that my mum can grow old without worries. 

Right! 
I have ADHD - its worse at the moment as pregnant but its generally bad enough that I am thinking of doing an ordinary power of attorney for mum to manage me. It gets so bad I forget to tell my ADHD son to do his homework, my mum forgets nothing.
20 weeks pregnant and a single mother to an 11 year old. ExP not involved, not counting on financial contribution
I earn 37k per year
Mother has just bought a house for 275k in my city, she is relocating. 
The house is for us to live in, myself, mum, current child, future child and pets - hopefully moving in two months time, I currently rent.
House is 1960s built, needs work doing (original electrics, bathroom you name it!)
My credit is awful, defaulted this year on things when my partner left as couldn't keep up. 

My ideal world is, I pay off my debt whilst living with mum and eventually am able to get my own mortgage for the house when baby is old enough to go to school (so 6 years). I buy the house, mum moves to smaller house for retirement and she has the excess from downsizing to live on. We've both agreed this is the general idea.

My mum suffers from anxiety quite badly, so our new living situation suits us both - she runs my household, she doesn't have to work. I love working, I get to work!

I will pay for everything. 

I don't wish to "earn" an interest in the house by paying bills. But we would look at earning an interest if I save up and extend. But at the same time I need mum to end up with enough money in a few years, she can't be shortchanged. Solicitor hasn't really had any worthwhile advice and that its down to us to decide how that works. As an example, if I build an extension I can't also save up for a deposit but I know that I can use the value increase as a deposit. But it would need to not downgrade mums interest in the house. If I spend 60k, and it only increases the value by 20k - do I have 60k interest or 20k. I would prefer it to be 20k because the value my mum is going to provide me is worth it, she's going to provide me with the equiv of £1400 a month in childcare, the ability to be secure and not have to rent.

But I also need to be practical for the future. I hope that makes sense? I just can't get my head around it. I'd like a clear idea of what I should or shouldn't do. At the end of the day it is her house.

She's talked about, well what if I need to go on the deeds earlier for whatever reason etc and I really don't care as long as she doesn't lose out (shes 56)

Waffle over

Brie

If your mom owns this house and the sells in 6 years or whenever then to me that's her selling at the price it's valued at at that point.  If she doesn't do this then needs eventually to have care provided to her she might be accused of deprivation of assets if the house is sold at a lower than market amount.  This is particularly crucial if she sells to you.

My suggestion would be that you get a joint account with mom and use that for paying bills that you are both paying for.  Potentially if she is not working and you are you may wish to put in the same amount you pay now for rent and bills so that there is something you both can easily agree on.  But presumably she will have some money coming in eventually.  Maybe a pension in a few years?  It would be sensible that she has her own income stream, and preferably before her state pension kicks in at 67 or whenever.  

Then you need to agree what happens with any home improvements.  You say there's a lot of work but are planning on moving in soon.  So the work won't be done by then and will need to be worked at around the family.  Again - you could agree how you (presumably) will pay for the work, agree a price for things (get quotes, save invoices) and keep a clear record of what you have paid and when.  Agree a way to inflation proof this - maybe us the BoE rates?  So you'll need to track those as well.  

When mom decides to sell (presumably to you) then you can find out the market price and deduct from that the calculated inflation proofed improvements amount and that would be the amount mom gets to move on to her own place.  

An alternative is that the renovations include building a "granny annex" of some sort so that you and the kids and pets can have your space and mom has hers.  You don't know what life will be like for her in 10 years time so it may be helpful to build in a care aspect to support her.

But, crucially, talk to her about it and document whatever you agree on.

Spendless

What's the house like in regard to how many bedrooms, or rooms that can be used as bedrooms? Just thinking with an 11 year + gap between siblings that needs taking into account, because what will suit for the next year or two could become problematic alter on. That answer may go some way towards answering if the improvements will need to include an extension at this stage. 

jbkmum

Spendless said:

What's the house like in regard to how many bedrooms, or rooms that can be used as bedrooms? Just thinking with an 11 year + gap between siblings that needs taking into account, because what will suit for the next year or two could become problematic alter on. That answer may go some way towards answering if the improvements will need to include an extension at this stage. 

Here we go! Must easier than me explaining it badly.... Conservatory is actually joined to next doors, its weird, share the same roof there is glass between the two which is only covered by blinds. Garden is not big at all, its small. The extension once garage has been demolished would have to be slightly narrower if I was to go two storey, and I would extend it towards the back of the kitchen but no further. I would also probably extend round the front of the house to create a longer extension and a porch.

Baby can live with me for the first year, my son had his own room from 6 months but rarely was in it.

jbkmum

Brie said:

If your mom owns this house and the sells in 6 years or whenever then to me that's her selling at the price it's valued at at that point.  If she doesn't do this then needs eventually to have care provided to her she might be accused of deprivation of assets if the house is sold at a lower than market amount.  This is particularly crucial if she sells to you.

We understand that and know that if it happened I would have to stump up the extra cash be it remortgage or pay for care

Spendless

Is making the living or dining room a bedroom instead possible and either using the conservatory for an eating space or a table in the kitchen. This is what we did when I was little. Me and my Mum (single parent) shared a downstairs room used as a bedroom. There was a table in the kitchen and the living room kept it's purpose.

jbkmum

Spendless said:

Is making the living or dining room a bedroom instead possible and either using the conservatory for an eating space or a table in the kitchen. This is what we did when I was little. Me and my Mum (single parent) shared a downstairs room used as a bedroom. There was a table in the kitchen and the living room kept it's purpose.

Conservatory is not really worth being called that. Floorplan is deceptive, its probably half that size, I'll most likely use it to work in. 

Living room could be a bedroom, but the doors are weird. Sliding double doors to living room, from front door you'd have to go kitchen to dining room to living room. I'm not sure its ideal as we're moving with dogs. But it is an option, just last resort option. My mum would hate it if the dogs got on the bed, at the moment they can't go upstairs so that's the idea for new house. Baby can quite easily live with me anyway upstairs. My son was getting in bed with me for many years so I Just gave up in the end! I did suggest front room as a bedroom, but she'd rather convert the garage or loft and add a dormer

thegreenone

My thought would be to extend the garage/store to as far as allowed in the front and create a bedroom for your Mum.  Her own bathroom next door.   This would give you and your children a bedroom each and your bathroom upstairs.  Make sure the work is done properly, to comply with all regs. for the future.  

As your Mum will have been looking after your little one all day, she should have her own quiet space in the evening (lounge) to watch her TV shows, have friends around, knit, game(!) - private space.  No toys, no interruptions unless it's you with a cup of tea or glass of wine.

You and the children have the Dining Room and Conservatory.

Unless the garage needs to be demolished and an extension rebuilt, I really don't see why you would need a two-storey extension.  In six years' time, your 11-year-old may be looking at going to uni.  and will return for holidays and afterwards, but I don't think you need to overspend on big extensions.  Make it a home now.

jbkmum

thegreenone said:

My thought would be to extend the garage/store to as far as allowed in the front and create a bedroom for your Mum.  Her own bathroom next door.   This would give you and your children a bedroom each and your bathroom upstairs.  Make sure the work is done properly, to comply with all regs. for the future.  

As your Mum will have been looking after your little one all day, she should have her own quiet space in the evening (lounge) to watch her TV shows, have friends around, knit, game(!) - private space.  No toys, no interruptions unless it's you with a cup of tea or glass of wine.

You and the children have the Dining Room and Conservatory.

Unless the garage needs to be demolished and an extension rebuilt, I really don't see why you would need a two-storey extension.  In six years' time, your 11-year-old may be looking at going to uni.  and will return for holidays and afterwards, but I don't think you need to overspend on big extensions.  Make it a home now.

Ive spoken to a couple of builders who suggested that the way the garage will have been built is very unlikely to be up to regulations with footings that wouldn’t pass inspection now. However, it could be converted to a living space for mum without knocking it down, but we’d lose access to the back garden from the front. That’s an issue because of the dogs.  But then again, it seems like there is no perfect solution that doesn’t require lots of money so we might have to find a make do solution.

sheramber

How were you thinking of extending the house?

What would it cost to demolish the garage and rebuild as a bedroom?  You can still have a hall for access from the kitchen to the back garden.

Is your house built to the boundary at the side of the garage?

We  built a bedroom over our garage by putting up a new external wall to the garage which had foundations to support the extension.

jbkmum

sheramber said:

How were you thinking of extending the house?

What would it cost to demolish the garage and rebuild as a bedroom?  You can still have a hall for access from the kitchen to the back garden.

Is your house built to the boundary at the side of the garage?

We  built a bedroom over our garage by putting up a new external wall to the garage which had foundations to support the extension.

Yep garage is the boundary. Additionally next doors roof overhangs quite a bit so for two storey we'd have to narrow the width.

Did you knock the existing external wall down?

I have an endgame and that's two storeys - a downstairs office, bathroom/wet room for the dogs and upstairs a bedroom with a small ensuite. I'd extend round the front so, extend the footprint out and around to the front door. I'd extend backwards slightly but only by a metre to have a door out of the kitchen 

Not costed anything yet. I was concerned about "wasting" money turning garage into a bedroom for mum but then if it's going to take me a few years to get round to a proper extension maybe it isn't a waste