Friendship issue

Cat_Loving_Lady

74jax said:

If you have both been fine up to two weeks ago even, and the only issue is she won't add you on social media, I'd honestly just carry on as normal.

74jax said:

If you have both been fine up to two weeks ago even, and the only issue is she won't add you on social media, I'd honestly just carry on as normal.

For me it is the comment that was made when i asked why "even nice people can turn" that's why she hasn't added me so obviously there is a trust issue there. That's why I'm now questioning how she sees me and hence the friendship. 

coconutcurls

Not a real friend, she is probably a taker that like to use people for her convinience. 
Go silent and if she reaches out go cold. 
If she questions anything - say you are busy with your life until she gets the memo

sheramber

Do you have to a 'friend 'on social media to be a friend? 

She sounds more like a colleague. 

Having moved departments doesn't make you 'ex staff'.

cymruchris

Cat_Loving_Lady said:

74jax said:

If you have both been fine up to two weeks ago even, and the only issue is she won't add you on social media, I'd honestly just carry on as normal.

74jax said:

If you have both been fine up to two weeks ago even, and the only issue is she won't add you on social media, I'd honestly just carry on as normal.

For me it is the comment that was made when i asked why "even nice people can turn" that's why she hasn't added me so obviously there is a trust issue there. That's why I'm now questioning how she sees me and hence the friendship. 

It's not a trust issue. She has stated 'no work colleagues on my social media' - and that's her preference/boundary. Whether there are ex-colleagues on there isn't an issue - they are ex-colleagues, not current colleagues. She has every right to a private life - and has probably decided that by keeping work and social media separate, there won't be any potential issues around what's said on social media being misused/misinterpreted by any work colleagues. If she 'added you' then someone else would say 'well you added so-and-so - and she still works here - so why won't you add me?'. It's a simple blanket ban for everyone they work with. No preferential treatment for anyone. That's not about friendship - that's about personal choice and boundaries. Respect it, carry on with your friendship as normal. Once you leave, and become an ex-colleague, I'm sure she'll allow you to join. Until then, keep the friendship as it always was, and don't let something as ridiculous as facebook spoil it. 

Cat_Loving_Lady

sheramber said:

Do you have to a 'friend 'on social media to be a friend? 

She sounds more like a colleague. 

Having moved departments doesn't make you 'ex staff'.

No not at all, I dont expect that but when someone is messaging you alot and calling you alot and saying how they've made a good friend in you but then later saying they don't connect on social media with work people  (which I know isnt true) it is sending me confusing messages.

I think I saw it more of a friendship than she did and to her I am obviously just a colleague but she can't have her cake and eat it. If I'm just a colleague then we should remain just that. 

Cat_Loving_Lady

cymruchris said:

Cat_Loving_Lady said:

74jax said:

If you have both been fine up to two weeks ago even, and the only issue is she won't add you on social media, I'd honestly just carry on as normal.

74jax said:

If you have both been fine up to two weeks ago even, and the only issue is she won't add you on social media, I'd honestly just carry on as normal.

For me it is the comment that was made when i asked why "even nice people can turn" that's why she hasn't added me so obviously there is a trust issue there. That's why I'm now questioning how she sees me and hence the friendship. 

It's not a trust issue. She has stated 'no work colleagues on my social media' - and that's her preference/boundary. Whether there are ex-colleagues on there isn't an issue - they are ex-colleagues, not current colleagues. She has every right to a private life - and has probably decided that by keeping work and social media separate, there won't be any potential issues around what's said on social media being misused/misinterpreted by any work colleagues. If she 'added you' then someone else would say 'well you added so-and-so - and she still works here - so why won't you add me?'. It's a simple blanket ban for everyone they work with. No preferential treatment for anyone. That's not about friendship - that's about personal choice and boundaries. Respect it, carry on with your friendship as normal. Once you leave, and become an ex-colleague, I'm sure she'll allow you to join. Until then, keep the friendship as it always was, and don't let something as ridiculous as facebook spoil it. 

Hi sorry think I've not written it correctly when I say ex colleagues i mean her ex staff who still work at the company so are in the same position as me. Still work there but not in the same department. That's what is confusing me. 

I am happy to respect boundaries if my own are respected as well. 

Pollycat

She could be resentful that you are now both on the same grade.
She could be a user who took advantage of you to get herself up to speed.
Whatever it is, she's been very clear about what she wants.
Forget her and move on.
And be super -professional when you have work contact.

kimwp

It sounds like you have a lovely work friendship, I really wouldn't worry about not being friends on social media. It might be that she's "friends" with other staff on social media and one have them has "turned" and that's made her wary, but she can't unfriend everyone because they might take offence. Just enjoy the friendship that you have. 

TBagpuss

She's made her position clear - she doesn't want to be 'friends' on social media. That's a perfectly reasonableboundary and even if she is onconsistetn in how she treats people that she's worked with that's up to her.

It soundsas though for her, this was more f a situational friendship becuase you were working closely together, and for you, it was / felt like more than that.

It's alasy upsetting to feel that you've put more into a friendship than the other person but you can't change them, and it doesn't sound as thougheither of you has done anything wrong or behved badly.

I suggest that you are freindly and professional with her within a work setting but mentally put her bak in the 'coworkers' box rather than the 'friends' one.

It's likely that this is not about you t all. It may be that she opened up to you more than she would normally to a coworker because of lockdown or whatever else was happening in her life, andnow feels she needs to step back.
It may be that she has recently had a bad experience with someone else who she got frienly woth and her comment was about that , not you.
It may be that by getting the new job you've changed position and she isn't comfortable with you being her peer rather than her being more senior.

You're probably never going to know for sure, but it sounds as though she is willing to b professional at work, so just do the same and accept that the friendship outside of work has run its course. 
 

Cat_Loving_Lady

Quick update we attended the works event this week but didn't manage to catch up. No avoidance just didn't manage to as split into groups. 
I messaged her to ask if I could speak to her and she said she would call. She never called but messaged to say no issues and everything was good.
Flummoxed what to make of that really. 
Think it's telling me politely she's not interested.