Friendship issue

Cat_Loving_Lady

I became very friendly with my line manager throughout Covid as she was new to the department and I helped and supported her alot. We are the same age and have children the same age. 8 months ago i was promoted to the same position as her but I another department so she was no longer my line manager. We maintained contact and continued to support each other regularly both in work and over messages and phone calls.  I believed it to be a friendship as she often initiated contact and often about personal issues. She always said she wouldn't add staff on social media which I understood at the time however she did have alot of ex staff as friends. When I left i assumed we would connect in this way however she ignored my friend request. I recently asked her why and she very coldly said work/social media don't mix and although people can seem nice they can turn. I found this to be very hurtful. I also know this isn't true as she has alot of work colleagues as friends.
She does very often blow hot and cold like alot of messages then nothing. I've accepted this is hoe she is.
Yes it is important to have boundaries but she hasn't considered my own by sending me Confusing messages.
I really dont know now if I should just cut my losses and allow the relationship to go. 
We both work for a large bank and have a conference to attend next week so could be awkward.
Any suggestions. 

HampshireH

If you have left you could point that out but she doesn't sound like much of a friend.

Sounds like she wanted to be friends whilst it was convenient for her

I'd cut my losses but then I've done this before to people whom viewed me as convenient so I'm well versed in getting over it. 

Have a very small group of friends and a bigger group of colleagues whom I get on well 

MovingForwards

Move on and put her 'friendship' behind you, she's not interested in maintaining it.

Cat_Loving_Lady

HampshireH said:

If you have left you could point that out but she doesn't sound like much of a friend.

Sounds like she wanted to be friends whilst it was convenient for her

I'd cut my losses but then I've done this before to people whom viewed me as convenient so I'm well versed in getting over it. 

Have a very small group of friends and a bigger group of colleagues whom I get on well 

I still work in the same company so we will interact work wise but fairly limited

74jax

Are you in LinkedIn? I connect with colleagues on there so you could connect that way as its a professional platform. 

If you want to contact her personally, you have her number so drop her a message etc, it doesn't have to be on Facebook.  In fact it can be false through Facebook if you only ever 'like' things etc but never actually message to see how each other is etc.

I don't think you need cut your losses or feel bad, just every now and again drop a message, ask to meet up for a coffee for a catch up etc, all in message/person, not on Facebook. 

HampshireH

Cat_Loving_Lady said:

HampshireH said:

If you have left you could point that out but she doesn't sound like much of a friend.

Sounds like she wanted to be friends whilst it was convenient for her

I'd cut my losses but then I've done this before to people whom viewed me as convenient so I'm well versed in getting over it. 

Have a very small group of friends and a bigger group of colleagues whom I get on well 

I still work in the same company so we will interact work wise but fairly limited

Apologies, I did read that then it bypassed me when I replied.

I wouldn't contact her again. Leave it till you bump into each other and keep it cordial/friendly.

No doubt she will move onto the next office person and also probably has a history of it too if that's her preference.

It's not nice to hear but she has set her boundaries quite firmly

ironlady2022

I wouldn't push it. Keep it civil at work. Clearly she's not as invested in the friendship like you. 

MalMonroe

Sadly, some people are just like that. She's made it clear that she doesn't want to pursue the friendship in the same way you do. It isn't you, it's her. I've known people like that in the past, too. Not just at work - but sometimes people let you down when you feel that you have a good friendship. 

I'd have to let it go. Friendships are supposed to be supportive, not hurtful. A few years ago I had to let one of my friendships go because I found that every time I met up with that person, I left feeling very depressed and upset. I'd known her for 20 years - it took me that long to realise I'd been used for all those years. 

It does sound as if this woman took advantage of your kind and helpful nature when you first met at work. Now you're at the same level, she doesn't need you.  You're better off without 'friends' like that and you really do deserve better. Let her go. Nobody needs - or wants - friends who blow hot and cold.

london21

When people show you who they are, believe them. Move on. Friendship is 2 people deciding they want to be friends. 

Cat_Loving_Lady

Thank you for comments.
Just seems incredibly confusing one minute acting like good friend messaging me lots and calling me (even up to 2 weeks ago) telling me about stuff she's seen or looking at on social media  befriending others who were previously her staff  yet doesn't want to connect with me in that way. 
Feels very odd and incongruous behaviour to me. 
I'm going to cease all contact apart from work wise where will remain cordial.

74jax

If you have both been fine up to two weeks ago even, and the only issue is she won't add you on social media, I'd honestly just carry on as normal.