Feeling guilty for thinking of getting a dog

MikeL93

I am due to complete on my first house very soon and will be moving out of the family home and living on my own. Whilst I am excited I am dreading the thought of not seeing the family dog every day, I have spoken with a few people including family and friends and knowing my love of dogs they all say they expect me to get a dog at some point after I am moved in and settled. Whilst I do like the idea of having another dog (there are currently three in my family, me and my parents have got one and both my sisters got one each when they moved out) I know I feel guilty for thinking of getting a dog, it's as though I am replacing the dog who currently lives with me and my mum and dad.

I have spoken to my mum and dad and we have agreed he will stay with me a few times a week and I am having him for two weeks when they go on holiday in November but I know I'll feel lonely when he's not there and seeing him a few times a week won't be enough.

As I say I am a huge dog lover, the dog we have now is our third dog I have had in my life. I have always been surrounded by them and the love and joy they bring. It won't be anytime soon I seriously consider getting a dog but I imagine around this time next year I'll seriously start thinking about it once I am fully settled in my house with paying bills etc and have saved up enough money.

MatyMoo

Completely understand how you feel but do think about a few things first
- how long will you be out the house each day
- can you factor a dog walker in to the budget if need be
- what will your parents do for holiday cover if your new dog & the family dog don’t get on (it happened to us 😣)
- it’s not just buying the dog, grooming costs, vet fees need thinking about

coffee_cake

How about borrowing someone else's, either just for walks, or when the owner is on holiday etc

https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/

I'm not a member of that myself but its a really good idea.

Robin9

When I first read this I thought you were getting a dog to live in your new home and I was mortified. 

Not quite so mortified but getting a dog for it to live with your mum and dad and expecting them to look after it  - what a cheek.

And what happens when your mum and dad go on holiday in November -  are you staying at home to be with the dog  or leaving the poor soul on its own all day long.

No  - wait until you have a family 

pjcox2005

Robin9 said:

When I first read this I thought you were getting a dog to live in your new home and I was mortified. 

Not quite so mortified but getting a dog for it to live with your mum and dad and expecting them to look after it  - what a cheek.

And what happens when your mum and dad go on holiday in November -  are you staying at home to be with the dog  or leaving the poor soul on its own all day long.

No  - wait until you have a family 

I'm really confused, why can't single people have a dog? They could be home all day or have a job that they can travel around with them. Or they just use correct support with dog walkers etc.

I get title is a little misleading with feeling guilty but nothing else in their post suggests they wouldn't be a good dog owner.

Robin9

pjcox2005 said:

Robin9 said:

When I first read this I thought you were getting a dog to live in your new home and I was mortified. 

Not quite so mortified but getting a dog for it to live with your mum and dad and expecting them to look after it  - what a cheek.

And what happens when your mum and dad go on holiday in November -  are you staying at home to be with the dog  or leaving the poor soul on its own all day long.

No  - wait until you have a family 

I'm really confused, why can't single people have a dog? They could be home all day or have a job that they can travel around with them. Or they just use correct support with dog walkers etc.

I get title is a little misleading with feeling guilty but nothing else in their post suggests they wouldn't be a good dog owner.

No objection to single people having a dog in the situations you quote - working at home, dog walkers, travel with them -  but please, please not in the situation where the dog is left on its own for 10 hours a day.

sammyjammy

Robin9 said:

pjcox2005 said:

Robin9 said:

When I first read this I thought you were getting a dog to live in your new home and I was mortified. 

Not quite so mortified but getting a dog for it to live with your mum and dad and expecting them to look after it  - what a cheek.

And what happens when your mum and dad go on holiday in November -  are you staying at home to be with the dog  or leaving the poor soul on its own all day long.

No  - wait until you have a family 

I'm really confused, why can't single people have a dog? They could be home all day or have a job that they can travel around with them. Or they just use correct support with dog walkers etc.

I get title is a little misleading with feeling guilty but nothing else in their post suggests they wouldn't be a good dog owner.

No objection to single people having a dog in the situations you quote - working at home, dog walkers, travel with them -  but please, please not in the situation where the dog is left on its own for 10 hours a day.

Where does it say the OP is planning on leaving the dog for 10 hours a day?  

@OP take care of the family dog as and when you can and when you are settled after a period of time you can consider a dog of your own.  It doesn't have to replace existing dog, if you chose carefully I am sure they will be best buddies.

When the time comes please consider adopting a rescue, there are so many unwanted dogs and puppies.

tripled

Robin9 said:

When I first read this I thought you were getting a dog to live in your new home and I was mortified. 

Not quite so mortified but getting a dog for it to live with your mum and dad and expecting them to look after it  - what a cheek.

And what happens when your mum and dad go on holiday in November -  are you staying at home to be with the dog  or leaving the poor soul on its own all day long.

No  - wait until you have a family 

I think you've quite spectacularly misunderstood the post and jumped to conclusions. The OP will be having the family dog over and looking after it in November when their mum and dad go on holiday.

The OP might be thinking of getting a dog of their own, but "It won't be anytime soon". The OP seems quite sensible in waiting until they are settled and have the finances in place to care for a dog properly. There is nothing in the OPs post to suggest they can't care for a dog or won't be there for it. Perhaps you can share what you know of their personal circumstances that we don't?

OP, you won't be replacing the family dog. When you do get a new dog it will be your close companion, but that doesn't mean that you will stop loving your family dog. I'm sure if your family dog could talk it would want you to be happy. It's ok and you shouldn't feel guilty.

sheramber

No reason you can't have a dog as long as you are prepared to adjust your life around the dog's needs.

that can mean not accepting invitations to go out in the evenings/weekends.

Carefully consider the coasts involved- food, dog walkers,training,  kennels for holidays if needed, vet fees, insurance,  grooming ( depending on the breed)

You haven't said what your working position is and whether it can accommodate in your life.

Being totally responsible for a dog is vey different from sharing one your parents own and trained and pay the bills for.

TripleH

Get a cat, it's just like having a dog except if you replace affection with contempt and loyalty with 'who can I exploit now'.

Looking after your parents dog is a good way to trial if your home is suitable for one and also if you enjoy life without a dog.

Friends of ours lost their dog a few years ago but haven't replaced her as whilst they still love dogs and look after his parents' dog, they do enjoy the extra freedom granted from not having a dog permanently. (His parents got their dog as they missed looking after their sons').

MikeL93

I'll post a new comment here rather than replying individually. I have factored many different things into whether or not I can look after a dog on my own. Firstly I work from home 4 days a week, the only day that I am in the office I leave at 8:30am and am home around 2:30pm to make sure that my dog isn't home alone all day as my parents are out. When I am working from home I schedule walks into my day so I will either take him for a walk first thing in the morning before work if the weather is too hot or I will take him as part of my lunch break if the weather is cool enough.

As I have had dogs all my life I know and am used to scheduling my life around looking after dogs. If I ever went on holiday with my friends I would make sure my holidays didn't clash with my parent's holidays so that someone would always be able to stay at home with the dogs. And even at times me and my girlfriend have gone away for the weekend we have booked dog friendly places so we can take him with us and loved it.

As for the costs we save money on dog grooming as I cut my dogs hair myself and myself and parents take it in turns paying for food as and when it is needed. Admittedly there will be more costs when I am living alone but as I said I want to get settled in my own house first and in the roll of getting used to paying bills before I consider thinking about getting a dog.

The main issue I am having is my own internal feelings of guilt.