Tired Deflated Tortoise

Futurestarter2022

After over a decade of reading other peoples diary I’ve decided I need one for myself.  I’m 45 years old and I don’t really seem to have achieved anything with my life. This realisation is hitting me really hard at the moment. I’ve never owned any property and I would desperately love the opportunity to. I’m feeling really tired, I’ve been working 2 jobs for over 9 months now which equal 50+ hours every week and no days off and I’m in no way better off than when I started. 

I’ve 3 daughters living at home with me who to be quite honest are spoilt brats. I don’t know how to change their attitudes and they seem to be ruling the roost at the moment.  It probably seems easy to anyone who might be reading this to think well just say no but it’s not always that easy.  I also have too many animals which are a huge financial drain but I cannot consider parting with any of them, I love them all too much and they at least love me back without any expectations or tantrums.  And to top it all my house is a constant mess and is really getting me down. 

All of that before I even start on my debts   I owe £13,000 and the repayments are so high. My credit score is rubbish.  I need to find ways to cut back and save money.  My money saving ideas are as follows :

- take lunch to work every day, starting from tomorrow 
- say no a lot more to the girls (not going to be easy and will anticipate huge battles here) 
- keep a spending diary on here with absolute brutal honesty 
- pick a debt to focus on and target it until It’s paid off then choose another
- stop buying anything that isn’t an absolute necessity 
- see if I have anything I can sell 
- challenge myself to having NSDs

- not money saving but I’d also like to clear the house of clutter so am going to keep account of how many items I can clear. My first target is going to be 25 items by the end of this month. 

Debts are currently:

Aqua credit card £2620.01
Barclaycard £351.68
Fluid credit card £2548.75
Capital one cc1 £72.95
Capital one cc2 £408.16
Virgin credit card £2906.18
AO Finance £421.81
Very £807.58
Paypal credit £3037.51
Salary finance £6761.20

total : £19,935.83

This is £7,000 more than I thought. I have no idea how I’ll ever get out of this mess. I think I really needed to get this off of my chest.  

elsien

Welcome and good luck in your journey. 

There is a decluttering thread in old style which you might find helpful - they got me going with sorting out the clutter in my house. 

Chrystal

You've made a good start by coming on here.  I'm sure you'll get loads of support and ideas from people who've been in similar situations to you and have managed, or are managing, to come out the other side.... even having ideas on how to manage the spoilt brats One thing I will say is don't think about changing their THEIR attitude at this time... it's changing yours that is important ie learning how to say no and sticking to it..How old are they?

Just know that you're not on your own, and it's suprising what can be achieved when you set your mind to it.  (((hugs)))

Amber1980

Hi there just wanted to say well done for starting a diary and I am with you on having too many animals,my husband went through a stage of surprising me with animals he wanted, and I absolutely adore them but never want to be this tied again!! They also cost a fortune to keep!

I have also been in and out of debt my whole adult life and I’m now 41 and wondering where the years have gone and worrying about my future!
 I was lucky that I got on the property ladder young, and it’s been difficult at times but I’ve managed to keep hold of the house, but that’s the only good financial decision I have made!
How old are your girls? I haven’t got kids,out of choice.
 I know what you mean about decluttering,it definitely makes you feel better and more in control,it’s difficult as you see all the things you have bought but having them hang around the house only reminds you of the wasted money and you need to be kind to yourself through this journey and take a day at a time and not fall off the wagon when you slip up occasionally.Best of luck and I’ll be cheering you on!😊

Honeysucklelou2

Another one on a decluttering mission here...well done on getting the figures all written down. That’s the first step. I’ve found it helpful to use 100 square sheets to colour in every time I pay 1% off or an app called debt manager which shows everything visually in charts so you can see the balances reducing every time you make a payment.

theoretica

As others have asked, how old are the girls?  I am thinking you might look for ways to not (just) say no to them, but disguise it as saying yes to something else.  For example giving them control of an age and family appropriate amount of money and then responding to their requests into a discussion of how to fit whatever is being requested into their own budget...  Learning about financial problems and budgeting is a valuable lesson for them to learn.

Futurestarter2022

Thank you everyone for your replies.  The girls are 16, 14 and 7.  16 year old has a job and in complete fairness is very good with her money. But her attitude stinks and we are at the point where it’s now causing problems at work (we work together).  

Yesterday I spent £16 in Aldi on essentials, £10 fuel and £25 put on the electric key.  This morning I’ve spent £9.45 so far on a trip to soft play for the youngest.  Not a necessary spend at all but I had promised her before I started this diary as I’m usually working today but as I’m off I told her we could do something together just the two of us.  I think I will need more fuel later as the £10 didn’t really even register on my fuel gauge.  Tomorrow should be a no spend day though but I’m going out with 2 of my older ones and their children but I’m going to try and resist.  I’m going to plan my lunch and dinner tonight to avoid having to impulse purchase whilst out.   

Am going to my OH for the afternoon and he’s cooking me dinner this evening.  I have an assignment due for my course but just can’t find the motivation to start it. Still feeling very overwhelmed with everything. 

savingholmes

Well done for making a start. As others have said if you can find some things to sell to give you a bit of a cushion so you're not constantly adding to your debt that is the first thing. Finding a way to apply the brakes and have a small emergency fund.

Chrystal

Spending 1 on 1 time with the little one needn't involve spending money you don't have.  A picnic in the park can be a lovely way to spend time together.  XX

MagicCat

Hi futurestarter2022, I can really relate to a lot of what you say, particularly about the clutter - it becomes so overwhelming and it's hard to know where to start!

It sounds from the outside that you have an awful lot to deal with - 3 children, runnings a home, 2 jobs, studying for a course - and no days off, it's really not easy for you.

 One thing I'm finding at the moment it it's really important to acknowledge all the things you're doing well with, or even just coping with ok, as well as identifying what you want to change, otherwise it just becomes too much! Wishing you all the best on your journey, will follow along.

Squirrelz92

Hello and congrats on your fresh new diary! I am rooting for you and have bookmarked
We all have to start somewhere so don't feel ashamed. Hold that head up and be proud that you have made the first step in taking back control of your finances! Once your mindset starts to change, you will be amazed at how that rubs off on your children Don't go all guns blazing all at once as it takes time to find methods that work perfectly for you. Personally I found writing up an SOA a godsend and I also worship the banks that allow you to have 'pots' for all your different bills/spending habits etc. Really helps you budget! 

Best of luck in your journey and I shall be cheering you on!!! xx