Pooling money with elderly parent to buy a property with an annexe

sugarspunsister

Hello all, my 80+yr old Dad has had some recent changes in circumstances that means he will need daily care and emotional support in the future. I've always anticipated having my Dad live with me when he was older so that is not the issue. I have 3 other siblings, but for various reasons, they're not in a position to be able to live with my Dad.

The problem is that I live in a 2 bed flat with my husband and two children. My Dad has a 4 bed house but I'm really reluctant to move into his house with all his belongings (he doesn't like to get rid of things and the house hasn't been cosmetically updated since the 1990s). 

My siblings don't see things very well from my POV as to their mind there is a 4 bed house ready to accept my family and I could rent my flat and benefit financially from that while living in his house rent free. I've never been motivated by money and I'm finding it hard to express what a loss I'd feel of my independence moving back to my childhood home at the age of 40 with the bare basics of my possessions and tastes around me. I think they see it as me being superficial and maybe it is. Apart from the practicalities, the house holds a lot of sad memories for me.

Anyway, I wondered what the pitfalls might be were Dad and I to pool our financial resources (selling my flat and my Dad's house) and trying to find something with an annexe or at least something big enough so that we don't have to share a sitting room (I'm happy to cook all his meals/share a kitchen but would love a little downstairs space to call my own for our family leisure time). Obviously, I appreciate that when the times comes and my Dad passes - we would have to sell whatever property we were living in so that my siblings can benefit from their share of inheritance (identical 4 way split) but how would my family protect our initial investment assuming that it would grow as the value of the property grows over time?

Is my idea mental? I'm not very savvy and worry that my idea might be laughed at so hoped I could sound it off with some more knowledgeable people on here, first.

housebuyer143

I don't think it's mental. Loads of people sell two houses to buy one. Normally parents and children. 
I suppose you will need to make sure your dad is of sound mind to make these decisions for himself or you have the right power of attorney. 
Then you just sell them, offer and move. Draw up a declaration of trust to protect your shares. Maybe word it so you both get your lump sums back before splitting any profits. 

To add, I completely understand wanting your own space. If your siblings are not happy then they are volunteer to look after him. Don't imagine they will be jumping at the chance to do that.

NameUnavailable

A friend of mine did the same, sold their and their fathers properties to buy one with space for both to live in, although there was no other family to consider.

The move caused both of them much stress and I don't think the father ever felt at home in the new house (sadly passed since). OTOH my friend wouldn't have really been able to accommodate him otherwise and he lived too far away for share the old house. There were some issues about having to gift money and other legalities regarding the arrangements, and solicitors for each party raising lots of qeuries beyond a normal sale/purchase.

I think if you are going to do this you need to get something legal drawn up with the other benficiaries to the will. How quickly would you be expected by your siblings to sell the new home and move again when your father passes on? What about the costs? The share of any increase in value in the new property? How would you allow for any funds you need to put into the new place? What proportion of day to day costs would your father pay (council tax, bills, upkeep of the property) etc. etc. You also need to consider what would happen if your father had to go into care at some point (costs usually being set against their assets).

elsien

Have you had the discussion with dad, or are you testing the idea before broaching it with him? 

If he doesn’t like getting rid of things, and he’s needing to downsize to a smaller house/annexe, that could a huge barrier for him. 
Also consider whether he’s likely to respect your space if there’s nothing self contained. I completely get your wish for a family space, but I’m also fairly sure my parent would be in and out of a second sitting room like a yo-yo if she thought she was missing out. 

Otherwise, proper legal advice to cover all the what ifs. It’s less about the beneficiaries (because if he needs care in the future there may not be much left to benefit from) but you do need to think about the worst case scenarios. From him needing full time care, to you having a huge fall out and him wanting his money back. For example. 

Weathergirl_76

I don’t have any advice to give, but there are lots of knowledgeable people on these boards to point you in the right direction. I too totally understand about wanting your own space. 

My friend purchased a bigger house so her father could move in with them. He had his own bedroom with a bathroom to himself and a small lounge. He joined the family at mealtimes and loved having the grandkids around. When it got too much he used to go and watch TV in his lounge!

PollyWollyDoodle

Please consider the ‘what if’ scenarios. It doesn’t matter how improbable they seem: what if you and your partner split up and he wanted his money out. What if something happened to you and you could no longer look after your dad - would your partner take on caring for him?  What if your dad needs to move into residential care?  

Keep_pedalling

PollyWollyDoodle said:

Please consider the ‘what if’ scenarios. It doesn’t matter how improbable they seem: what if you and your partner split up and he wanted his money out. What if something happened to you and you could no longer look after your dad - would your partner take on caring for him?  What if your dad needs to move into residential care?  

I have to agree, tying your selves together financially with a single property is fraught with difficulties, and this can put great strains on your relationships with your husbands and children. This is something I refused to do with my mother and will not do to my own children.

A better alternative my be for him to look for sheltered housing or assisted living close to you.

Alfrescodave

There are many scenarios that you haven't mentioned (or thought about ?). The largest being who would provide your father with day to day care if his health deteriorated. As previously mentioned perhaps you should be seriously considering sheltered housing or even residential care. 

This is not your decision to make but one for the whole family, siblings and your father,as consequences could affect you all.

youth_leader

My neighbour opposite is 80, and his health has started to suffer, I've just found out he has just developed atrial fibrillation. He's had a stairlift put in, as well as a wet room.  Could your Dad stay in his own home, with carers coming in? Is he eligible for Attendance Allowance? Has he got enough savings to go into assisted living now, or would he need a nursing home?  

My Mum sold up and put all her  money into buying a three storey house with my brother and SIL and their children, she had the two rooms downstairs and shared the kitchen.  In her case it was a disaster and sadly she only lived for one year after all the upheaval, she was sad to have to declutter so many of her possessions.