In home elderly care - how does it work and who pays?

elsien

lisyloo said:

HRH_MUngo said:

My friend cancelled her carers after six weeks because she would have had to pay.  She said they didn't do anything anyway.  Don't know how true that is.

(I think they probably didn't do what she wanted them to, such as ordering her online shop).

From one point of view they are essential for medication, fluid etc and generally  keeping an eye on someone but it’s true they often don’t do much, for example if client says they don’t fancy a shower then that’s it the carer will accept a no straightaway whereas in a decent care home people will be heavily persuaded into it. I’m not a saying they don’t care but they are under heavy time pressure often.
my FIL got pretty filthy and had thrush etc from not washing.
but sometimes it’s still the best option if family can’t be on hand all the time.

local authority is very much a safety net and last resort. It’s quite far off any ideal.

Neither setting can force someone to have a shower if they don’t want one. The difference in a care home is that staff have got all day to go back and try again, or see if the person is more amenable at a different time of day, or with a different staff face if that will help. Home carers on a half hour visit just don’t have the time to do that. 

JGB1955

We employed a living-in carer for my father (he was always going to be self-funding).  They worked for 8 hours in every 24.... so there was always 16 hours when he wasn't supervised in his own house.  Some of the carers would be met by their friends and go off clubbing for the night. Fair enough (or is it?) - I had already decided it wasn't a job for me.  Things got a bit tricky when I told the LIC that I would be arriving for a couple of days, early morning.  Couldn't get in the house via the back door as it was hissing down, and the door was locked.  After 30 minutes, tried the front door, only to discover the carer still in bed and my father wondering when anyone was going to get him up and dressed for the day... that's where your £1000 per week can be going! 

 Apologies - just needed to get that off my chest....

tooldle

74jax said:

[Deleted User] said:

Only problem I've got is Dad is sticking to his "I paid taxes all my life, I'm not paying for a carer now". Its going to be a tough one because hes SO stubborn.

I'm not sure on the bit in bold. What does the paying his taxes have to do with him not being able to look after himself?

Is he meaning he has always worked? And doesn't like how his body won't do what he wants anymore? I get that, and not sure how to get through to him he isn't as young as he used to be. Is there something in particular he used to do easily, that you can use to show he doesn't have the same body as back then maybe?

My dad used to walk miles and miles a day, as he got older and the cancer took a hold, in his mind he could still do this walking but his body sadly wouldn't let him. Do you think it's similar? 

Does he really not want the help? Is he happy as he is? It may end in a fall or something that means the decision is taken out of his hands, would he be happier that way, so it isn't actually him saying he needs help but someone else? 

I think it more the father feels he has ‘paid into’ the system and should be entitled to free care. Probably does not realise that most who ‘pay in’ also take out far more than they put in. 

OP could you try persuading from the perspective of helping you out? You can’t be there all the time and it would be a great help if …….. etc? My mum was very resistant to suggestions of receiving care, until it actually happened. 

Mojisola

tooldle said:

OP could you try persuading from the perspective of helping you out? You can’t be there all the time and it would be a great help if …….. etc? My mum was very resistant to suggestions of receiving care, until it actually happened. 

From paul's earlier thread, his father is exceptionally stubborn and, even when he needed help, wouldn't accept it.

lr1277

What does your father think of spending a long time in hospital?
My dad hates being in hospital and when he was mobile was always pleading with family to get him home, whatever his condition. In an NHS hospital ward dad hated the lights and the noise effectively 24 hours a day. Though the staff did take very good care of him.
So preventing hospital stays is paramount. Possibly because the longer someone is in hospital, the more likely they are to get an infection and then get a lot worse or die,
So if your father falls and breaks one or more bones, he will be in hospital for weeks or even months as bones take a long time to heal.
From your father’s point of view, the care will be free. From your point of view, you will be visiting him in hospital and his house to make sure it doesn’t get into a state of disrepair.
Edited to add if your father needs to go to hospital, he may not go to his nearest hospital. My dad lives half way between 2 hospitals, but one is much easier to get to than the other. Or he could have been sent to a completely different out of area hospital. My guess is that would depend on their capacity after considering covid patients. When my dad was in hospital earlier this year, he wasn’t allowed any visitors due to covid.
if I want to persuade my dad to do something, I remind him it is a good thing to do as it will prevent returning to the hospital.
Have you got a health and welfare POA setup?
And if your father goes to hospital you will have the “Do not resuscitate” conversation with staff. Suggest you get both these things sorted out with father if you haven’t already.
HTH

Edited to add extra information.

tooldle

Mojisola said:

tooldle said:

OP could you try persuading from the perspective of helping you out? You can’t be there all the time and it would be a great help if …….. etc? My mum was very resistant to suggestions of receiving care, until it actually happened. 

From paul's earlier thread, his father is exceptionally stubborn and, even when he needed help, wouldn't accept it.

Suggesting as another route for the OP to try. Having dealt with my own parent's resistance, i found her to be more open to persuasion when her refusals had a more direct impact on me. Worth a try surely.