Joint Finances - paying for bills

Scorpio33

So currently, I have a bills account and a current account. Salary gets paid to my current account, then I transfer enough money to cover all the bills including food into the bills account. That way, I know I can live and eat, and anything in my current account is for me to enjoy.

However, my girlfriend is now moving in. She has agreed to put in an amount of money each month into the bills account to cover her share of the bills (so the increase in council tax + food, but not the mortgage). 

The issue is, that in doing this, she is unable therefore to pay for the food out of this account as she doesn't have access to it. I don't want to have a joint account (yet) as I don't want to be financially linked (yet), having been burnt in the past (by someone else). But I still think it would be good to have one account with all the bills money in it so that we each can use whats left in our own accounts for our own spends.

The way I see it, there are four options:

1 - I make her an additional card holder on my credit card. That way she has a card for paying for food. Downsides are is that if she goes on a spending spree, I am liable for the spend.

2 - I transfer monies to her anytime she pays for food, so it is still coming out of "our" monies. This does mean regular transfers though, which is a hassle (and not automatic).

3 - I set up a third party mandate on the bills account, giving her the access and use of the joint account. This is only usually used temporarily though I think?

4 - we keep all finances separate, with her paying for the food as her share of the bills.


Does anyone have any opinions on what is best? I am sitting on the fence a bit and I think the easiest option is just to make her an additional card holder on the credit card. There are no trust issues of any sort, we have been together a while and our relationship is good. If things do go south, I can always freeze the additional card. 

Any opinions welcome.

cashless_wonder

We have a joint account for all bills. I then buy the food, book cool things to do, purchase sundries from my current account. All receipts are kept & once a fortnight the other half settles up his "tab" from his current account into mine. 

MovingForwards

5. She transfers less money and does the shopping a couple of times a month.

shiny76

Your girlfriend could get a CC solely for joint expenses, you could then pay it off monthly.  Either by Direct Debit or bank transfer. It would require trust on both sides - but you are going to be living together and wouldn't leave you liable.

shiny76

Scorpio33 said:

1 - I make her an additional card holder on my credit card. That way she has a card for paying for food. Downsides are is that if she goes on a spending spree, I am liable for the spend.

Will your card provider allow them as an additional card holder.  Mine doesn't despite being married over 10 years

pinkshoes

She pays a nominal amount for the increase in CT and bills, then you take it in turns and do the food shop and cooking alternate weeks.

Retireinten

I think I'd go for an amount into the bills account each month to cover the fixed increase in bills and then agree a monthly contribution for joint variable expenses such as food. Your girlfriend records what she pays out each month (via a separate card or from her bank statements) and if she has spent less than the agreed amount she chucks the difference into the bills account, if she has spent more you transfer some to her.

But it also depends on how accurate you want this to be and how you deal with overspends and discretionary spending - fixed cost increases aren't the problem, but you can blow a food budget really easily and it's how you manage conflict over spends that will be key. 

SootySweep1

Hi
I'd suggest a joint account for bills each paying in their agreed amount and keep the rest of your finances separate.

Personally I think it will be a pain trying to track what you've spent from your own money to claim from the bills account. I also think the taking it in turns to buy the groceries could lead to arguments unless you make sure you spend the same amount each week.

Moving in together has risks and you shouldn't do it if you don't trust them a little.

Jen

MalMonroe

I'd rather just live separately because that way, the relationship doesn't go sour. Others may not agree, of course but years of experience have taught me that the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is absolutely 100% true. 

I really don't want to live with a romantic partner ever again. Have a relationship? Yes, sure. Anything else just doesn't work for me. 

You say you trust each other completely but I disagree because if you did, why are you on here asking the opinion of strangers about how your joint financial matters should be organised? 

There's only one person you should be discussing that with, and you know who. 

Also this is a worry -

"she is unable therefore to pay for the food out of this account as she doesn't have access to it. I don't want to have a joint account (yet) as I don't want to be financially linked (yet), having been burnt in the past (by someone else). But I still think it would be good to have one account with all the bills money in it so that we each can use whats left in our own accounts for our own spends".

You are just taking over here. YOU don't want to have a joint account. YOU think it would be good to have one account. What about what your partner wants or doesn't want or thinks or doesn't think??

Nope, that wouldn't do for me. And that's even before she's moved in. 

There needs to be far more talking between the two of you because this really is quite a private matter and it doesn't have anything to do with us on here.

Upcycling_Queen

MalMonroe said:

I'd rather just live separately because that way, the relationship doesn't go sour. Others may not agree, of course but years of experience have taught me that the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is absolutely 100% true. 

I really don't want to live with a romantic partner ever again. Have a relationship? Yes, sure. Anything else just doesn't work for me. 

You say you trust each other completely but I disagree because if you did, why are you on here asking the opinion of strangers about how your joint financial matters should be organised? 

There's only one person you should be discussing that with, and you know who. 

Also this is a worry -

"she is unable therefore to pay for the food out of this account as she doesn't have access to it. I don't want to have a joint account (yet) as I don't want to be financially linked (yet), having been burnt in the past (by someone else). But I still think it would be good to have one account with all the bills money in it so that we each can use whats left in our own accounts for our own spends".

You are just taking over here. YOU don't want to have a joint account. YOU think it would be good to have one account. What about what your partner wants or doesn't want or thinks or doesn't think??

Nope, that wouldn't do for me. And that's even before she's moved in. 

There needs to be far more talking between the two of you because this really is quite a private matter and it doesn't have anything to do with us on here.

I think you are wrong. Lots of people have been burnt. Not me personally but tales of friends who opened accounts together to find the other half betting, using their money to pay off debt. I think the OP is being very sensible. Let’s move in, see how it goes and she can pay half the bills by back…..The OP is asking for advice on his bank account, not relationship advice…….

Scorpio33

MalMonroe said:

I'd rather just live separately because that way, the relationship doesn't go sour. Others may not agree, of course but years of experience have taught me that the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is absolutely 100% true. 

I really don't want to live with a romantic partner ever again. Have a relationship? Yes, sure. Anything else just doesn't work for me. 

You say you trust each other completely but I disagree because if you did, why are you on here asking the opinion of strangers about how your joint financial matters should be organised? 

There's only one person you should be discussing that with, and you know who. 

Also this is a worry -

"she is unable therefore to pay for the food out of this account as she doesn't have access to it. I don't want to have a joint account (yet) as I don't want to be financially linked (yet), having been burnt in the past (by someone else). But I still think it would be good to have one account with all the bills money in it so that we each can use whats left in our own accounts for our own spends".

You are just taking over here. YOU don't want to have a joint account. YOU think it would be good to have one account. What about what your partner wants or doesn't want or thinks or doesn't think??

Nope, that wouldn't do for me. And that's even before she's moved in. 

There needs to be far more talking between the two of you because this really is quite a private matter and it doesn't have anything to do with us on here.

To be fair, she is happy for any arrangement, just trying to think what's easier. We trust each other completely and I think she manages money well.

I just don't want to be financially linked yet as I've gone through a divorce before and I know this relationship is different, but i think you don't fully know someone you live together. After a year or so of living together then maybe we can change things, but for now, I think it's good to get others opinions.