Messed up situation - Help needed

GixerKate

I hope you get everything resolved with your grandparents but have you considered moving out with your wife into a separate home?  Whatever happens you own 50% of this house but right now if you and your wife are deeply unhappy perhaps you need some distance between you and your grandparents.

Slithery

Joel_Goodsen said:

Another situation I didn't think of, what if she said she wanted to live there?

Then she could move in with you. After all she would own half of the property.

You're getting ahead of yourself with all of these 'what-ifs'. If your grandmother ends up needing care there might not be any of her share left for anyone to inherit.

Joel_Goodsen

GixerKate said:

I hope you get everything resolved with your grandparents but have you considered moving out with your wife into a separate home?  Whatever happens you own 50% of this house but right now if you and your wife are deeply unhappy perhaps you need some distance between you and your grandparents.

We thought of this but I wouldn't feel right leaving them on their own and I have already invested over £50,000 improving the property

It is ok for people to say 'don't get ahead of yourself' but these are all real possibilties and I need to be prepared. We always planned to raise a family here and it feels like the rug is being pulled now.

Emmia

Joel_Goodsen said:

GixerKate said:

I hope you get everything resolved with your grandparents but have you considered moving out with your wife into a separate home?  Whatever happens you own 50% of this house but right now if you and your wife are deeply unhappy perhaps you need some distance between you and your grandparents.

We thought of this but I wouldn't feel right leaving them on their own and I have already invested over £50,000 improving the property

It is ok for people to say 'don't get ahead of yourself' but these are all real possibilties and I need to be prepared. We always planned to raise a family here and it feels like the rug is being pulled now.

But they're treating you badly in what is your home too.

I think your options are

to offer to buy the other 50% off them,

to put up with the situation and the uncertainty,

to move out and allow the property to be sold in due course, receiving your 50% (or whatever percentage you have then) at that point.

Schwarzwald

1. Try to resolve the issue with your grandparents directly, but depending on what is causing their change in behavior, this might not work out.
2. Speak to your cousins/other relatives to discuss not only the situation regarding your grandparents, but also regarding the house. Yes you are saying they are toxic, but we can not only assess that, but also: what’s the worst that can happen? Maybe you can find an agreement at least on the house and what would happen in the sad case of your grandparents' passing.
3. Consider and discuss if it were best if your grandparents move into a care home or similar. The close proximity between you might be causing parts of the issue, once the proximity is removed your relationship might improve again.
4. Nobody has been calling it out, but lets put it out there: subject to the cause of the change of the behaviour and depending on how things develop from here, consider guardianship for them. That would also address your concern that the will might be changed on their death bed, and subject to what might be causing their beavior, e.g. Alzheimer and other dementias are known to cause aggressive behavior, it might be even in the best interest of your grandparents. Sounds cold I know.
5. Move into rental and potentially back into the house after their passing.

Ath_Wat

Schwarzwald said:

1. Try to resolve the issue with your grandparents directly, but depending on what is causing their change in behavior, this might not work out.
2. Speak to your cousins/other relatives to discuss not only the situation regarding your grandparents, but also regarding the house. Yes you are saying they are toxic, but we can not only assess that, but also: what’s the worst that can happen? Maybe you can find an agreement at least on the house and what would happen in the sad case of your grandparents' passing.
3. Consider and discuss if it were best if your grandparents move into a care home or similar. The close proximity between you might be causing parts of the issue, once the proximity is removed your relationship might improve again.
4. Nobody has been calling it out, but lets put it out there: subject to the cause of the change of the behaviour and depending on how things develop from here, consider guardianship for them. That would also address your concern that the will might be changed on their death bed, and subject to what might be causing their beavior, e.g. Alzheimer and other dementias are known to cause aggressive behavior, it might be even in the best interest of your grandparents. Sounds cold I know.
5. Move into rental and potentially back into the house after their passing.

I mean, ok, but nothing the OP has said has suggested that the grandparents are not in full possession of their faculties.  Maybe they just don't like his wife.  They don't have to.

elsien

I don't think suggesting the grandparents vacate their home to move into care is particularly going to help with defusing any tensions, when it was their home to start with? 
And unless I've missed that the OP is in Scotland, (capacity aside) guardianship isn't a thing in England/Wales. 

Joel_Goodsen

I've been with my wife for years before she moved in. They have never had any issues.

I appreciate all the responses so far. We have only ever done our best for my Grandparents and literally no one else in the family has ever bothered with them, which is why it hurts. I just wanted to know where I stood, should the worst happen regarding another family member getting 50%, especially if they said they wanted to live there too. That wouldn't work, so I would be curious to how that could be resolved. Not really on speaking terms with my cousins, so that makes it harder to resolve.

elsien

Do you think the issue could be a delayed grief reaction, made worse by your wife now being there and there being somewhat of a perception of her taking your mother's place?
Not that your wife is doing anything wrong, but grief can make people act irrationally at times. 

Joel_Goodsen

elsien said:

Do you think the issue could be a delayed grief reaction, made worse by your wife now being there and there being somewhat of a perception of her taking your mother's place?
Not that your wife is doing anything wrong, but grief can make people act irrationally at times. 

We are all still grieving, so it could well be. Going to try and have a heart to heart again and see what happens. Thank You.