Living with ex

GreenCat80

We separated in October, he’s agreed in principle I can buy his share of the house and continue living here with our 3 children, but I can’t actually get him to take the money or move out.

Anyway, he keeps turning the heating on instead of putting on a jumper (I pay the bills) using the toilet paper I buy (he’s sleeping/using the bathroom in the annex) eating shopping I’ve bought for the kids, helping himself to cake I’ve made, over feeding the cats etc. It’s really, really getting to me and there is nothing I can do is there? (I have tried asking him not to do these things) I feel constantly stressed atm 😔

T.T.D

GreenCat80 said:

We separated in October, he’s agreed in principle I can buy his share of the house and continue living here with our 3 children, but I can’t actually get him to take the money or move out.

Anyway, he keeps turning the heating on instead of putting on a jumper (I pay the bills) using the toilet paper I buy (he’s sleeping/using the bathroom in the annex) eating shopping I’ve bought for the kids, helping himself to cake I’ve made, over feeding the cats etc. It’s really, really getting to me and there is nothing I can do is there? (I have tried asking him not to do these things) I feel constantly stressed atm 😔

He has a right to reside there, and, his mere presence just irritates you no matter what he does or how he acts, this is something your going to need to work on, because everything he does that’s irritating you is just going make you obsess more over it and it’s going to cause long term issues and communication problems and cause you both to dig your heals in over trivial issues.

Are you married/not married? Made divorce applications?

GreenCat80

T.T.D said:

GreenCat80 said:

We separated in October, he’s agreed in principle I can buy his share of the house and continue living here with our 3 children, but I can’t actually get him to take the money or move out.

Anyway, he keeps turning the heating on instead of putting on a jumper (I pay the bills) using the toilet paper I buy (he’s sleeping/using the bathroom in the annex) eating shopping I’ve bought for the kids, helping himself to cake I’ve made, over feeding the cats etc. It’s really, really getting to me and there is nothing I can do is there? (I have tried asking him not to do these things) I feel constantly stressed atm 😔

He has a right to reside there, and, his mere presence just irritates you no matter what he does or how he acts, this is something your going to need to work on, because everything he does that’s irritating you is just going make you obsess more over it and it’s going to cause long term issues and communication problems and cause you both to dig your heals in over trivial issues.

Are you married/not married? Made divorce applications?

We’re not married. His presence does annoy me but I’m being civil and now he is too. But the thing that is bothering me is the money he is costing me while I am on low income and single-handedly supporting 3 kids! I just needed a little vent really, I know there is nothing I can do, it’s just a frustrating situation 

T.T.D

Although he agreed for you to buy him out of his share of the property, can you realistically afford it? 

My best advise is that if you can amicably sit down and talk out the logistics of food, gas, electric and other utilities then is should limit the amount of stress.

You both have children, it would be a good idea to plot out the contact arrangements and child maintenance payments (aside from the above) now, although living together, you both could split the duties 50/50, so the children both get to spend equal time fairly with each parent on a less stressful basis, during which you both get equal down time to de-stress.

My last piece advice then going forward is to see if you can afford to buy him out and solely take the mortgage payments on buy speaking with a financial advisor, if you discover then that you can’t comfortably do it alone, then speak to him about him buying you out.

You should write out a written agreement between you on the food and utilities and who get what or pays towards what and both sign it and copy them for both your records.

Also a written child arrangement of the same order.

Same with the house if you can’t buy him out and he can buy you out, then the house is to be sold.