Joint household budgeting conundrum - any takers?

Exodi

eskbanker said:
I hadn't anticipated that the passing reference to other ways of handling lopsided incomes would result in some of the dogmatic posts that have followed, so apologies for inadvertently triggering a pile-on....

Unfortunately it happens everytime a 'how to split bills thread comes up'. All the people that have been married for decades feel compelled to chant 'share everything or your relationship is a lie' without considering circumstance.

Now I cringe every time I see a new poster start a thread on it, I really wish people would be appreciate that 'couple =/= married 30 years with 2 kids'.

bpk101

JosephK said:

Old acronym -K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, stupid) Anything much more than putting both incomes in the "pot" and then, after  budgeting for bills, necessities, etc., each using as required is over-complicating a household budget.

For a forum who's sole purpose of existence is to help people budget and save efficiently, this attitude of 'throw it all in a pot and use as required' is quite remarkable. 

Ebe_Scrooge

bpk101 said:

JosephK said:

Old acronym -K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, stupid) Anything much more than putting both incomes in the "pot" and then, after  budgeting for bills, necessities, etc., each using as required is over-complicating a household budget.

For a forum who's sole purpose of existence is to help people budget and save efficiently, this attitude of 'throw it all in a pot and use as required' is quite remarkable. 

I guess the overriding theme of this thread is not that you shouldn't budget and save - more a case of you should budget and save together, rather than individually.  But I completely take on board the other comments that people have made - it's wrong of anyone to assume that "couple" automatically equals "married for 30 years, 2.4 kids, 3 dogs and a cat to support"

No offence intended to anyone, whether the OP or the other contributors.  We all have our own views on the best way of doing things.

Newly_retired

For what it's worth, OP, given the disparity in your incomes and attitudes, I can see why you would want to calculate contributions in proportion to earnings, and to answer the question, you should set a level field by including both pension contributions - or none, if there is an element of choice in how much you each contribute to pensions. But this is something you and your partner should try to agree on.
I am in a long-term second marriage where we each have adult children from previous marriages, so it suits us to each pay the same amount into a joint account for the household bills, and keep the rest in sole accounts. We now have roughly similar pension incomes, but over the years our incomes have varied widely, with me working part-time for a number of years.
We do not tend to discuss what we each do with our "own" money, and on the whole I am a saver whilst Mr NR is spender, so I have a bigger personal savings pot. It works for us, and I do not like seeing assumptions that every couple should pool all their money.

EssexHebridean

These threads always - no matter where they’re posted - bring out the judgemental wagging fingers sadly. In this house we have very different incomes - and not, as one poster earlier suggested - because I’ve “not worked hard enough to get a good job”. Earlier in our relationship the shoe was on the other foot and I was the higher earner. Since then MrEH has been in a position to move into the field he originally trained for and his income has increased as a result. I meanwhile swapped a “career” for a “job” for health reasons. We both take a sum monthly as our “own” money into our personal accounts - MrEH’s is higher than mine (he deserves it - he works more hours, and in a more high pressure role) and the balance goes into the joint pot - but he contributes three times more than I do to that pot. The way we work things suits us, and isn’t up for judgement from anyone outside our household. You do you - and let everyone else get on with doing them! It should also be remembered that in a lot of cases a lower earner may contribute in more ways than simply financial. I essentially run our household for the most part - looking after the finances, doing a higher share of the housework, and planning things like meals/shopping. MrEH freely admits that it was my drive that meant we paid off the mortgage early too - in itself a pretty sizeable contribution to the family finances. Not all contributions are made in pounds and pence! 

EssexHebridean

MalMonroe said:

*PS - it's 'puts their' not 'put's there'.

…and unless you can show your warrant card I don’t believe anyone appointed YOU as the spelling & grammar police on the forum. The OP’s post was completely understandable - and even had it not been you could simply have asked for clarification. Comments like the above say more about the person making them than about the person being picked apart. 

eastcorkram

I'm not sure how it's thought that the majority of couples pool their income, and then take it from there. Maybe it's been surveyed?

We've never done that. I'm not sure how much OH earns, and pretty sure that's true the other way around too. Probably helps that I don't think there's a big disparity. I'd guess we're within 10k of each other.  There is a joint account, but it doesn't really ever get used. I don't think the balance in that account has changed in many years.

Of the routine types of expenditure, there are things I pay, and things OH pays. Just seems to have worked that way. I don't remember it ever being discussed trying to do it differently.

jennifernil

Our son and his wife started out with personal accounts each, and a joint bills account, though I did not ask if their contributions were equal or according to income. 

  That lasted a  couple of years, then they switched to all income going into the joint account and each taking out a (presumably agreed) amount for personal spending.

Now, 23 years and 2 children later, they still operate the same way, so it must work for them, even though their incomes are now vastly different.  DIL works a 50/50 job share, so probably has only 10% of the income our son has, but is the one looking after the children and, mainly, the day to day stuff in the house.

His contribution is to order the shopping delivery, and do much, but not all, of the cooking.

They both contribute to pensions, as do their employers.

My comment on the figures stated by the OP is that the higher earner really needs to contribute more than that £1000 per month to their pension.  10% of their full salary would be more realistic.

If we were in their position, I would be coming at things from the opposite direction.
Each would have an agreed monthly amount to cover their required spend on clothes, travelling to work, treats such as a night out with friends, and an amount for "secret spends".  The amount allowed for each to be agreed between them.

Then everything else goes into the big pot, a household budget is agreed, and whatever is left over goes into savings for agreed things such as holidays, home improvements, and big purchases.

Nebulous2

eastcorkram said:

I'm not sure how it's thought that the majority of couples pool their income, and then take it from there. Maybe it's been surveyed?

We've never done that. I'm not sure how much OH earns, and pretty sure that's true the other way around too. Probably helps that I don't think there's a big disparity. I'd guess we're within 10k of each other.  There is a joint account, but it doesn't really ever get used. I don't think the balance in that account has changed in many years.

Of the routine types of expenditure, there are things I pay, and things OH pays. Just seems to have worked that way. I don't remember it ever being discussed trying to do it differently.

I wrote a reply to this thread earlier, then deleted it, as I seemed to be swimming against the tide. 

We've never had a joint current account. Joint savings accounts, but not an account for bills. 

I am the main earner, pay most of the bills and transfer some money to my OH every month. She pays the groceries and used to pay most of the child related activities. 

I'm good at budgeting, checking phone tariffs, getting utility deals, transferring bank accounts to get reward payments etc.

She can't be bothered with all that, but will hunt down a bargain in the shops and is particularly good at researching and sourcing good deals for holidays.

We each stick to our own roles as far as finances are concerned, and it appears to work. 

 

Brie

Interesting to see the variations on family financial management.

fyi - I earn, OH spends and will very occasionally ask permission if something is particularly expensive.