Husband wants a document saying I’ll repay loan.

Jojo197474

So long story short…. I have got into debt, mostly by not being able to say no to people & wanting to make everyone happy, my husband especially. (I am now haning counselling!)  Alot of the money has gone on home improvements, as such we have taken out a secure loan to repay the debt. 

He however has asked that I ask the solicitor to write up a document stating that I am liable for the loan & if we have to sell the house to repay then it comes from my half of the equity! Now while I’m happy to repay the debt myself (I got me into this! and I have a good job earning good money, the debt should be re-paid in 3/4.5 years) I am a bit upset that he thinks that he needs a document stating that I’ll repay it. We’ve been together 20 years! My main question is, is this something that can be done!? Obviously the loan will be in both names as it is secured on the house! Can a document from the solicitor signed by me over rule this? 

theoretica

If you paid for more of the home improvements than he did, should you equally get more than half the equity?  I agree it seems odd - and if you have a history of trying to make people happy, seems like he might be further drawing on that! Maybe worth discussing with your counsellor. 

There is also the big question of whether taking out a secured loan is the best course of action, which I am sure people here could comment on if you want to share more financial details.

Jojo197474

theoretica said:

If you paid for more of the home improvements than he did, should you equally get more than half the equity?  I agree it seems odd - and if you have a history of trying to make people happy, seems like he might be further drawing on that! Maybe worth discussing with your counsellor. 

This is my reasoning. Not that I get more than half the equity but that the money has gone on new kitchen/ new bathroom/ garage conversion etc etc. he cannot see this. He is very blinkered about money which has obviously not helped & is angry I’ve racked up this debt. 

Grumpy_chap

Jojo197474 said:

So long story short…. I have got into debt, mostly by not being able to say no to people & wanting to make everyone happy, my husband especially. (I am now haning counselling!)  Alot of the money has gone on home improvements, as such we have taken out a secure loan to repay the debt. 

He however has asked that I ask the solicitor to write up a document stating that I am liable for the loan & if we have to sell the house to repay then it comes from my half of the equity! Now while I’m happy to repay the debt myself (I got me into this! and I have a good job earning good money, the debt should be re-paid in 3/4.5 years) I am a bit upset that he thinks that he needs a document stating that I’ll repay it. We’ve been together 20 years! My main question is, is this something that can be done!? Obviously the loan will be in both names as it is secured on the house! Can a document from the solicitor signed by me over rule this? 

It is very difficult to comment with the detail shared but these debts arise form home improvements that you both share the benefit of so the burden of costs should be split also.  Every couple has a different set of splitting finances between them, so I would suggest that these finances should be split in the same manner as is your custom within your relationship (assuming that established split is not inequitable).

This is a marriage.  You are having a hard time.  Your husband should support you.  It is admiral that you try to make others happy - that should not come at the cost of your own happiness.

400ixl

Marriage is a partnership, warts and all.

Would any such document stand up in a divorce court anyway if it came to that?

Mojisola

Jojo197474 said:

I have got into debt, mostly by not being able to say no to people & wanting to make everyone happy, my husband especially.

A lot of the money has gone on home improvements, as such we have taken out a secure loan to repay the debt. 

He however has asked that I ask the solicitor to write up a document stating that I am liable for the loan & if we have to sell the house to repay then it comes from my half of the equity!

Really?  He pressured you into spending money you didn't have, is benefiting from the home improvements (and the increase in the house value) but wants you to personally repay all the debt?
What a star!

RAS

Definitely "couples counselling" with a financial/debt counsellor.

He may also be unhappy now that the spending has to stop, and your debt affects his financial record.

T.T.D

My take it on this is that your both enjoying the fruits of the loan, he could have at any point stepped in and questioned the spending and he didn’t and now it’s serious he has a case of squeaky bum syndrome.

Is he preparing for a divorce by any chance? Sounds like a move to protect his 50/50 split of the equity in the house if it is sold because he views the situation as you got him embroiled in your spending and now resents you (or the situation) and has guilt he didn’t say or do anything to stop it before this point of putting your roof over your head in jeopardy if you default. 

 

elsien

Have you considered just saying no? 

MalMonroe

 You say "A lot of the money has gone on home improvements, as such we have taken out a secure loan to repay the debt. 

He however has asked that I ask the solicitor to write up a document stating that I am liable for the loan & if we have to sell the house to repay then it comes from my half of the equity!"

You also say "This is my reasoning. Not that I get more than half the equity but that the money has gone on new kitchen/ new bathroom/ garage conversion etc etc. he cannot see this. He is very blinkered about money which has obviously not helped & is angry I’ve racked up this debt." Why cannot he see that? And why on earth is he angry? 

As others have said, your husband is benefiting from the home improvements and everything else you both took out the loan for. You are BOTH liable for the loan, please leave it that way.

Why on earth do you think that it's your sole responsibility to repay the money? Why do you say "Now while I’m happy to repay the debt myself (I got me into this!)" (What do you mean, you got yourself into this? Surely it was a joint decision?) 

If I were you, there's no way I would approach any solicitor to 'make up a document' to be signed to make myself solely responsible for a debt. Your husband really is a manipulator.

As others have said, it sounds very much as if he's preparing to do a runner. And then all the debts will be in your name and you, in spite of your good salary, will find yourself in financial trouble. 

When you're in a marriage you're supposed to support each other, that includes your husband supporting you, rather than him using you as a money tree. 

There is no harm in saying NO and standing up for yourself. That is, more or less, what your husband is doing. 

jimpwarsop

Jojo197474 said:

So long story short…. I have got into debt, mostly by not being able to say no to people & wanting to make everyone happy, my husband especially. (I am now haning counselling!)  Alot of the money has gone on home improvements, as such we have taken out a secure loan to repay the debt. 

He however has asked that I ask the solicitor to write up a document stating that I am liable for the loan & if we have to sell the house to repay then it comes from my half of the equity! Now while I’m happy to repay the debt myself (I got me into this! and I have a good job earning good money, the debt should be re-paid in 3/4.5 years) I am a bit upset that he thinks that he needs a document stating that I’ll repay it. We’ve been together 20 years! My main question is, is this something that can be done!? Obviously the loan will be in both names as it is secured on the house! Can a document from the solicitor signed by me over rule this? 

Sounds like you got yourself into debt, well thats what you say.

I would be apoplectic if my missus took out a loan against our property without my agreement, so, did he agree or not ?

If he agreed, then thats his look out.