Upset :(

deedeeliz

I love my girlfriend and we make things work, but her sister's REALLY upset me today and by default my partner as she does not stand up for me when it comes to her family!

At least i'm not crying anymore, I wish I had a cat to hug at times like this!

Her sister has a 5 month old baby who I adore, I often buy him bits and pieces that I see in shops, even though the sister has owed me £100 for over 11 months now, that's not baby's fault. It was £200 I lent when her and her partner couldn’t pay the rent, but she referred me for my job (as if I got it she got £250) and gave me some of that money, and i've been deducting odd amounts here and there, ex: I said i'd contribute £10 of the money owed to me towards the flash buggy she wanted etc.

She used to work where I do (different departments same site), and my partner agreed to drive her with their mum and the baby to work to show him off then we'd meet for lunch in the nearby pub today.
This was arranged a week or two ago, and I’d let my boss know when I’d be out of the office for a bit, then last night my partner told me her sister had decided to go to toddler group in the morning as Santa was visiting - Fair enough but more notice would have been nice.

I'm at work today and call half hour before we're meeting at the pub to see what they wanted me to order and get told they haven't left their mums home yet as the baby was grizzly, again you cant help it when babies need tending to so asked my boss if i could go to lunch a bit later which she agreed to.

Was given a time to get to the pub which I did, and they were a further 10 minutes late from there, When I text asking where they were I received a snotty and defensive reply stating that 'The baby comes first' so dont blame us


I was flabbergasted, I hadn't been having a go at anyone, and now I feel like she’s been holding the baby out as a convenient excuse for a lot of things.

How dare she infer that I don’t think the baby’s the most important thing right now!

Money's tight for me right now and I’ve stupidly not been asking for MY money back because she has the baby and I couldn’t bear the thought of him running out of milk or nappies because I’d taken my money back. Though last month she asked around to see if anyone could urgently lend them £70 so her fianc! could have petrol get to and from work. Neither of us have money right now, or my partner would have, but that weekend there was a phone call from her sister saying they were shopping in Bristol (Some 90 miles round trip). So they must have found someone to lend them the petrol money for him to get to work. *Grr – If they can afford that why cant they start paying back the 4 or 5 hundred quid they owe my partner or the £100 they owe me?
Not having to use the credit card because we have enough to get by would be a nice feeling!

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest, I'm alone tonight as surprise surprise my partner's staying around her mums house tonight and taking her shopping tomorrow (We've been living together over a year and i've not been taken to bristol or bath etc lol) so have been working myself up over this and trying now to cry.

I'm glad I lent the money as I know it helped out. I just think i'm resented now because they have a 'debt' to pay to me (Oh, and the parents cant know i'm owed money :rolleyes: )

ailuro2

Well since you've left it al this time, it would probably be viewed as a bit 'off' if you asked her for it two weeks before Christmas- I suggest you ask her to repay the debt by the end of January, as you are finding it affects you adversely, and that you don't really want to resent her because she owes you money. Tell her you have a rule that debt never goes unpaid for more than a year.
And if she doesn't pay it, then walk away and never give her money again! Why can't the parents know?:rolleyes:

deedeeliz

I dont want the money back right now, I can cope financially this holiday without it so that's not the issue, it's just one of the factors that makes the sister dislike me as she resents owing me the money

pinkshoes

I think most people will tell you that rule number 1 states "never lend money that you want back". Debt between friends/family can ruin things, so it's best to only ever GIVE money to someone, rather than lend.

deedeeliz wrote: »

I love my girlfriend and we make things work

Just because you love someone, doesn't consitute a good relationship. From your post, you give the impression that you'd perhaps rather be with someone else, someone that loves you unconditionally, sticks up for you, and doesn't use you or put their family first.

It's easy to love someone. It's very difficult to be IN love with someone. Why should you just "make things work"? What are you actually getting from this relationship?

There seems to be more to this than just a girlfriend that walks over you,and you let her...

January20

Although I agree with ailuro2 that it's not a good idea to ask for your money right now, I'll be very cold and heartless and say that the baby is NOT your responsibility. She owes you money and should be thinking about giving it back. ailuro2's advice to ask for it by a certain date and then if you don't get it to just drop the matter is spot on!

You also need to talk to your partner about your feelings. Crying on your own will not achieve much. If your emotions are too strong to be able to talk rationnally, I would suggest you write her a letter explaining how betrayed you feel - it's certainly the impression I got from your post!

Finally, I think it's quite normal to be besotted with a baby. And again you can call me cold and heartless, but it will pass as the baby turns into a toddler and then a child, go to school, and things will get back to normal.

If your partner is busy with family and without you, have you got friends you can go out with so you are not left alone at home? You need to have your own life so you don't become too resentful.

deedeeliz

Part of the problem's my fault, I moved from London to Swindon to be with her and left my network of family and friends behind. Where I work there are already established friends groups (sounds like we're at school again) so my social networking is limited until I go to London for a weekend every month or so

pinkshoes

Are you sure you want to be in this relationship?

I know you've moved from London to Swindon (arrrghhh, i hate that magic roundabout!), but there's nothing wrong with admitting that a relationship isn't going to work. You just sound really unhappy, like you regret moving, but feel obliged to stay in the relationship now you've made all that effort.