Completely lost my way…

Amber1980

Hi there,after a couple of years reading diaries I have finally decided it’s time to start my own!
A little about me, I’m 41,married,no kids,a couple of dogs and a few cats,living in the very expensive South East of England,was born and bred here.
 I have got worse and worse with money decisions the last few years, and I feel trapped and stressed.
 I will go through everything properly but my debt stands at around £10000 and I’m not in well paid employment at the moment.
 I have gone through some big life and career changes in the last few years and I now need to focus and sort my life out!
 I have always struggled with depression and anxiety but am managing them pretty well with meds and lifestyle,I gave up drinking and partying nearly six years ago and I’m happily quite boring now preferring a quiet life!

I’m lucky to have great friends and some great people in my life, I just now need to get my motivation and confidence back and start the next stage of my life!
 I hope you will join me for some chats and support!
Thank you for reading xxxx

londoner2019

Good luck on your journey! You’re in a supportive and welcoming environment here

bigbeff

Welcome and good luck on your journey - some great ideas on here I look forward to reading your progress.

doingitanyway

Well done on the positive changes you have made in your life. Looks like you have the resilience to tackle your debt in the same way. 

Amber1980

Thank you both! Yes it seems like a great place to be ☺️☺️

Amber1980

Thanks doingitanyway,it’s funny I have real determination in some things and others I try and brush under the carpet! But no more hiding…!

Amber1980

Silly question I’m sure but I’m sometimes struggling to view diaries as every time I tap the bookmark sign just goes on and off.Other times the bookmark isn’t on display! I’m not technical 😩😂

Amber1980

Turns out if I turn iPad around it works! Apparently a technical glitch on iPad!
So a few more details about my situation,my current job which I was only doing temporarily while I worked out my next move is coming to an end in about a month.Before this job which I have been doing for 18 months I was self employed in the beauty industry and had been since I was 22.As I approached my 40th birthday I was desperate for a change,I had been restless for a few years before,then Covid hit,the salon closed and after the initial panic I decided it was time to take the leap and not return to the salon. I had some great clients and was often earning good money but I had lost the passion for it.We had also by then been thinking about moving abroad and starting again completely,various reasons over the last few years had led us to that decision.
With COVID hitting we obviously couldn’t go anywhere,but with a lot of planning and saving we finally spent two months abroad house hunting last October and November.
My husband would rather live anywhere else than where we live but I am much more attached to friends and family and although I could see we could have exactly what we wanted from life there I just couldn’t go through with it.
We had accepted an offer on the house with the understanding we might not move,so we came back at the end of the trip and now we are back where we started.
Although it was my decision not to move I have still been feeling pretty flat and unmotivated about life here as we had been working towards moving for quite a while.
Need to have a serious think about a new career not just a job as house prices are so high here. I thankfully bought my house in 2005 before I met my husband and it’s doubled in price but we still have quite a big mortgage to pay off and both need to be in decent jobs to try and have some sort of a decent lifestyle.
We used to both be big spenders,expensive holidays,Porsches,busy social lives but bit by bit our lives have changed and I sometimes don’t even recognise the person I used to be! 😊

GinoOhGinoGinelli

Hi @Amber1980, well done for starting your diary and debt-free journey, and I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with depression and anxiety.

Your situation really resonates with me as I too live in an expensive part of the country (London), almost 40, no kids but four cats, live a much quieter life these days, and I'm also looking for a career change!

Good luck with the rest of your journey - I'm now subscribed and will be following with interest!

Amber1980

@GinoOhGinoGinelli Hi and thanks! We sound very similar! I love the quiet life now…! Still love seeing friends etc but unless it’s the daytime or very early evening there’s no chance I’m going out!,😂.What sort of career are you thinking of? I used to be so clear on what I was doing with life but definitely been all over the place the last couple of years! I live in Windsor which is beautiful but horribly expensive….!

enthusiasticsaver

We used to live in the South East but moved to the South West more than 30 years ago and never regretted it. House prices are ridiculously priced up near London and the Home Counties and we were able to buy a much bigger and better house for the same money and enjoy what is for us a nicer quality of life.  However moving away from friends and family is a wrench and we did it much younger (I was 28).  If we had stayed in the South East we would have needed to take on a  bigger mortgage over a longer period whereas down here we could pay it off by the time I was 50. It is a tough decision though  but I think you are right in saying you maybe need a better paid job if you are to stay in that area. However if you suffer from depression and anxiety and have a good support network up there it would be hard for you to leave that. I love the quiet life down here as it seems less like the rat race we were living in up in Surrey. 

Good luck with making a plan to repay the debt.  £10000 is not huge but I guess if your job is due to finish that could be a problem. I hope you manage to sort out in your head what is most important to you and things will then fall into place.