Adult with learning disabilities making provision of parents both die

Flakie

We have an adult son of 38 with autism and LD who requires 24 hour care and supervision. With the Covid situation we haven’t been able to move ahead with plans for him to move to supported living so may be at home for a time yet. I’m his appointee for his benefits but we don’t have any official stuff in place for his care as we have managed without things such as a deputy ship up till now. If anything were to happen to me and his dad (death or serious illness) which meant we couldn’t take care of him we would want him to be able to go to his brothers to be cared for rather than a knee jerk reaction and him going into care with no preparation. Has anyone been in this situation and found a way of having something in writing to confirm/allow this? Thanks. 

Robin9

Have you a allocated Social Worker ?

elsien

If you’ve been looking at supported living then it seems likely that the local authority are already involved? Maybe a conversation to have with them as part of his support planning so everyone is already on board. 
In the absence of a health/welfare deputyship, if he is found to lack capacity around where he lives at the time the decision needs to be made then it would be a best interests decision, taking his wishes and views as far as he is able to express them into account. If you weren’t able to be consulted as part of that process then his brother should be under the MCA. 
Presumably his brother is fully on board, can offer the necessary support, has the room etc and your son would be happy to go there? In those circumstances it would hard to see why going into care would be argued to be a better option than staying with family.
Does he visit/stay with his brother now? Again, having that relationship and the importance of it to him in his care plan if it’s not already there wouldn’t hurt as an extra safeguard. 

Mojisola

Flakie said:

We have an adult son of 38 with autism and LD who requires 24 hour care and supervision.

If anything were to happen to me and his dad (death or serious illness) which meant we couldn’t take care of him we would want him to be able to go to his brothers to be cared for rather than a knee jerk reaction and him going into care with no preparation.

Is his brother willing to give up his life to provide care 24/7?

Flakie

All great comments so thank you. Yes he has a care manager who knows him well. I would be having a conversation with her at some point and have it documented that his brother would be the first port of call and would take responsibility. We had only just had one conversation with the prospective care provider before the first lockdown so hadn’t really got going with that. His brother would ideally provide a stopgap for him and be able to oversee a gradual transition to supported living so I don’t see that as a long term solution but it would certainly work short term. The idea of occasional overnights stays at his brothers is a good one to cement the relationship and make sure his brother is fully aware of his needs. Thank you and a happy new year to you all. 

Tigsteroonie

Mojisola said:

Flakie said:

We have an adult son of 38 with autism and LD who requires 24 hour care and supervision.

If anything were to happen to me and his dad (death or serious illness) which meant we couldn’t take care of him we would want him to be able to go to his brothers to be cared for rather than a knee jerk reaction and him going into care with no preparation.

Is his brother willing to give up his life to provide care 24/7?

This. In your response, you still don't say whether the brother is in agreement, or if this is a presumption on your part.

Savvy_Sue

Obviously this may vary from one area to another, but I know one young person who's made the move to supported living since lockdown started.

So I'd crack on with pursuing that route ... as well as any fall back plans

Ms_Chocaholic

You need to check what your son thinks about your arrangements for your disabled son - does he know and is he in agreement?

london21

Flakie said:

We have an adult son of 38 with autism and LD who requires 24 hour care and supervision. With the Covid situation we haven’t been able to move ahead with plans for him to move to supported living so may be at home for a time yet. I’m his appointee for his benefits but we don’t have any official stuff in place for his care as we have managed without things such as a deputy ship up till now. If anything were to happen to me and his dad (death or serious illness) which meant we couldn’t take care of him we would want him to be able to go to his brothers to be cared for rather than a knee jerk reaction and him going into care with no preparation. Has anyone been in this situation and found a way of having something in writing to confirm/allow this? Thanks. 

Great you are thinking ahead and making plans.

You need to have the conversation with your other son and get his input. 

Brie

Quite agree with your other son having his bro to stay, perhaps with you there as well initially?  Maybe for a week respite care for you and your OH?  

It's really important that he knows what the 24/7 is actually like.  My brother decided without much thought to become our mother's carer and has been really pulled to pieces about it.  He assumed it wouldn't be a long time and he assumed there wouldn't be any big issues (like covid!) that would complicate it.  It's now 2 years and almost every conversation with him includes some comments about "I'm going on holiday" and "I need some down time".  Unfortunately I'm not in a position to help him and neither are my other siblings to any great extent.

getmore4less

You need to look at the finances vulnerable persons trust and suitable trustees.