Has anyone made a successful mid-life career change? Or am I stuck in a rut for another 25 years?

Fishing_Jim

Long time reader of site but 1st time poster. I'll try to be concise. I'm a 44 year old Contract Manager for a large Maintenance Company. I've always had a love/hate relationship with my job, its got worse as I progressed up the career ladder - the type of work I do, the people I deal with, 24/7 callout & keyholding and I have a very demanding client who hates my company as he used to work for them and left on very bad terms. After a long Covid shutdown I returned to the office full time in July and have hated every moment since to the point that it is making me depressed; I know the signs as I was treated for depression a few years ago when my wife had a serious illness. This isn't the first time I've felt like this about a job and I generally manage to fight my way through the bad times, but on this occasion it doesn't feel like that will happen.

My wife thinks I should just get a new job and that will refresh things - from other reader's experience, is this the case as I am not so sure? The pressure is on me as I am the main breadwinner and earn a lot more than my wife and she thinks that at our age you should only look to earn more and more. I applied for a job at a charity which on paper looked like it might refresh things in my work life, but my wife vetoed it as it involved a £10k salary drop (I earn £46k) which could easily cope with financially. I just don't want to keep going round in circles for the rest of my career, as I am conscious I am potentially not even half way through my working life. 

I know from reading the forums that this is a common situation to be in but what steps or examples have people taken to change? Do I just keep plugging away unhappily until I retire and earn a good salary? Or have people made a successful transition to a new career in their mid-40's? I've confided in a couple of friends who think I should save as much money as possible over the next several months and retrain - one is a Financial Advisor who thinks with my skills I should either do AAT (I was offered a job to do this by an Accountant friend 20 years ago but said no as the job offer was 200 miles away) and start work in Accounting, or look at CeMAP. I have looked into these in the past as I find it interesting and think the field plays to my strengths. Does anyone have any experience of doing this they can share? My main concern is getting a job in these fields at my age.

gwynlas

A lot of people change career in mid life sometimes that change is forced upon them through illness or redundancy but of course it is better if by choice. .A lot will depend on what area you wish to retrain in and it is unlikely you will earn your current salary. Your wife needs to come on board if your salary drops.

Savvy_Sue

I agree you and your wife need to agree before you take the leap: does she realise how unhappy you are? Do you share responsibility for budgeting?

Sandtree

Everything you've listed as a problem is an issue with your current job and not your career. There are plenty of contract/relationship managers that arent on call 24/7 or keyholders etc... this will depend somewhat on the services being sold/bought and their hours of operation but many will be much closer to office hours and post work hours by exception. 

If there are other things that are pushing you away from the career than the job then its certainly possible to change, generally easier to do it internally than by changing companies but its also doable. 

Mojisola

Fishing_Jim said:

I returned to the office full time in July and have hated every moment since to the point that it is making me depressed; I know the signs as I was treated for depression a few years ago when my wife had a serious illness.

I applied for a job at a charity which on paper looked like it might refresh things in my work life, but my wife vetoed it as it involved a £10k salary drop (I earn £46k) which could easily cope with financially.

I would rather have a happy, healthy partner than one who is feeling like you.

Does your wife realise how unhappy you are?

If she doesn't want to adjust to a manageable lower household income, how would she cope if you were off long-term with depression?

Fishing_Jim

It isn't just my current role that is the main issue, it is a combination of the field I work in and my current role - I've had the same feelings about every 3 years throughout my career. I am now at the point where I don't want it to keep happening over and over again. I'm potentially still less than halfway through my working life.

My wife knows how I am am feeling but is of the opinion that very few people are truly happy in their jobs and doesn't see how we could cope financially if I earned much less money than I do now, let alone if I halved my salary. She feels that we need to maintain the quality of life we have for our children as it is something she didn't have when her parents were our age. She thinks I should find a new job as soon as possible and go to the GP for help & medication if I am depressed. Medication may help as my mood is all over the place and I have a definite lethargy about me at the moment, but I am reluctant to be signed off work as I don't think I would ever want to go back and how would it look to a potential employer if I was job seeking? 

I still think that the salary for the job I never went for (£36k) is realistic for our financial commitments and lifestyle - if I could see a path to that over 3 or 4 years in another career then that may convince her to support me in doing it. I know that keeping mentally stimulated is part of positive wellbeing so perhaps I should look into studying at home in evenings an weekends for one of the qualifications I suggested to see if I actually like and can do it.

MovingForwards

Why does your wife not get a higher paid role to keep the lifestyle up? 
It's a lot of pressure on you, which I don't think your wife appreciates.

Mojisola

Fishing_Jim said:

My wife knows how I am am feeling but is of the opinion that very few people are truly happy in their jobs and doesn't see how we could cope financially if I earned much less money than I do now, let alone if I halved my salary. She feels that we need to maintain the quality of life we have for our children as it is something she didn't have when her parents were our age.

These are your wife's hang-ups - the kind of thing we learn as children and carry forward.  She could try reframing her attitude and see the benefits of you changing jobs.

As MovingForwards says - if money is so important to her, has she tried to improve her income? 

Do you share the childcare, household chores and other family stuff?  If she does the bulk of it and that restricts her earning potential, would you having a less demanding job mean that you could do more at home?

It's likely that your feelings about your job are having an impact on the family - is extra money coming in worth the knock-on effect on your children?

It's something that you will have to keep talking about and brain-storm a range of options - sometimes putting the facts down on paper can make things clearer.  A spreadsheet showing the family's current financial income, expenditure and savings compared to a possible drop in income would show how much it would affect your lives - perhaps you'd see that your wife has a good point or she could see that the impact wouldn't be as much as she fears.

Do you follow money saving techniques so that you don't overpay for things like insurance, food bills, utilities, etc?  Every pound saved by being savvy is a pound you don't have to earn while keeping your lifestyle to the same standard.

theoretica

Has your wife looked at job adverts and made concrete suggestions about jobs you might apply for that she thinks would suit you?  Because when it isn't your field it is very easy to get salaries and expectations wrong, and if she also looked for potential jobs for you she might become more realistic.  Or indeed find something for herself if you could rebalance earning and family management between you.

MEM62

Fishing_Jim said:

Long time reader of site but 1st time poster. I'll try to be concise. I'm a 44 year old Contract Manager for a large Maintenance Company. I've always had a love/hate relationship with my job, its got worse as I progressed up the career ladder - the type of work I do, the people I deal with, 24/7 callout & keyholding and I have a very demanding client who hates my company as he used to work for them and left on very bad terms. After a long Covid shutdown I returned to the office full time in July and have hated every moment since to the point that it is making me depressed; I know the signs as I was treated for depression a few years ago when my wife had a serious illness. This isn't the first time I've felt like this about a job and I generally manage to fight my way through the bad times, but on this occasion it doesn't feel like that will happen.

Until recently I was in a similar position- although I am older than you at 59.  What was a decent, enjoyable job for 12 years turned toxic a couple of years ago.  Looked at alternatives and there are not many out there for a guy of my age.  I was fortunate when the employer I left 14 years ago to take this job asked me if I would like to return.  Sometimes in life you just get lucky.  I returned three months ago and am enjoying work again.      

Fishing_Jim said:

My wife thinks I should just get a new job and that will refresh things - from other reader's experience, is this the case as I am not so sure? The pressure is on me as I am the main breadwinner and earn a lot more than my wife and she thinks that at our age you should only look to earn more and more. I applied for a job at a charity which on paper looked like it might refresh things in my work life, but my wife vetoed it as it involved a £10k salary drop (I earn £46k) which could easily cope with financially. I just don't want to keep going round in circles for the rest of my career, as I am conscious I am potentially not even half way through my working life. 

Pretty much any career change will come with a drop in income until you have re-worked your way up the ladder a bit.  Personally, I was lucky in that, when this was looking like something I would have to do, my wife placed greater value on my happiness and wellbeing than she did on money.  (I got lucky with her too!)  If your wife feels that ever increasing income should be the dominant driver in life the why not invite her to share that burden in her own career.  

Fishing_Jim said:

I know from reading the forums that this is a common situation to be in but what steps or examples have people taken to change? Do I just keep plugging away unhappily until I retire and earn a good salary? Or have people made a successful transition to a new career in their mid-40's? I've confided in a couple of friends who think I should save as much money as possible over the next several months and retrain - one is a Financial Advisor who thinks with my skills I should either do AAT (I was offered a job to do this by an Accountant friend 20 years ago but said no as the job offer was 200 miles away) and start work in Accounting, or look at CeMAP. I have looked into these in the past as I find it interesting and think the field plays to my strengths. Does anyone have any experience of doing this they can share? My main concern is getting a job in these fields at my age.

Lads of guys have found themselves in similar situations.  Career changes are possible at almost any age.  The important thing to remember is that life is too short to spend large chunks of it in a job in which you are not happy.  People get so dragged into situations that they forget that this is not a rehearsal.  Don't put up with stuff.  In your shoes I would be looking at the alternatives and planning the change.    

elsien

I was made redundant when I was 50 which prompted a mini change in direction. 

I took a pay cut, stepped off the management treadmill and made a sidewards move into a field where my experience was relevant and I could do the qualifications on the job. Best decision i made. I could earn a lot more in my previous role but for me work life balance of no shifts and no on calls is worth the lower pay.