having trouble getting my name off the deeds

rexmedorum

furby-2003 said:

He seems to think he can get the equity from the house to pay her back and give her the £60k shes lending him to give him. I haven't told him this won't work as he's not old enough as I don't want him to pull out of the deal. 

This doesn't make any sense. Old enough for what? Deal? what deal? In an earlier post you state you get half of what's left, (220k-60k)=80k

furby-2003

rexmedorum said:

furby-2003 said:

He seems to think he can get the equity from the house to pay her back and give her the £60k shes lending him to give him. I haven't told him this won't work as he's not old enough as I don't want him to pull out of the deal. 

This doesn't make any sense. Old enough for what? Deal? what deal? In an earlier post you state you get half of what's left, (220k-60k)=80k

Not old enough to take equity. dont you have to be 55? hes 45

The deal of giving me £60 if i leave.

Hes not valuing the house at £220. This was the value I got from the other houses sold in our area that are the same as ours and the solicitors are using that figure in the case. Unfortunately £60 was all his mom could scrape together without selling the house so thats all they offered.  He offered me £35 to start with. I had to push to get £60k. 

Yes i know the figures don't tally he's just plucked £60 to give me out the air being honest

Sorry if its not made much sense. Basically he's trying to get away with not having to sell the house so he can keep it. 

canaldumidi

Look- give up the dream of the house you are trying to buy. There will be others. You need to first sort out your relationship and your finances.

You are in a strong position long-term because of the flats. Though they may affect your liability for the extar SDLT unless your current home is sold - so concentrate on that.

I agree you should move back in - that will focus his mind and make him negotiate. If he is abusive and/or violent, report to the police. You might well even get a court order forcing him to move out if that happens. Has that already happened? Is there any police record of abuse?

Contact one of the charities that support battered/abused women - they will have experience of the options eg

https://www.refuge.org.uk/

https://batteredwoman.com/

or google 'battered women charity xxx' where xxx is your home town.

Skiddaw1

I think the OP is still living in the house (unless I've misread things)?

furby-2003

Skiddaw1 said:

I think the OP is still living in the house (unless I've misread things)?

Yes I am. I can't go anywhere until I find somewhere to live. I have no local family

furby-2003

The flats are now sold subject to contract on a 56 day modern auction so i could push the house through

canaldumidi

Skiddaw1 said:

I think the OP is still living in the house (unless I've misread things)?

If so, and partner is still being obstructive, then court order to sell might the way to go. This needs resolving before OP can move forward. Or move.

Fortunately OP has capital from the flat sale. Hopefull a small outlay for a solicitor's letter might pay dividends. If that does not work, yes, the next step of court action is expensive ( and time consuming) but I believe costs could be awarded against the reluctant partner eventually - one of the solicitors here might confirm.

deannagone

I am not sure that continuing living in the house with the partner is a brilliant idea.  If there are arguments and DV going on, the children will be exposed to all that (I know from experience how badly they are affected, one of mine is an adult and still dealing with the repercussions even though he was never personally hit.  I thought I was protecting them but I really really wasn't, they saw what was going on, heard the arguments and saw me telling myself I couldn't leave regardless of what he did for many years).  The OP has already said she doesn't think she can stand staying there (with things as they are, she feels very vulnerable.  Staying in the house with a controlling partner is not quite as easy as some people seem to think, and not without repercussions.  Staying will also be hard on her mental health and possibly physically dangerous. And I very much doubt having his verbal and physical beating bag in the house will encourage him to hand over £60k.  He's probably getting a bit of a buzz out of controlling the OP.  He can do this better if she stays there with him present. 

The plans to get the £60k don't sound plausible to me. He'd have to get another mortgage to take his partner off the deeds or sell the house as already discussed.  I don't think you are thinking too clearly.  This is not a criticism.  Its part of DV.  He'still controlling you, I'm sorry.  Having you believe what he says, that your actions are dependent on his, he is still choosing what you can or can't do.

 However the OP could force him to move out.., this is where advice from Domestic violence organisations are useful.  It will also provide emotional support. Have you ever had to call out the police?  This will help your case.  You CAN force HIM to move out in situations of domestic violence.  Look up Coercive control as well.  This will give you time to sort out your flats.  And put control where it should be, in the hands of the person with main parental responsibility (although he will probably dispute this, it could get messy). Turn the tables on him - does he have the financial resources to fight this out legally?  From the sounds of it, I doubt it. Think about it, he hasn't even got a solicitor yet.  He's not even making the first steps to seperate from you and give you the £60k.  I doubt he intends to.  He's playing mind games still.  Get some support, someone to talk things over with, sort out your options. 

Modern auctions aren't generally a good way to get best price for your flats.  I realise you are panicking and can't see clearly.., but try to find a bit of time for yourself to sort this out.  Forcing him to move out is one way to make it clear to him the situation is unacceptable and get him to realise he has to resolve this (not his behaviour, don't hope for that, it almost never happens).  At the moment he isn't feeling any sense of urgency, he's just continuing the controlling behaviours.  Get a regular maintenace payment sorted as well (a DV organisation will advise on all this) - but it probably won't happen quickly. 

If you sell the flats the normal way, you will almost certainly get more money from them (paying the £6k fee upfront puts off most buyers, and lowers the price you can get).  This in itself could help you buy your next place.  But this again will take time.  But if your partner is no longer living in the house you are in, you could have the time you need to sort this out.

Take a step back and talk to a DV organisation.  There is a sticky on this https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/1276963/free-guide-from-refuge-for-women-experiencing-domestic-violence#latest

I wish you the best.  You can get through this, you can find a better route out.  But you need to change the rules of the game he's playing.

rexmedorum

furby-2003 said:

rexmedorum said:

furby-2003 said:

He seems to think he can get the equity from the house to pay her back and give her the £60k shes lending him to give him. I haven't told him this won't work as he's not old enough as I don't want him to pull out of the deal. 

This doesn't make any sense. Old enough for what? Deal? what deal? In an earlier post you state you get half of what's left, (220k-60k)=80k

Not old enough to take equity. dont you have to be 55? hes 45

The deal of giving me £60 if i leave.

Hes not valuing the house at £220. This was the value I got from the other houses sold in our area that are the same as ours and the solicitors are using that figure in the case. Unfortunately £60 was all his mom could scrape together without selling the house so thats all they offered.  He offered me £35 to start with. I had to push to get £60k. 

Yes i know the figures don't tally he's just plucked £60 to give me out the air being honest

Sorry if its not made much sense. Basically he's trying to get away with not having to sell the house so he can keep it. 

Right, maybe need to get a proper valuation and base it on that. Don't let him fob you off with 'this is all I can afford'. That's bs. The house can be sold or he could get a mortgage.

Tbh it sounds as if a formal legal dispute is almost unavoidable.

macman

Basics: how is the property owned? Joint tenants, or tenants in common? If the latter, is it a 50/50 split?
Being 'on the papers' doesn't really tell us the situation.